Happy Anniversary to the Best Girl in the World!

Jen is always being hounded by the Paparazzi

This is a very special woman. My wife, Jennifer. Today, I have been married to her for nine years. Jen is one of the strongest and best people I have ever known. She is a loving and faithful wife, and she puts up with all of my goofy antics, which should probably have her nominated for sainthood by now. Not only that, but she keeps on loving me even when I am not always lovable.

I met and fell in love with her when I was a worldly Junior in college, and she was an innocent and wide-eyed freshman. At first she was smart enough to know that she probably shouldn’t date me, but I was persistent, and eventually she succumbed to my charm. Poor thing hasn’t been the same since. She has been fiercely loyal the whole time I have known her, and there is no one in the world that I trust more, which is good because she knows all of my passwords and ATM codes! She stuck with me while we were dating, even when one summer half of my face stopped working. (That's a true story.) She even drove to see me almost every other weekend her final year of college when I was working three hours away from her in a little bitty town in south central Kansas.

She agreed to marry me over ten years ago, and we finally got hitched sixteen months later in June of 2000. She was amazing in that she agreed to move to the little tiny town I was working in, and didn’t even get upset when I made the decision to move us to Denver a few months after that even though it meant quitting a great job that she had just gotten two weeks prior. She keeps on sticking with me despite the fact that, due to the less than stellar economy, I seem to get a new job every time I get a new calendar. She doesn’t even seem to mind that I remember almost every important event in our lives by what was happening in the world of sports at the time. (For instance, I am able to remember the date we went on our honeymoon based on the fact that the Devils were playing the Stars in the Stanley Cup Finals at the time.)

Not only is she loving and special, but she also is an awesome mother. She loves our children so much, and is so good at taking care of them and raising them in the way they should go. I love her for how strong she is and for what a good wife and mother she is, and because she’s just a great person and a close friend. She challenges me, loves me, respects me, goofs on me, and supports me. I am a better person today because she is in my life, and as we begin our tenth year together, I just want to say to you Jen that I love you more than ever. You are my love, my rock, and my life, and I’ll love you forever and I’ll love you for always. Happy Anniversary, my love!

It's Monday, and I'm feeling lazy so it's time to break out a little "Hope and Change."

It's Monday, and I while don't really feel up to a full post today, I am a giver. I couldn't let you get all the way through this Monday without a little something. Therefore I thought I would give you some inspiration for these dark days, after all there's a repression going on. So I bring you Hope and Change. I don't even need to give you any details, it's strictly "Hope and Change" for my platform, and you'll eat it up! It's almost enough to make you want to get out there and vote right now, isn't it. Sadly, it's only June. Remember, for the change America needs, it's Vertically Striped Socks in 2009! Hope and Change, people.

Vertically Striped Radio - Episode 2: The Vertical Socks Strike Back

Episode #2 of Vertically Striped Radio is in the can. On this episode, I was supposed to be joined by Bruce for the first time, but unfortunately, he was held up by issues of unloading his moving truck. He promises he will join us next week, and he will be held accountable for his lack of dependability, but I also understand because he is in the middle of moving to Colorado.

I ended up hosting solo, but it worked out alright, we were joined by The Ed who helped me discuss the current state of the Nuggets, and also let us know what was up with his T-Shirt business. I also was able to shoot the breeze with Face Ventura from the Dameshek.com message board about Twitter and the history of the internet and we also had a long discussion about the NHL Finals. Face then hung on the line to help out with a Magnificent 7, Radio Edition, as we broke down 7 of the worst things in sports.

We celebrated the end of a great run by the Nuggets in a bittersweet way by playing two Nuggets fight songs one day after they were run from the playoffs by the Lakers. It was a fun show, and we will likely be back again next week. If you'd like to listen to the show, you can go to www.blogtalkradio.com/verticallystripedradio or you can listen to it from the blog by pressing play on the widget below.

Thoughts on Nuggets-Lakers Game 5 as Dandy Don warms his vocal chords.

After his playing days in Dallas, Dandy Don had a stellar turn in the booth on Monday Night Football.

“Turn out the lights, the party’s over.“ Don Meredith would sing this in the announcer booth on Monday Night Football back in the 70’s when the competitive portion of the football game ended and garbage time began. I’m too young to have heard him sing this live, but I have heard it enough on NFL films highlights that it has become my own personal song to signal the end of a sporting event. Yes, I literally sing it to myself in my head almost every time a game reaches the point where the outcome is no longer in doubt. Dandy Don’s tune isn’t playing in my head just yet in regards to the Nuggets-Lakers series, but my mental Dandy Don is gurgling salt-water and warming up his voice.

In what was a terrific and exciting game for three quarters, the Nuggets fell asleep for the first five minutes of quarter number four, and gave up an 11-0 run to the Lakers, and thus ended the competitive portion of the ball game. The lead briefly ballooned to double digits for the Lakers before the Nuggets pulled it briefly back to within four, but at no point after that run did I believe that the Nuggets were going to win. The Lakers cruised to the finish and a 103-94 victory that puts them firmly in the driver’s seat for the series. I said in my last post that the team that won Game 5 would win the series, and unfortunately, I still believe that. I think the Nugs have a great chance of taking down the Lakers on Friday night, but I can’t see them winning a Game 7 in Los Angeles.

Melo played a team high 40 minutes on Wednesday night, but George Karl probably should have made that even higher, as when Melo began the fourth on the bench, and was noticeably absent during the majority of the stretch which killed the Nuggets. For the first time in the series, the Lakers actually looked like the better team. Kobe Bryant shot much less than usual, and instead got the rest of his team involved. Trevor Ariza played defense like a man possessed, Shannon Brown ignited a rally at the end of the third with a huge dunk over Chris Andersen which helped propel the Lakers from 7 points down to taking the lead for good. Derek Fisher looked like the Derek Fisher of five years ago. Even Lamar Odom decided to care about this game, and he pulled one of those dynamic performances which he unleashes once every five or six games or so. He had one of those games that get NBA people so excited about his potential. (Of course, he has been in the NBA for almost ten years, so I think it’s fair to say that he is what he is, a talented but inconsistent performer.)

For the first time in this series the Lakers finally resembled the team that won so many regular season games this season. They hung around with the Nuggets for most of Game 5, and then a switch flipped late in the game and the Lakers exploded on both sides of the floor and suddenly the game was out of reach. Despite a game effort from many of the Nuggets, they didn’t have enough, and the Lakers finally looked like the tremendous Lakers team that everyone expected to cruise to the Finals when the playoffs began.

This game was not lost on the defensive side of the ball, but rather due to an offensive lull in the fourth quarter. This may not be fair, but I place all of the blame squarely on the shoulders of Kenyon Martin; largely because I really don’t like him, but also because he partially deserves it. Due to the fact that he made three jumpers earlier on in the game Kmart thought he was “on” and he proceeded to jack up shot after ugly shot during a stretch when the ball needed to be in the hands of the likes of Chauncey, Melo, and J.R. Smith. Kenyon has been solid most of this series, but the moronic version of Kmart who overrates himself and starts to think he is a jump shooter showed up and submarined the Nuggets chances of winning the game and ruined their best shot at winning the series. I will do a dance of joy the day that the Nuggets finally rid themselves of Kenyon and those stupid lips tattooed on his neck.

So where does the series go from here?

Glass half-full guy: The Nuggets have outplayed the Lakers in four of the five games in this series. They will take care of the Lakers without a problem in Denver and then will have a one game for all the marbles situation on Sunday night in Los Angeles. They have already won one game in LaLa Land, and they have a terrific chance to get a second if they play up to their potential this weekend. Plus the Lakers have been highly inconsistent this whole postseason, and just because they played great in Game 5 doesn’t mean that same team will show up for Game 6 and 7.

Glass half-empty guy: The Lakers have finally awakened, perhaps the Nuggets find a way to squeak one out against them in Denver in Game 6, although that is hardly a lock, but they have only two chances of actually winning a Game 7: Slim and None. Home teams win Game 7’s almost all the time. In the history of the NBA there have been 104 Game 7’s and the road team has only won 21 times. So if it’s not impossible for the Nuggets, it’s the next best thing.

Glass of a drunk guy: Hey, I ordered a vodka tonic, I don’t have a clue about the Nuggets and Lakers. Gimmie my booze!

My Glass: I really think the Nuggets find a way to win in Denver and force a Game 7 on Sunday, I also think that the Lakers are not going to lose a Game 7 at home this year. I’m holding out hope, just because I really want the Nuggets to win, but I have to say that my prediction is now Lakers in 7. I’m not ready for Dandy Don’s song to be played for the Nuggets, but I fear it’s coming.

Hey Hey, My My - The Denver Nuggets will never die!‏

I'll bet you had no idea that Neil Young was a HUGE Nuggets fan, did you?

Hey Hey, My My. The Denver Nuggets refuse to die! All apologies to Neil Young, but I stole and slightly modified his song because it does seem Nuggets refuse to go quietly into the offseason. As the NBA moved into the Conference Finals round, I didn’t like Denver’s chances all that much just because they historically have been worked by the Lakers. The Lakers were the presumptive Western Conference Champion at the outset of the playoffs, and I didn’t see anything through the first two rounds that made me really believe that the Nuggets could take them. I had the Lakers winning the series in five, but then a funny thing started happening. The Nuggets decided that they were going to compete with the Lakers. That’s a development that I hoped for, but wasn’t sure was going to happen. Let’s review how we got where we are…

Game 1
The Nuggets biggest regret right now has to be Game 1. They led by 7 over halfway through the final quarter, they outplayed LA the whole evening, and had they been able to get an inbounds pass in, chances are great that they win the game. If they are able to win Game 1 they likely would be up 3-1 in the series right now, and be much more likely to take the series. Game 1 hurts so much because it’s a game that they should have won. They wasted a gigantic effort from Carmelo Anthony and frittered away a game that was theirs.

Game 2
Game 2 was when they showed their true grit. Trailing by 14 in the second quarter and looking like they were going to fold like a chaise lounge, they tightened things up before halftime, and were able to gut out an impressive win thanks to the second consecutive humungous effort from Melo along with the first Linas Kleiza sighting of the postseason. Game 2 started Denver believing, the Nuggets had stolen away both home court advantage and serious series momentum from the Lakers. The idea that the Nuggets just might win this thing was no longer far fetched, it was possible.

Game 3
Game 3 hurt because the Nuggets did just about everything right, but they shot like bad guys trying to shoot Rambo…lots of shots fired with nothing hitting it’s target. They only shot 39.3% overall and only 18.5% from the three point line. If you’re going to beat the Lakers, you need to shoot better from downtown than 5-27. If they had gone 8-27 (which is still a miserable 29.6%) they win the game. The Defense was very good, but no one other than Chris Andersen had a good game. When Birdman is a solid role player, the Nuggets are in good shape. When he is their best player on a given night, chances are good that the game will be a loss. Despite a terrible game from most everyone but Bird, they were still able to fight and claw all game, and they actually held the lead most of the game, but in the fourth quarter you could feel the game slipping away due to the subpar night from most of the major Nuggets and the fact that Kobe Bryant was doing Kobe Bryant things (41 points, and all the big plays at the end).

Game 4
Monday night was a must win for Denver. If the Nuggets fell into a 3-1 hole to the Lakers, all hope was lost, and we would be doing the postmortem on the season today. The Nuggets could not afford to drop another game in Denver, and they came out playing like they knew it. Despite the second consecutive subpar offensive night from Melo, the Nugs ran away with the game thanks to a spectacular effort from JR Smith who in only 28 minutes provided 24 points, 2 Rebounds, 4 assists, 2 Steals and only 3 turnovers. His swagger was too much for the Lakers and Kmart, Nene, and Birdman were monsters on the boards coming down with 15,13, and 14 rebounds respectively. The Nuggets owned the paint and outrebounded Los Angeles 58 to 40 and this game was never in doubt.

Where do we go from here??
So now here we are, tied at two games apiece four games into the series, and I’m not sure the importance of Game 5 can be overstated. I only see this series ending one of two ways. I think the Nuggets will win it in six games or the Lakers will take it in seven. I don’t think the Lakers are going to win another game in Denver, and I don’t think the Nuggets can win a game seven in L.A. So yes, sports fans, I believe that whoever wins game 5 will be going to the Finals.

These two teams seem very evenly matched. The Nuggets’ advantages seem to be that they are a better team, they seem hungrier, and they seem more talented overall. The Lakers’ advantages are that they have the best player (Kobe), they have more experience in these big game situations, and they have home court advantage.

If I had to gamble the house on an outcome, I’d probably put my money on the Lakers in seven, but thankfully no one is going to require me to put my home on the line, and I am very hopeful for my more desired outcome of Nuggets in six. No matter what happens from here on out, the real winners are basketball fans, who are seeing some fantastic basketball. This series is a total tossup right now, and I believe in the Nuggets chances, they can win! I put the odds at about 51% chance for the Lakers 49% chance for the Nuggets. If you had told me at the beginning of the season that I would be giving the Nuggets that kind of odds to win the West, I would have laughed at you. No matter how this next week of basketball goes down, this season is a success, now it’s just a matter of seeing how successful this season will be.

It’s better to burn out than to fade away. No matter how this series ends, no one is going to say that Denver faded away. Go Nuggets!

Vertically Striped Radio - Episode 1 - Now playing on a computer near you.

Okay, so the Vertically Striped Socks brand is branching out. I have stepped outside my comfort zone of writing, and have decided to go multi-platform. That's right, I have started my very own Radio Program. It's mostly sports talk, but it may venture into all sorts of other goofiness.

The first episode is in the can, I was surprised at how much more difficult it is to produce a radio program than it is to listen to one. I feel like I did okay, and it was fun to have a creative challenge. You never realize how hard it is to monologue until you try it, very awkward feeling, but when I went back and listened to it, it really wasn't that bad. I'm no Howard Stern, of course, but it wasn't awful.

My first show I spent talking about the NBA Playoffs, then I got a call from The Whale off of the Dameshek.com message board, and then I spent a ton of time talking to The Ed, who is fantastic radio, and he really carried the program along to another level. It's much more fun to talk to people than it is to try to just blab on my yourself. My brother Bruce is planning to join me shortly as my co-host, which I welcome, but it's a lot of fun doing the radio program. If you'd like to take a listen to the first episode, you can listen in or download the MP3 file at www.blogtalkradio.com/VerticallyStripedRadio. Or you can also just listen to it now by simply pressing play on the box below! See how easy I make it for you?

Hope you enjoy it! There will be more to come.

The One, The Only, The Ed!

Heyyyyyyyyyyyyy Everybody!

(This is merely one artist's rendition of Ed, no known internet photos have surfaced as of the date I posted this article)

In the deserts of Nevada you can find him. In the oasis town of Las Vegas he makes his home flitting between his three major hubs: The Casinos where he wagers on his games, the fast food joints where he obtains his sustenance, and the Wal-Marts where he finds his football men. A fifty-five year old black man who has decided that he is going to start aging in reverse (He is going to start subtracting a year from his age each birthday from now on, so on his next birthday he will be 54, the following year he will be 53, etc. He hopes to make it back to 45.)

His name is Ed Miller. (Big E, little bitty D, Big M and then i-l-l-e-r, if you need to know how to spell it, Ed style) However to a host of fans he is know simply as, “The Ed.” His charm is undeniable, even if his methods are somewhat less than politically correct. He’ll tell you how it is, and you’ll believe him. Partly because what he says makes sense, and partly just because you can’t help but like the guy. He definitely moves to the beat of his own drum, and his grip on reality as a whole can at time be somewhat tenuous, but he’s a pretty good guy at heart, and if you listen to him for any amount of time, chances are you’ll appreciate his brand of wisdom and knowledge.

He can turn a phrase like no one else in recorded history, and the things that come out of his mouth can be both nonsensical as well as deeply profound, often times simultaneously. He’s not a philosopher. He lives life as it comes to him, but I find it impossible that you would listen to him talk for very long without at least being intrigued.

I first encountered The Ed on Dave Dameshek’s podcast on page 2 of ESPN.com, since then, he has launched (with a lot of help from Mike Dell, the editor in chief over at LCSHockey.com) his own show on BlogTalkRadio.com and his own website at theedssuperdeluxewebsite.com. He also has a large presence at the Dave Dameshek message board over at dameshek.com. His screen name is “Pey Pey 23” and he leaves his fantastic insights all the time “on that message thing.” Although his spelling doesn’t always jive completely with Merriam-Webster (he spells the name Brittany B-R-E-E-T-O-N-J-Y) you pretty much always get what he's after. I have talked to him on just a couple of occasions on his show, and he’s definitely a good guy.

Occasionally he slightly alters actual words or names and creates his own unique words and phrases. Swine Flu quickly became Spine Flu, the economic downturn is now a 'repression', Ben Roethlisberger is Benlisberger, and Kobe Bryant turned in Cody Ryan. Ed, who is a big Indianapolis Colts fan, is convinced that former head coach Tony Dungy was a terrible coach who never had his headset connected.

There is no way for me to fully explain the Ed, you have to experience him for yourself, but I am going to include quite a lengthy list of quotes from him to give you a taste. These are quotes that I have gleaned listening to his show in podcast form over the past few months, but he is good for a quote like this every five minutes or so. I would try to give context for these quotes, but I’m not sure that it would make a lick of difference, because the non sequitur nature of the Ed renders most context irrelevant. Just read them, and if you like what you read, I guarantee it’s better when it comes out of Ed’s mouth directly. If you’re interested in hearing more, Ed’s show airs at www.BlogTalkRadio.com/lcs every Thursday night 10:00 PM Eastern Time (9:00 PM Central, 8:00 Mountain, and 7:00 Pacific) Be forewarned, that his show is probably not entirely appropriate for kids, but you can make that decision for yourself, I’m just putting this out there into the universe, do with it as you will. But I now present…Edisms:

"It's like a pirate that eats sunshine, it don't make no sense!"

"People can't be namin their kids crazy names like Air Filter Jenkins‏."

"I gotta get this booger off my finger, hang on. Man this thing is big. It won't even shake off my finger."‏

"I'll punch him in the mouth with an autographed picture of Mohammad Ali"‏

"I got two frying pans and a lunch box, but it don't make no difference.‏ "

A caller named LiJay was causing an echo on Ed's radio program so Ed said, "He done swallowed some kind of transitor system or something."‏

Ed has an idea for a great product. "Diet Soap, wash away the pounds!”‏

"Hold on, I'm about to choke on a nacho chip‏."

"I don't know if you're knowledgeable, but you know a lot of stuff."‏

"You got two sticks and a gun, You cant make biscuits"

"Some kids drove by in a car and threw tacos at me"

"I'd be down there on 3rd base line just get ready and Pow, gone like a lightning slash. I was so fast sometimes they'd give me two runs for stealing home.‏"

"You want a poke in the eye with a stick?"

"For Breakfast I have... 2 eggs... 2 pieces bacon... 2 cookies and a coke"

"Whoever's doing good at the baseball game sucks at the homerun derby and whoever's doing good at the homerun derby sucks at the baseball game, It's kind of a weird trynamic.‏"

"That guy is shadier than Pimento Loaf.‏"

"Anybody calls in and gives me an update I'm gonna mash em in the mouth with like a stop sign or something.‏"

"Just a bunch of nonsense trash in a basket.‏"

"My heart's racing like a turnpike in a buttlenut."‏

"Patrick Roy was a better goalie than Martin Landau.‏"

"Can you believe it? That's all just stuck in my head like a monkey's nuts.‏"

Singing his own version of Steve Miller Band – “I want to fly like an eagle, wearing jeans.”‏

"That dog is a big ole monkey dog, man. It's HUGE!"‏

Dick Banks, a musician who helped record and produce many of Ed’s songs. "He has a piano on a stick.‏"

"Dave owes me a six pack of barbeque lotion.‏"

"If I see you, I'm just gonna tackle you, man.‏"

"You can't get superstars of the millennium at just the break of a dime." (Referring to getting Texas Tech coach Pat Knight for Dave Dameshek's show)‏

"I'm going to annomalate you.‏ You're going to get annomolated, and that's how it's going to be.‏"

"I got a toothache in my stomach.‏"

“you have never reely lived until you see a body rikoshay off of you winsheeld...‏” – Ed posted this on Dameshek.com…it’s probably better if you don’t ask

"Don't be calling in trying to win prizes cuz I give real prizes on my show and cash and trips for two to Guam and everything!"

"It's scared me to death, man, like a pickelloaf sandwich on some hot bread, it don't matter."

"She's hot like some hot chocolate and some pudding wafers, I'm telling ya."

"You beat lijay, but a monkey and two bricks coulda done that."

"It ain't good Good Friday, cuz that already passed right before Easter, but it's still an Alright Friday. It's alright Friday, I guess."


I also thought I’d include these three bits of conversations that happened on various podcasts, because they cracked me up…

(On Dameshek on Demand)
Skylar The Sass (on Dave Dameshek’s podcast): “Hey, what’s up the Ed?”

Ed: Not too much, man. Just thinking about what I’m doing, you know, cuz sometimes I gotta get it done and you know, I gotta make sure people have it all cuz if they don’t ain’t nobody gonna have nothin.


(On the Ed Show)
Ed: We drivin in a construction zone right now.
Mike Dell: Well, be careful, the Ed
Ed: There’s flashing lights and people jumpin around… This guy got a hammer and a butcher knife.
Mike Dell: Now why does he have a butcher knife, the Ed?
Ed: I don’t know, he’s a construction worker.
Mike Dell: Oh, well then that makes sense.

(On the Spanky Brown show)

Ed was asked: "What do you use for bait?" He said, "I put Cheese Whiz on some worms."‏

I hope that you enjoyed all of these "Edisms" but if you didn't "Don't cry about it." And whatever else you may do, "Don't let 'em talk bad about ya!"

Magnificent Seven: 7 Eccentric things I would do if I were stupid rich

The premise for today’s magnificent seven is simple, let’s say I won the lottery four hundred and eighteen times in a row. I now have so much money that I laugh in the face and the balance sheets of Billionaires. I have stupid money. What do I do with my stupid money? (And yes, I would do a lot of good and noble things with my riches, be assured of that, but this list is all about the weird stuff I would work on.) Vertically Striped Socks is now proud to present…The Magnificent Seven – 7 Eccentric things I would do if I were stupid rich.

1. This first one is something I could probably do now, although I wouldn’t be able to justify the minimal expense on my limited budget, but if I had stupid money? Done and done. I would wear a brand new pair of socks every day. Is there anything better than the cushy goodness of a brand new pair of socks fresh from the package? They still have the fluffy support and cushiness that slowly is lost as they are repeatedly washed and slowly they are ground down into a mere mortal sock, but if I had stupid money, I would only wear a pair of socks once and then donate them to some charitable cause that could use an unending supply of almost brand new socks.

2. I would commission a graphic design firm to rework the image of my fantasy football league. They would be immediately set to work creating professional looking logos for every team in my fantasy football league. I would have them create a league logo, and create cool logos and word marks for all the teams that would be the envy of professional sporting leagues around the globe. After these brand images were created for each team, the design team would then work with a team from some sporting apparel company such as Nike or Reebok and they would design team apparel for each owner in the league. I would have these items shipped out to each fantasy owner before our draft so we could all come to the draft wearing our own team’s apparel. It would be glorious!

3. I would buy the Carolina Hurricanes and immediately move them back to Hartford and change their name back to the Whalers. Seriously, we need hockey in North Carolina? Really? Plus there is no finer uniform in sports than the old blue and green Hartford Whalers jerseys, this needs to happen, and I would gladly be the one to make it happen if I had stupid money.

4. I would commission a statistical study in the Men's room at my office to see which sink gets used the most. In the men’s room at my office there are four sinks, for some reason I really want to know which sink gets used the most. This one is mostly just for me, although I would gladly share the results with the world. I would hire some undergrad student desperate for a few bucks to station himself in the bathroom and keep stats for each sink. It might be a little awkward, but this is information that I would like to have, information that may be critical for the world.

5. Most normal guys have a dream car, some exotic Italian sports car or some precision piece of German engineering that if they had the means to acquire, they would pick it up as a way to show off and compensate for their other shortcomings. They don’t actually ever expect to own their dream car, because oftentimes these vehicles cost more than the GDP of Finland, so it remains just that…a dream. I am normal in that I too have a dream car; I am a bit of a freak in that my dream car retails for an MSRP of $20,275. That’s right, I love me some Honda Element. I dig that groovy looking box. It’s not overly fancy or expensive, but I want one. My wife and I were once involved in a newlywed game, and one of the questions she got right about me was, “What would be the first thing I would buy if I won the lottery?” Yup, she knows me well enough that she wrote Honda Element on the card. So obviously, I’m a bit of a dork. Now, if I had stupid money, this would not change my dream car scenario, it would only increase the dork level of my dreams. You see, if I had stupid money I would buy a fleet of Honda Elements in all different colors so my vehicle could match my outfit. Say I’m headed to the Broncos game, I’d break out the orange Element. If I were in a brooding mood, I’d get all dressed up in black and hop into the Black Element. Lets just say that I have temporarily placed my hockey hopes in the Chicago Blackhawks, I could tool around town in a red Element. To celebrate Earth Day, I might hop in the green Element. The options would be only as limited as my imagination. I have to say this is one of my favorite ideas for my stupid money.

6. Everyone hates advertising, but no one does anything about it. Since I now have stupid money, I think I would have to get into at least one slightly subversive activity, and here would be mine. I would declare war on advertising, specifically billboards. I would put together a coalition of people who are as annoyed with advertising as I am who also have a bit of a militaristic bent and I would finance a war on billboards. I would reward my crew for the most creative way possible to tear these things down, with the one caveat that they cannot hurt anyone or destroy any other property other than billboards. They could use Molotov cocktails, chainsaws, makeshift bombs, a pick axe, semi-automatic weapons, Abrams Tanks, basically any method of destruction would be in play so long as the target was a billboard. My war on billboards would be fierce. I believe that it would be celebrated as our liberation from they tyranny of road signs. Viva La Revolución!

7. My final thing I would do if I were stupid rich is a bit odd considering my previous item, but stay with me here. I would buy a three minute advertising spot during the Super Bowl. I know, it goes against my whole war on advertising, but get this…I would buy the advertising, but then would show some type of short film during that time. I would do my very best to keep my intentions for the three minute spot secret, but I would hire an experienced Hollywood production team to create my film. It would be some sort of art that would be a bit out there, but it would also be awesome. I haven’t worked out all the details on this, but the major ingredients to the film would be that it would be a bit confusing, a bit odd, quite a bit provocative, and most importantly it would have to have zero connection to any product or political position. I would not want to advertise anything except for art and then not explain what was going on so people would be left to try and figure out what the heck just happened. I absolutely love this idea, and if I were stupid rich, it would most definitely be very high on the agenda.

Blog on Demand: (Old) News Item - Broncos to wear Vertically Striped Socks this season!

Broncos vice president Jim Saccomano displays the retro uniforms that will be worn this year by Denver to commemorate the 50th anniversary of the American Football League.

The glorious modern Vertically Striped Socks to be worn this year!

Welcome to the second edition of Blog on Demand, the recurring feature where someone gives me a great idea of something to blog about, and I then write about it and give that person credit for a great idea. Today's idea comes from a person I've only met online and don't even know his real name. I spend a lot of time chatting it up with the chaps over at Dameshek.com which is the message board home for the Dameshek on Demand podcast, one of my very favorite podcasts that I listen to every day on my commute in to work. The podcast is done by Dave Dameshek of 710 ESPN in Los Angeles, and it is a high quality daily sports podcast which is very entertaining and I cannot recommend it highly enough.

There is a great little community of sports fans over there on the Dameshek.com site. One of the regulars over there with the screen name #1 Sploser (Which to the best of my knowledge is a word created by Adam Carolla which is a combination of Spaz and loser) gave me the idea to blog about the news that the Broncos will be wearing the very uniform and socks which gave inspiration to the title of this blog. I found that to be a capitol idea, and so #1 Sploser, this post's dedicated to you!

This is old news, but I haven’t commented on it and seeing as how my blog is named Vertically Striped Socks, I am clearly overdue for a comment. The NFL is honoring the 50th anniversary of the American Football League by having the eight teams that were AFL teams wear throwback uniforms from the early years of the AFL. Just in case you weren’t aware, the picture at the top of my blog is an artists representation of what the Broncos first uniforms looked like. Yes, they are eyesores, however they are also awesome. Brown and Yellow is a color combo so ugly that it’s beautiful.

I am burying the lead, though. I know many people in Denver thought (hoped) the Broncos would never again don the vertically striped socks. I am very pleased to report that not only are they going to go the brown and yellow route, they are going to make my dreams come true and once again wear the oddly striped hosiery. Yup, in week 5 and week 6 the Broncos are going to be wearing full on throwbacks up to and including Vertically Striped Socks.

The Broncos are selling the yellow and brown uniforms on their website, but it appears that they won't be selling any of the socks, which bums me out, because I would like nothing more than to purchase a pair of ridiculously ugly brown and yellow vertically striped socks. So if anyone is looking for a great Christmas gift for me, you just can't do better than brown and yellow vertically striped socks. Seriously!

I don't know if this development is going to drive any extra traffic to my blog, but even if it doesn't, it is going to be great for the brand recognition factor of the blog and it's relation to the Denver Broncos. Plus, I'll get to see the Broncos actually wearing these fabled socks, which has me over the moon with excitement! The most pathetic thing about the whole affair is that with my rather low expectations of the Broncos chances for the season, these two games are easily the thing that I am most looking foward to in the upcoming year for Denver football.