My NFL Network audition tape and photos from the wacky Broncos retro day.

So, I'm hoping to get a gig announcing NFL games. I think I do a pretty professional job as a TV analyst. Granted, I probably wouldn't be able to scream and yell and celebrate when the Broncos score, which would be difficult, but I'm at least as good as Joe Buck.

Sunday was a good time out at Invesco with my brother Bruce, it helped that the Broncos took down the Pats and that we got to enjoy the so ugly they are beautiful Vertically Striped Socks uniforms to which I am so partial. Here are a few photos from the game...

As you can clearly see, I came dressed for the occasion!

Vertically Striped Socks forever! There will be very few opportunities to wear these and actually be appropriate, so I took advantage of the situation.

Our season tickets aren't too shabby!


Both teams looked cool on Sunday.

Even if he didn't play well, Tom Brady looked good.

The retro flag was a nice touch.

Even the cheerleaders got into the retro spirit, those pom-poms are so large they had their own weather systems around them.


Man I love those crazy threads!

Even the scoreboards were retro, they would show replays in color, but most of the time the jumbotron was made to look like an old school black and white TV. This was cool for about three minutes, but it got very old very fast. One thing that was interesting is how much different the uniforms looked in black and white. Yellow doesn't translate AT ALL in black and white.

There was cool retro stuff...

...everywhere.

I am still trying to figure out how Jabar Gaffney thought to twist his socks to make them look like a barber pole. Very creative!



More

Cool


Photos

I seriously took over fifty pictures by halftime, I went a little nuts.


And Bucky was there to look over it all.
(Yes, the horse on the stadium is named Bucky. Seriously.)

The last 10 days were so epic, I just had to write about it.

Life has been nuts lately for me. Not "I'm getting sex reassignment surgery and changing my name to Gertrude" crazy, but some stuff has happened. More stuff than usual, even.

It started a week ago last Saturday with a TNL (my church, The Next Level Church) trip to Crooked Creek ranch in the mountains. I was part of an epic wiffleball team that reached the finals of a sixteen team tournament before falling tragically short by a single run 5-4. Such a collection of wiffleball talent has rarely been seen before or since, and how we managed to not win it all is still a source of bitter disappointment.

No one strikes out at wiffleball with more grace and power than yours truly.

Not only were we an amazing talented wiffleball team, we also excelled at creating letters with our bodies. Note how adroitly we create the letters TNL. You can't teach this stuff.

As if 2nd place in the wiffleball tournament wasn't enough drama in my life, later on that same day I got home to find that I had won the first round of the Fantasy Comedy tournament (a fantasy league I created where eight guys drafted funny people in an effort to create the funniest team possible) versus the soon to be World Famous The Ed. Ironically, I had drafted The Ed to be on my team, so The Ed helped defeat The Ed.

The drama came in that after I declared the vote to be closed with me as the winner, three people came along to vote for The Ed's team after it was over. Suddenly my victory by two votes turned into what looked like me trailing by 1 vote. I had already set up the second round, and now it looked to the Ed like I had cheated. This resulted in a lot of drama, and the Ed saying some rather unflattering things about me. I also ended up as #1 on the Bad Side over at www.theedssuperdeluxewebsite.com, which is pretty severe since Dave Dameshek had been #1 on the Bad Side pretty much since the inception of Ed's website. I never imagined that I would be the one to knock Dave out of the top Bad Side spot.


Things got better a few days later though with the release of the greatest Vertically Striped Animation Studios video EVER! The world renowned "Oh No" video. Here it is, just in case you missed it the first time, be careful though, as it'll change your life. (Slight Hyperbole)



When The Ed saw the new video, I was quickly declared to be off the bad side, and sure enough...I made it to #1 on the Good Side. Giving me a record for quickest to legitimately disappear at #1 on the Bad Side and reappear at #1 on the Good Side.



With The Ed drama behind me, it was time for my 33rd birthday. The day started off with a bang, as Steve from Alabama was able to get the my radio show Vertically Striped Radio unbanned in Alabama. For a short time, the show had been made illegal in the heart of Dixie.

I had to go to work on my big day, but only for a few hours, because as a birthday present to myself, I kicked off of work early and walked on over to Coors Field to take in the Colorado Rockies game. Not only is it cool to skip work to go see a ballgame, but if the Rox won, they would clinch a playoff spot. The weather was cool, but the crowd was out in full force, and the Rockies rewarded us by thumping the Brewers 9-2 and clinching a postseason berth. The 9th inning was fun, and the celebration really broke out after Alcides Escobar struck out looking to end the game.



Coming home that night, my wife made a delicious breakfast for dinner, always a fan favorite at my house, and she really topped herself by following THIS RECIPIE for Bacon Ice Cream. That's right, she knew I had been preaching the virtues of the potential for Bacon Ice Cream, and she honored that vision by making some for me. Let me tell you, this is gonna be huge. It is delicious!

Forget Red Vines + Mr. Pibb, Bacon Ice Cream = Crazy Delicious

Not all the crazy stuff has been great...Friday and Saturday I felt like death warmed over. My wife Jen says she heard via the local media that if you think you have the H1N1, you probably do. I'm about 90% sure I had the Swine Flu. At it's worst on Saturday morning, I lacked the energy to blink. I'm feeling much better now.

I can neither confirm nor deny that this is how I contracted the Swine Flu.

Then, to cap things off yesterday, I was able to attend the crazy exciting come from behind victory by my Broncos over the Cowboys to increase their record to a logic defying 4-0.

Yes, it's true. Somehow the Broncos are 4-0.

So that's my crazy (not overly crazy) life over the past 10 days. Plus, it keeps getting better as my buddy got us tickets for Saturday night's Rockies playoff game, and then on Sunday, I'll once again be at Invesco to see the Broncos take on the Patriots in the uniform which gave birth to the name of this blog! How sweet it is! The Vertically Striped Socks are coming!

Vertically Striped Nirvana! I actually own a real pair of Vertically Striped Socks.

The power of the socks compels you!

So a couple of weeks ago I walked over to Invesco Field on my lunch break to see if I could get some retro Denver Broncos AFL gear. I figured they might have a good selection of the 50th anniversary brown and yellow gear of which I have become enamored recently as I look forward to October 11th when the Broncos play the Patriots wearing the Vertically Striped Socks which are the inspiration for this blog's name.



I'm so into the brown and yellow stuff that it's gotten to the point that I see Wyoming Cowboy gear and get excited, it's truly a problem. When I walked into the Broncos Team Store, I wasn't disappointed.



They had a ton of yellow jerseys, which are very cool, but I didn't feel like dropping eighty bucks on one thing, so I looked into the other schwag. I settled on a yellow hat, a brown short sleeved t-shirt and a brown long sleeved t-shirt. I walked up to the checkout stand and paid for my stuff and headed to the exit, when I saw them! An authentic pair of Reebok vertically striped football socks, the same hosiery the Broncos will wear on October 11th. They cost fifteen bucks, but I had to have them, I wasn't even sure if they would fit as they cryptically described the size as Fits 5'9" to 5'11"




Even if they weren't going to fit, I had to have them. So I flopped down my credit card one more time, and then hustled out the door and back to work, as I was going to have to hustle to get back on time.




I was very pleased when I got home, and tried them on, and they fit. I'm 6'3", so I was a bit worried they would be a bit too small for me, but they fit fine. I put on my shirt and hat, and took some photos with them. I felt a bit like a kid at Christmas taking pictures with my news toys, but I didn't care, I was pumped that I was able to get my socks, even if I didn't really plan on wearing them all that often.



In fact, the only time I plan wearing them right now is on October 11th when I go to the Patriots game, after that I have no clue what I'll do with them, as they tend to clash with most outfits. I'm extremely pleased to have them in my collection. And yes, I'm a very big dork, but I'm comfortable with who I am, especially when I own such cool socks.

The power of the socks brings out the joy in little children!

Knowshon: Get thy butt in camp!

Memo to Knowshon Moreno: Get your butt into camp ASAP. Today was the fifth day of training camp that he has missed as a result of his holdout as he and the Broncos attempt to figure out where the final figures will fall on his rookie contract. Knowshon, I know that tons of first rounders are not signed yet, but get this stuff worked out right quick as there is tons of competition at your spot, and just because you're a high draft pick it doesn't mean you automatically are the starter.

If there is good news Broncos fans can take from this, it's that there is still a ton of time, and Knowshon plays a position that isn't as difficult to pick up quickly as say inside linebacker or quarterback would be. However, the fact remains that this will likely be a difficult enough season for Josh McDaniels and the sisters of the poor we like to call our Denver Broncos without increasing the difficulty level by having the drama of a holdout. Let's get this going in the right direction and get signature on contract so we can focus on the plan for attempting to reach the impossible dream of an 8-8 season in Denver. (Nothing like high expectations, eh?)


In a bit of good Broncos news, in addition to wearing the AFL throwback Vertically Striped Socks uniforms twice this season, the Broncs will also be donning their beautiful alternate orange uniforms two times this year. The Broncos will dress in what (in a perfect world) should be their permanent uniforms against the Cowboys in October and the Steelers in November. Denver should wear Orange, so for at least two games this fall, they'll look right. Good news indeed. They may not play well this year, but at least they'll look good playing badly.

Vertically Striped Radio - Episode 6: Remembering Michael Jackson (and also Stoned Wallabies.)

Better late than never, Bruce showed up ten minutes into the show and helped me break down which teams would be best served by returning to classic uniforms. (Or in the case of the Hurricanes, classic uniforms AND towns.)

We also took some time to talk about the deaths of such luminaries as Michael Jackson, Ed McMahon, and Farrah Fawcett and discussed which three deaths would be the most momentous in today's world. My vote is for Obama, Mohommad Ali, and the Dalai Lama.

We also took a little time enjoying the antics of Montana Tech football coach Bob Green. This week's music recommendation was Gary Jules' "Trading Snakeoil for Wolftickets." As always, you can check it out with the widget below, or download it directly at www.blogtalkradio.com/verticallystripedradio if you so choose.

Vertically Striped Radio is now also available on iTunes via a free subscription from the iTunes store.

Can the Philadelphia 76ers issue in a glorious era of change?

The Philadelphia 76ers announced Tuesday that they will be going back to their roots, at least aesthetically. They are dropping the solid but unspectacular Silver, Gold, Black, Red and Blue Logo that they have used for the past decade and gloriously replacing it with the previous logo that they used from 1963 to 1998. This previous logo is a beautiful red, white, and blue and was in place when they won their two titles in 1967 and 1983. I would like to applaud the Philly NBA brain trust who realized that the best way to go with a historic team like the Sixers is to embrace the past and attempt to return to their previous glory. If you’re named after the year the Declaration of Independence was signed, you really need to embrace patriotic colors, plus the old logo is awesome.

This is a trend I can definitely support! With retro sports stuff selling so well, I can definitely see more teams ditching their modern getups for more beautiful items from their past. Prior to the Sixers making this move, we have seen glimpses of this glorious line of thought with the Giants returning to their beautiful NY logo, the Jets going back to their Namath era unis, the New York Islanders ditching the Gorton’s fisherman for their much better and classic logo, the 49ers going back to cherry red, and the Capitals ditching the weird eagle logo and going back to basics. However, this trend can go further, and here are some franchises that are practically screaming for a touch of the past…


Atlanta Falcons: I would keep the Falcons current logo in place as I like it much better than their old one, but I’d make their helmets red again like they were in the days before Jerry Glanville.

Buffalo Bills: They need to permanently embrace the royal blue uniforms with the white helmets that feature the standing buffalo. They have been sporting these on occasion of late, and they should make the change permanent or at least go back to the Jim Kelly era uniforms, as the hideous things they wear now are embarrassing.

Buffalo Sabres: Ditch the Buffaslug posthaste and go back to their beautiful crossed swords logo with the leaping buffalo above it. That is one of the most handsome unis in sports history, and it’s a shame they ever ditched it.

Carolina Hurricanes: This goes beyond just the uniform, as they need to move back to Connecticut and then quickly get back into those beautiful Whalers jerseys. That is one of my favorite uniform and logo combinations of all time.

Cincinnati Bengals: They should drop their hideous new uniforms and return to the Boomer Esiason era jerseys. It’s not that those uniforms were all that great, but the threads they sport now are an abomination.

Houston Texans: It’s not like the Texans have a whole lot of history or an exciting uniform, so I suggest they change their name to the Oilers, don the powder blue jerseys and the oil derrick. Warren Moon and Earl Campbell really made those things work, and the name Oilers is much better for Houston than the generic and stupid name of “Texans”.

Milwaukee Brewers: Duh, the wonderful ball and glove logo should again become their daily uniform, as it is vastly superior to the rather bland getup they currently wear.

New England Patriots: They must return to their Pat the Patriot helmet and those glorious red jerseys. Those uniforms are so much better than the Flying Elvis logo, I can’t even begin to express how much nicer they would look on the field. However, since they’ve won three Super Bowls in their new threads, I imagine this won’t happen.

New York Mets: The Metropolitans should really remove all traces of black from their uniform and go back to the pinstripes they were wearing in ’86 when they were one of the most interesting teams of all time.

Philadelphia Eagles: I’d do a subtle change here. Keep the current helmet pattern, but go back to their brighter green color and ditch that ugly dark brooding green.

Seattle Seahawks: I don’t hate their new uniforms as much as many people do. I feel that they should keep their current logo, but make their helmets silver again and their jerseys the beautiful bright blue and green colors from the past.

St. Louis Rams: They should definitely and immediately go back to the blue and yellow they won the Super Bowl with. Those colors were beautiful on the field.

Toronto Blue Jays: I would love them to go back to their awesome uniforms from their World Series winning days of the early nineties. Joe Carter looked great trotting around the bases after taking Mitch Williams yard to win it all.

Vancouver Canucks: They need to embrace their blue and green uniform set with the stylized C logo. Ditch the Orca already.

Washington Wizards: They should embrace their Bullets past, ditch the dumb name and go back to the basic red uniforms. (Although definitely not the weird horizontally striped ones or the crazy ones with stars everywhere, ugh)

Of course, there are also exceptions to this retro trend. One team that should never under any circumstance make a permanent return to its old uniform would be the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. I am pleased that they are going to wear their creamsicle uniforms on November 8th against the Packers, because it serves as a reminder of one of the uglier uniforms in league history, and I have do have a soft spot in my heart for teams wearing ugly retro uniforms for a game or two (Obvious example: The Broncos Vertically Striped Socks uniform), but under no circumstances should the Bucs entertain the notion of permanently returning to the Bucco Bruce uniform set. Butterscotch pudding is very tasty, but the color makes for a lousy uniform.

Blog on Demand: (Old) News Item - Broncos to wear Vertically Striped Socks this season!

Broncos vice president Jim Saccomano displays the retro uniforms that will be worn this year by Denver to commemorate the 50th anniversary of the American Football League.

The glorious modern Vertically Striped Socks to be worn this year!

Welcome to the second edition of Blog on Demand, the recurring feature where someone gives me a great idea of something to blog about, and I then write about it and give that person credit for a great idea. Today's idea comes from a person I've only met online and don't even know his real name. I spend a lot of time chatting it up with the chaps over at Dameshek.com which is the message board home for the Dameshek on Demand podcast, one of my very favorite podcasts that I listen to every day on my commute in to work. The podcast is done by Dave Dameshek of 710 ESPN in Los Angeles, and it is a high quality daily sports podcast which is very entertaining and I cannot recommend it highly enough.

There is a great little community of sports fans over there on the Dameshek.com site. One of the regulars over there with the screen name #1 Sploser (Which to the best of my knowledge is a word created by Adam Carolla which is a combination of Spaz and loser) gave me the idea to blog about the news that the Broncos will be wearing the very uniform and socks which gave inspiration to the title of this blog. I found that to be a capitol idea, and so #1 Sploser, this post's dedicated to you!

This is old news, but I haven’t commented on it and seeing as how my blog is named Vertically Striped Socks, I am clearly overdue for a comment. The NFL is honoring the 50th anniversary of the American Football League by having the eight teams that were AFL teams wear throwback uniforms from the early years of the AFL. Just in case you weren’t aware, the picture at the top of my blog is an artists representation of what the Broncos first uniforms looked like. Yes, they are eyesores, however they are also awesome. Brown and Yellow is a color combo so ugly that it’s beautiful.

I am burying the lead, though. I know many people in Denver thought (hoped) the Broncos would never again don the vertically striped socks. I am very pleased to report that not only are they going to go the brown and yellow route, they are going to make my dreams come true and once again wear the oddly striped hosiery. Yup, in week 5 and week 6 the Broncos are going to be wearing full on throwbacks up to and including Vertically Striped Socks.

The Broncos are selling the yellow and brown uniforms on their website, but it appears that they won't be selling any of the socks, which bums me out, because I would like nothing more than to purchase a pair of ridiculously ugly brown and yellow vertically striped socks. So if anyone is looking for a great Christmas gift for me, you just can't do better than brown and yellow vertically striped socks. Seriously!

I don't know if this development is going to drive any extra traffic to my blog, but even if it doesn't, it is going to be great for the brand recognition factor of the blog and it's relation to the Denver Broncos. Plus, I'll get to see the Broncos actually wearing these fabled socks, which has me over the moon with excitement! The most pathetic thing about the whole affair is that with my rather low expectations of the Broncos chances for the season, these two games are easily the thing that I am most looking foward to in the upcoming year for Denver football.