Saturday, January 28, 2012

Are our public shcools failing us?

This is a pretty funny failure on the part of the person in charge of labeling streets. I'm pretty sure this is the definition of irony...

Vertically Striped Radio - Episode 147 - 01-28-12 - The Numbers All Go To Eleven!

The numbers all go to 11! It was Spinal Tap day on Vertically Striped Radio. Face and Craig raised the possibility of replacing the Pro Bowl with a Mascot Bowl, and we discussed our favorite mascots in sports. The news was packed with artists burying jets and stupid criminals doing stupid crimes.

We had a new edition of something to think about which caused Luke to collect his arsenal of Nerf weapons in the background of the show and start firing them off. Then we hit the main even which was the He-Man Movie Watchers Club having a discussion on the 1982 cult classic, "This is Spinal Tap".

The Vertically Striped Music Recommendation was "Thanks for Nothing" by Middle Brother.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Tim Tebow breaks his leg.

Tim Tebow broke his leg today in one of the most horrific injuries you will ever see. If you aren't too squeamish, Vertically Striped Socks has obtained an exclusive photo of the injury which can be found below...

Sunday, January 22, 2012

The Muppet Alphabet

A - Animal
B - Beaker/Bunsen Honeydew
C - Crazy Harry
D - Dr. Teeth
E - Sam the Eagle
F - Fozzie Bear
G - Gonzo
H - Hilda (The Muppet Show Seamstress)
I - Irving Bizzare (Fozzie's Agent)
J - Janice
K - Kermit the Frog
L - Lew Zealand
M - Miss Piggy
N - The Newsman
O - Otto the Automatic Entertainer
P - Pepe the King Prawn
Q - Quongo the Wild Mountain Gorilla
R - Rowlf the Dog
S - Stadler
T - The Swedish Chef
U - Uncle Deadly
V - Vendaface
W - Waldorf
X - Xomfey the Pink Stalk (From the Muppet Show Pilot)
Y - Yolanda Rat
Z - Zoot

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Vertically Striped Radio - Episode 146 - 01-21-12 - Electric Wheelchair Duel

Vertically Striped Radio was feeling generous as we were literally giving away million dollar ideas on the show in Episode 146. Not only were we giving away these high value ideas for free, we also invented the new sport of trampoline boxing, which is of course fun for the whole family.

We also had a listener submitted Craigslist Missed Connection that was epic and a story of a nail in a brain. What more do you need? A goofy German mocking LeBron James and some discussion of the NFL's Final Four? Done and Done. Vertically Striped Radio is here to serve!

The Vertically Striped Music Recommendation was "Saw You First" by the band Givers from their album "In Light" and was followed by some small town Mayberry love.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

A non-brief personal history of the Super Bowl.

18 - First Super Bowl I can remember. Watched it in my parents basement. Even as an 8 year old, I was impressed with Marcus Allen's impromptu reverse for 74 yards and a touchdown. This would mark the last time an AFC team would win until I was in college. (And the team that finally broke the NFC streak made me exceedingly happy.)

19 - Remember very little of Marino-Montana. Again watched it in my parents basement.

20 - Remember knowing that the Patriots were going to get pounded by the Bears and being so confident that I bet Tres Coors (He was the third kid in his family, so despite the fact that his real name was "Henry" he always went by "Tres") 5 bucks that the Bears would win. He "paid up" by giving me 5 bucks in Monopoly money. To this day, I think Tres Coors is a rotten bum. Watched the Pats get smoked and remember celebrating when Refridgerator Perry scored, because I thought it was cool a big fat guy would get the ball. I was too young to know that Ditka screwed over Walter Payton by not letting him get into the end zone despite the 46-10 bloodletting they were putting on New England. Watched the Super Bowl in our new house, as we had just moved that year.

21 - My first time having MY team in the Super Bowl! I was so excited, and certain that the Broncos would win. Not yet having lived through seeing what it was liked to get your soul crushed in the big game. I hate Mark Bavaro and Phil Simms to this day. Watched this one in my Dad's office in our house, and remember being up by 1 at halftime and getting so excited that we were going to win the Super Bowl! Still one of the best Super Bowl logos with the cool Rose to signify it was being played in Pasadena.

22 - I learned nothing from the previous year. I was once again supremely confident that the Broncos were going to beat the Redskins. We went to my grandparents house for the game, and it started out so well. Touchdown on their first offensive play to Ricky Nattiel. We were on our way. Up 10-0 at the end of 1. Then the roof caved in during the second quarter. 35 points in one quarter. Ugh. Such a disaster. I was depressed for weeks afterwards. I kept telling myself that if only there were no second quarter, the Broncos won the game 10-7. Perhaps the most depressing Super Bowl ever for me.

23 - 49ers-Bengals was a respite for me. The only Super Bowl during a four year stretch that wouldn't crush my soul. I remember watching at my buddy Mike Uchida's house, and we were more excited that we had 3D glasses to watch the halftime show than we were about the game itself. Still, it was a rare exciting Super Bowl during this era, as the Bengals looked poised to win until Joe Montana saw John Candy. I was cheering for the Benagls, but was fine with the Niners winning.

24 - I've never dreaded a Super Bowl more in my life. Watched the whole game by myself in my parents basement so that I wouldn't hurt any one. I had zero hope we could win this game, as the 49ers that year were a machine. Turned out I was right, and then result was 55-10. That was hard to get over, but it didn't hurt as much because I never once for a moment believed that the Broncos could win that game.

25 - This was an odd Super Bowl, as I didn't much care who won. I suppose I was rooting for the Bills just because I wanted to see the AFC break the NFC's winning streak which was only starting to gain steam. This is perhaps the oddest place I've ever watched a Super Bowl, as my brother and I were addicted to going to "The Video Game Store" a place called Power Play Games which harkens back to a time when a video game store could be a mom and pop organization. We spent an ungodly amount of time there, and we ended up watching almost the entire game at the store, until we walked home and got back in time to see the final drive and Scott Norwood miss the final Field Goal which would have won the Bills the championship.

26 - Watched this Super Bowl at my Aunt's house in Fort Collins. I was cheering for the Redskins, and was pleased with a Super Bowl result for the first time since the 85 Bears won.

27 - Watched at my parents house. Hated the early 90's Cowboys. Hated Leon Lett for celebrating too early and preventing someone from scoring more than 55 points in a Super Bowl thereby wiping out the 49ers record for points scored (against the Broncos in 24.)

28 - Again, watched at my parents house. Remember being annoyed at a Super Bowl re-run, and despite it being a bit closer, still having the Bills fall short. Also felt bad for the Bills, as losing 4 straight Super Bowls has to be one of the hardest things any fan of any team has ever lived through. How 'bout dem Cowboys? No thanks, I just wanted Jimmy Johnson to go away.

29 - Freshman in college and watched at the Campus Center of my college. I remember hoping in vain that the Chargers could win, but not really expecting it. Also remember Steve Young pretending to throw a monkey off of his back. Kind of a crappy Super Bowl.

30 - Sophomore in college, and still watching at the Campus Center. I was cheering like mad for the Steelers because, yes, I hated the early 90's Cowboys. Also felt like Barry Switzer had roughly the same competence as a chimpanzee, and didn't think he deserved to win. A Super exciting Super Bowl which I still feel would have been won by Pittsburgh if Neil O'Donnell didn't suck.

31 - Watched the first half of Patriots-Packers at the Campus Center, went back to my apartment to watch the second half and it was so boring I ended up making out with my girlfriend (now my wife) more than paying attention to the game.

32 - I've never been so nervous for a Super Bowl. I was excited my Broncos were going to be involved for the first time in 8 years, but I wasn't sure if my soul could take another crushing loss, and we were huge underdogs to Brett Favre and the Packers. Best. Super Bowl. Ever. Watched the first half at my buddy's house with a bunch of friends, and then had to leave because I was the only Broncos fan there, and I might have killed someone if I stayed I was so nervous. Went back to my apartment and watched the game with my girlfriend (now wife). There was no making out this year. Jumped up and down like a crazy person once John Mobley knocked down Favre's 4th down pass and it was finally clinched. Stayed up all night surfing the internet on a ridiculously slow dial-up connection reading stories about the first Broncos championship. Deliriously happy!

33 - Went to a Super Bowl party in the tiny town of Anthony, Kansas. Stayed there for the first half. I have never been so confident in a Super Bowl. There was no way the Falcons were beating my Broncos. NO CHANCE. I ended up leaving at halftime again, feeling much less nervous than the year before, but I left anyway to go back to my own house in Anthony, KS, as that strategy worked the year before, and although I'm not highly superstitious. I wasn't going to mess with success. Remember feeling very happy winning the second Super Bowl championship, but not as ecstatic as I was the prior year

34 - Hosted a Super Bowl party in my tiny house that only cost $175 to rent a month in Anthony, Kansas. Had televisions set up everywhere, and felt no pressure, as I didn't care who won and was just hoping for a close game. We got it in one of the best finishes in Super Bowl history.

35 - I had moved back to Denver, and went to my buddy Doug's house to watch the Ravens beat the Giants in one of the most boring Super Bowls ever.

36 - Hosted a Super Bowl party with my wife in our apartment in Englewood, Colorado. I remember having far too many people at the game who didn't give a crap about football, and I was annoyed so many people were not paying attention to the game. This year began the genesis for my buddy Doug's and my idea for the Super Bowl Unparty; a tradition which would begin a few years later.

37 - The Buccaneers only championship was the happiest I have been since the Broncos last won a championship because it robbed the Raiders of a chance to win a championship, and they were pounded! This was the final Super Bowl party I ever hosted, and the only time I ever hosted a Super Bowl at the house where I now live.

38 - Drove down to Colorado Springs to spend Super Sunday at a Super Bowl party at my brother's house. I remember this being a fairly low key party with only a few friends, and a really good time, good game. I was paying no attention to the halftime, and was shocked at how big a deal Janet Jackson's nipple slip became, since I never saw it happen. The only bummer was that I had to drive an hour north back to Denver after the game, and I was very tired as I stayed there far too long after the game.

39 - This was the final Super Bowl party I ever attended. Never again. It was at my buddy Doug's house, and there were roughly ten billion people at the party. It was loud, it was annoying, and my newborn daughter who had been born only a few weeks later was in the throes of a rough bout with colic. I finally found a quiet room where I watched Donovan McNabb run out of gas in the 4th quarter and the Eagles run a 2 minute drill like they were winning instead of desperately in need of points. I wanted the Eagles to win, but they were having none of it. I swore we would no longer do Super Bowl parties, and my buddy Doug agreed.

40 - The Unparty is born! Steelers and Seahawks was kind of a dud Super Bowl, as we were all cheering for Seattle, but a Super Bowl party of just my buddy and I and our families was a remarkable success. We could focus on the game, we had tons of good food, and zero bums and hangers on bringing us down. We have been at my Buddy's house every year since.

41 - Unparty 2 was just as good as the first one. We were cheering for the Colts over the Bears, so we actually were happy at the end of this one. Kind of a dud game again, but the Unparty was gaining steam.

42 - Unparty 3 was epic. Same great environment as the previous two, only this time we had a spectacular game as well. Seeing the Giants take down the undefeated and totally hateable Patriots on top of the Unparty goodness was swell.

43 - Unparty 4 was almost as good as 3, except we were all rooting for the Cardinals and they didn't get it done. Still, that was an excellent game, and the unparty tradition had taken hold.

44 - Unparty 5 kept alive a 3 year streak of unparty goodness plus a good game. Peyton Manning falling apart with a Pick 6 when you were expecting him to drive to tie the game. Yes, we were rooting for the Saints.

45 - Unparty 6 another good game, and the team we wanted to win getting the W. If Rashard Mendenhall doesn't fumble on the first play of the 4th quarter, the Steelers get the W. But he did, and they didn't.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Beaker and Dr. Bunsen Honeydew

I'm not one to brag, but that's a pretty sweet Muppet themed shirt!

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Some guys just can't make a Fedora work.

For anyone who was listening to Vertically Striped Radio's Episode 145 and wanted to see how ridiculous the hat Ben Roethlisberger was wearing after the Steelers lost to the Broncos in the Wildcard round of the NFL you go.

Vertically Striped Radio - Episode 145 - 01-14-12 - Jail the Amish.

Divisional Playoff Weekend, and Craig was prepping for Patriots-Broncos by watching Saints-49ers. Craig got his mind right by sharing stories about jailing the Amish and a religion based around internet piracy. 

He and Face then welcomed The Whale to the airwaves and the three aired the inagural Mitch edition of the Week in Wankery (Nice hat, Ben.) and then we debuted a new segment we like to call "Craigslist missed connections".

We reviewed our preseason NFL division predictions. Face and Craig tied, but we decided that Face wins the tiebreaker based soley on how bad Craig's NFL Champion prediction was. We quickly decided on the next movie for the He-Man Movie Watchers Club meeting in two weeks. We will be discussing "This is Spinal Tap" and then Craig wrapped things up with a Music Recommendation of "One Red Thread" by Blind Pilot. (And a bonus song involving Tebow at the end.)

Friday, January 13, 2012

Tebowie - If David Bowie and Tim Tebow were one

More Tebow madness...sensing a theme this week??

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Everytime I think the Tim Tebow mania can't get Loopier, someone goes and proves that it can.

John Parr, the original singer of "Saint Elmo's Fire" has reworked his trademark hit. The results are embarrassing. To all those non-Broncos fan who grow weary of this nonsense, I understand your pain. This is getting ridiculous. That said, I hope it doesn't stop.

Growin' up
Gotta keep your eye on the ball
Make it fly,
Give it everything, give your all
But maybe sometimes if you feel the pain
You'll find you're all alone
Everything has changed

Play the game
You know you can't quit until it's won
Soldier on
Only you can do what must be done
You know I’m out there
Down on one knee
a prisoner
And I’m tryin' to break free


I can see a new horizon
Underneath the blazin' sky
I'll be where the eagle's
Flyin' higher and higher
Gonna be a man in motion
All I needs my Broncos team
Take me where my future's lyin'
Tim Tebows Fire


Burnin' up
Don't know just how far that I can go
(Just how far I go)
Soon be home
Only just 4 downs to go
I can make it
I know I can
You broke the boy in me
But you won't break the man


I can see a new horizon
blazin on the Mile High
I'll be where the eagle's
Flyin' higher and higher
Gonna be your man in motion
All I needs my Broncos team
Take me where my future's lyin'
Tim Tebows Fire

I can climb the highest mountain
These Broncos cant be beat
I can feel St Elmo’s Fire burnin' in me
Burnin' in me

Just once in his life
A man has his time
And my time is now
And I'm comin' alive

I can hear the music playin'
I can see the banners fly
Feel like a man again
I’ll hold my head high
Gonna be a man in motion
These broncos can’t be beat
Take me where my future's lyin'
Tim Tebow’s fire


I can climb the highest mountain
Cross the wildest sea
I can feel St. Elmo's Fire burnin' in me

Burnin' in me
I can feel it burnin'
Oooh, burnin' inside of me

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Why I Hate Religion, But Love Jesus

This is pretty awesome.

Things are getting out of control in Denver...

My boss just emailed this to our entire department, and she titled the email, "We're expecting."

Look, I enjoyed the Broncos win as much as (if not more) than anyone, but things are starting to get nutty. If the Broncos do the unexpected and actually find a way to win in New England (I'm not betting that way, but IF), this town may lose it's collective mind.

Monday, January 9, 2012

Vertically Striped Radio - Episode 144 - 01-09-12 - Talkin' Broncos

Somehow the Broncos won a playoff game against the Steelers in a game that took 11 extra seconds. Craig had to talk about it, so he summoned the ghosts of co-hosts past, and the result was three Broncos fans basking in the reflective glory of a wonderful NFL playoff game. Join Craig and his former co-hosts Bruce Dodge and MJ Amory as we talk a lot of Broncos football. (Warning: I'm talking a LOT of Broncos football.)

The highlight of the show is Bruce's shocking and embarrasing admission of his view from the stadium of the single overtime play. Craig wraps up the show by playing music recommendation from a 1977 Denver Broncos running back. It's as terrible as it sounds, but Jon Keyworth's "Make Those Miracles Happen" is a sentimental choice for old timer Broncos fans.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Broncos time in America!

I have small amounts of confidence in my Broncos today, but that doesn't mean I'm not cheering for them. Go Broncos!

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Vertically Striped Radio - Episode 143 - 01-07-12 - Big Brother Madness

Wildcard Saturday, and Craig was slightly distracted as the Bengals and Texans were doing postseason battle in Houston. We fought through the distractions, and after an eventful newscast that brought on a discussion of the glorious comedic stylings of Mitch Hedberg, we broke down the Message Board Big Brother contest, which has already invoked a great deal of contraversy in the week it has been running.

The Ed called in to fight with Face Ventura, as those two have been the chief reasons the Big Brother game has been so contentious. After about an hour of Ed shennanigans (If you were sad that you missed the Ed Show this week, this should take care of your Ed cravings) we said goodbye to The Ed.

We set a world record for ease of getting Ed off the phone, and finished the show up with Craig, The Whale and Face doing a Magnificent Seven list of Craig's Top Seven most annoying sounds. We finished up with a music recommendation of "Dig a Little Deeper" by Peter Bjorn and John.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Tebow should not be guaranteed anything.

Enough is enough. Tim Tebow was fun for a moment, but the league has this gimmick figured out. 3 points against the Chiefs? THREE!!! And that measly Field Goal only occurred thanks to a muffed punt. The Broncos are the textbook definition of "Backing into the playoffs" and with a date next Sunday against the Pittsburgh Steelers, I fear it's going to be a remarkably short and painful postseason.

Tim Tebow is not an NFL quarterback. He's had some terrific moments for the Broncos this year. And this season has been more fun than what we've seen in Denver in some time, but the long term plan for the Broncos cannot include Timmy. He's a good kid, a tremendous leader, and fun to cheer for, however there is one small problem...He's not a quarterback. That's a problem when trying to play quarterback in the NFL.

John Elway finds himself in a weird position as the head man for the Broncos. He's got a liability at quarterback and yet the entire city of Denver will lose it's mind when he does the right thing and tries to replace him. It's a scenario that could set the Broncos back a few years in their development, and I don't know that there is an easy fix. In theory, after improbably leading the Broncos to a division championship, Tim probably deserves a chance to keep the job going into next year. However, with as terrible as he has looked even when winning, not sure if the Broncos can afford to keep him back there. At the very least, there needs to be some serious competition from a credible veteran.

It sounds like I'm throwing dirt on the Broncos before they even play their playoff game, and while I think the odds of a victory are incredibly low, maybe they can pull it out. Maybe. A victory against the Steelers feels impossible, but there's always the "Any given Sunday" cliche, that cliche exists for a reason. So I will hope for the best, while expecting the worst. I'm still rooting for my boys, but I'm not expecting much. Go Broncos.