Sunday, May 23, 2010

Magnificent 7: Top Seven Muppets

This past Saturday on Vertically Striped Radio ( we had a Magnificent Seven list of the greatest Muppets of all time. The segment was good, but I felt it could use a little more, since that was one of my favorite lists ever. So, here in order are the Top 7 Muppets as revealed on the show...

Seven: Sam the Eagle

Best Line: "You are all weirdos"
Profile: Based on Richard Nixon, Sam the Eagle stands for truth, justice, and the American way. Overly obsessed with high culture and decency, Sam is extremely uptight. His delivery is top-notch and hilarious.

Six: The Swedish Chef
Best Line: "Bork! Bork! Bork!"
Profile: He sings and speaks gibberish with a Swedish accent and throws food into the air as he allegedly teaches you to cook. Pretty much all his recipes go wrong, and sometimes he is tasked with slaughtering his creation...which never quite works out. That's pretty much it, and yet he is transcendent at doing what he does. It's tough to NOT like the Swedish Chef.

Five: Dr. Bunson Honeydew and Beaker

Best Line: "Meep!"
Profile: Okay, I'm cheating here, this isn't one Muppet, but two. Still, they are a team that pretty much always works together. Dr. Bunson Honeydew is the scientist from Muppet Labs who comes up with crackpot schemes, and Beaker is his lab assistant on whom all his schemes are tested...usually to a painful effect. Beaker also has perhaps the most comically wonderful physical shape of any Muppet in history. He literally looks like a beaker, plus he has the fantastic tuft of orange hair and those tremendously expressive eyes. You can't help but feel sorry for Beaker, or help but laugh at his travails. Beaker rules.

And one extra thing with just Beaker...singing "Ode to Joy" of course...

Four: Gonzo

Line: "I am Gonzo the Great!"
Profile: Most Muppets can be described as some type of animal; We don't really know what Gonzo is, but generally he gets referred to as a "Whatever." He has been romantically linked to Camilla the Chicken, and his daredevil career is bolstered by the fact that he shows absolutely no fear of being shot out of a cannon. Gonzo brings the weird. If you enjoy the ridiculous over the top weirdness, Gonzo is your man, er...your Whatever.

Three: Fozzie Bear

Line: "Wakka! Wakka! Wakka!"
Profile: Fozzie is an extremely friendly bear who fancies himself a top notch comedian/Vaudeville performer. This impression he has of himself is shared by very few, as he is consistently bombing on stage during his act. Fozzie is lovable and is hilarious when he isn't trying to be, but tremendously unfunny when he is trying to be.

Two: Statler and Waldorf

Line: "That was Terrible"
Profile: Another inseparable duo, Statler and Waldorf aren't always known by name, but who doesn't love "The Grumpy Old guys in the balcony." These two are professional hecklers, and they are old and grumpy and pretty much hate everything. They are the masters of mockery, and I've never seen a Statler and Waldorf bit that didn't make me smile.

One: Kermit the Frog

Line: "Hi Ho, Kermit the Frog here!"
Profile: The main frog of the Muppet experience. Kermit is the most versatile of the Muppets. He can be used as the funny character or the Straight Man. He's funny in either role, plus he can sing. Kermit is the engine that drives the Muppets, and he'll always be my favorite.

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