Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Breaking down the Super Bowl into bite sized morsels of chewy goodness.

Okay, so were are only a few days away from the Forty-Third edition of the Super Bowl, and I have a few thoughts. First of all, can we do away with the Roman numerals already?? Seriously, how many Romans are even all that interested in football anyway? Why are we catering to this very small demographic? Arabic numerals are so much simpler and more elegant. Who would complain if we just went with Super Bowl 43? It's so much simpler than all these X's, L's and I's. I feel the world is ready for a Roman numeral-less Super Bowl.

If we are going to stay with the Roman numerals, could we at least spruce up the Super Bowl logo a bit this year? This years logo reminds me of an updated logo for some mundane product like Tide detergent. As far as logos go, this one puts me to sleep. Although, in a positive development, I am happy to say that next year's logo has been unveiled and it is beautiful...

Honestly, how good is that orange and blue logo going to look on the Denver Broncos uniforms in next year's Super Bowl?? I can't wait for how great that is going to look when Josh McDaniels leads the boys onto the field in Miami!

But I am getting ahead of myself, we haven't yet played this year's game. Amazingly, the Broncos are not part of the festivities. (Well, perhaps not THAT amazingly if you saw them play this season.) This year's game features the Pittsburgh Steelers and their legion of die hard fans and 5 previous Super Bowl championship trophies vs. the Arizona Cardinals and a handful of guys who got onto the Cardinals bandwagon because they thought that they would get a coupon good for two for one grand slams at Denny's.

The greatest discrepancy I see between the Cardinals and the Steelers is with their respective fan bases. Steelers fans are some of the most loyal and fantastic fans in all of sports, they routinely fill opposing stadiums with tons of fans clad in Black and Yellow waving their Myron Cope officially licensed Terrible Towels. They are everywhere, as the Steelers are one of the most popular teams in all the land, despite the fact that they can't seem to afford to put a logo on both sides of their helmets. There are rumors that Cardinals fans do in fact exist, but I have never met one, and I even lived in Arizona for a summer. There are a lot of people hopping on the bandwagon now, but if there is such a thing as a die hard Cards fan, I have yet to experience this phenomenon.

As for the teams on the field, all logic points to a Pittsburgh victory and by a sizable margin. I am officially on board the Cardinals bandwagon, though, and I keep hoping against hope that somehow all the logic that is staring me in the face about this game being a blowout is wrong. Since I comically underestimated the Cardinals this postseason by picking them to lose every single game that they played, there is a tiny mite of hope that I will continue to be wrong. My hope is that this is a close competitive game in which Arizona at least has a chance to win. My fear is that it will be over by halftime.

The Steelers defense is really good. The Cardinals defense has been opportunistic this postseason, but they are pretty pedestrian on the whole. The Steelers offense has been okay this season, although they have a hard time picking up short yardage plays when they need to, and their running game in general isn't that great. The Cardinals offense is the epitome of Jekyll and Hyde. At times, Kurt Warner and his cadre of stud wide receivers look positively unstoppable. With weapons like Anquan Boldin and Larry Fitzgerald they can be scary at times, and then at other times Warner looks like an old QB looking for a soft place to fall. Edgerrin James barely played in the regular season per the coach's decision, and in the playoffs he looks like a guy who is trying to prove that his coach was an idiot for not playing him in the regular season. Suddenly, the Cards have had a running game which makes their passing game even more dangerous. If the Cards are to have any chance, they need the good offense to show up.

Finally, and perhaps most impressively, we must break down the coaching match up. This year's big game features two coaches who also double as celebrity impersonators. The Steelers Mike Tomlin, who looks exactly like Omar Epps from the TV show House...

...and Ken Whisenhunt, who looks a bit like Woody Harrelson.

These guys not only both look like television stars, they also happen to be pretty darn good football coaches. Whisenhunt has the added advantage of having formerly been a offensive coordinator for the Steelers, so perhaps he has some inside knowledge of how to bring down Big Ben?

Perhaps...but I don't see it. I want so badly to predict an upset by the Cardinals, but I just can't see it happening. My heart wants to pick the Cardinals, but my head is over ruling my heart and telling it to stop picking football games and get back into my chest cavity and get back to pumping blood like it's supposed to be doing.

My pick? Make mine: Pittsburgh Steelers 31 Arizona Cardinals 20

That may be my prediction, but I'm still hoping against hope for a Cards victory. GO ARIZONA!

1 comment:

Trinket said...

He DOES look just like Omar Epps! Wacky.