NFL Weekend Preview: Week 15

The ultimate battle of good versus evil, only evil is now completely and totally inept.

Indianapolis at Jacksonville – For the love of all things holy, the Colts better not play all their scrubs and act like this game doesn’t mean anything. They have a chance to be the first ever 19-0 team, and to give up that chance would be criminal. Not to mention that if they lie down and allow the Jaguars to win, we are that much closer to the Jaguars making the playoffs…which is unacceptable. I’m counting on Jim Caldwell to do the right thing here: Go for the throat and a chance at immortality! Colts 31 Jaguars 17

Dallas at New Orleans – The Saints have been living on the edge the past few weeks and are ripe for a Saturday Night upset, but fortunately for them they are facing a team that is suffering a massive crisis of confidence as they appear to be sliding down their usual December chute of ineptitude. Plus this is a night game in the bayou, Saints roll. Saints 35 Cowboys 13

Atlanta at New York Jets – This game is more important for the Jet Set than the Dirty Birds. The Falcons are questionable enough even without having Matt Ryan and Michael Turner officially listed that way on the injury list. Chris Redman has looked surprisingly effective filling in for Matty Ice, but there is too many things pointing against Atlanta. Jets 20 Falcons 13

San Francisco at Philadelphia – Lost in the hoopla of the national media saying that the Eagles are back and a team to be reckoned with is the fact that they gave up 38 points and over 500 yards of offense to the Giants in that win. Sure, they scored 45 points, but at some point during a championship run you have to stop somebody, right? Well, if you want to get better at stopping people, the 49ers are probably a good team to play against. They aren’t exactly exploding with offensive threats. Eagles 30 49ers 21

The Swine Flu, not the sole reason that the Rams are terrible.

Houston at Saint Louis – The Rams dumped Guard Richie Incognito this week as a result of his head butting ways which he showcased yet again in the loss to the Titans last week. The Bills promptly picked up Incognito which shot holes in my theory that other than Steven Jackson, no one would want to pick up any member of the Rams. Apparently the Rams cancelled practice today, the official reason given was that it was due to an outbreak of Swine Flu on the team, but I think the real reason practice was cancelled was due to general lack of interest. Texans 34 Rams 7

New England at Buffalo – The Patriots are getting dragged through the mud as a bunch of underachievers and a team that is past it’s prime and looking for a soft place to fall. I think reports their demise may be a bit over exaggerated, as I have a hard time seeing them missing the playoffs to a team like the Jets or the Dolphins, and they should slaughter a middling Bills team no matter where the game is played. Randy Moss may have starting acting like Randy Moss and quitting on plays, but there is still enough talent in New England to get them to the playoffs. It may be a short visit to the postseason, but they’ll be there, and they’ll definitely show up enough to put away the Bills. Patriots 23 Bills 13

Chicago at Baltimore – The Ravens are the team I predict will be flying high by the time they reach the playoffs, I have them running the table and rising all the way to the 5th seed in the AFC where they will put the Patriots out of there misery before finally having their season end either in Indianapolis or San Diego. The Bears are not bound for such glory, as they are probably going to finish 6-10. I’m guessing no one will commission a large statue of Jay Cutler in Chicago this offseason. I don’t see this game being very competitive. Ravens 29 Bears 13

Miami at Tennessee – This is a pretty good game, the Dolphins have a shot at the playoffs, but they really need this one. The Titans have a tiny shot, but if it’s going to happen they absolutely MUST win this game. Both of these teams are pretty hot right now, and even though I don’t think either will make the postseason, this may be the most competitive game of the week. Titans 19 Dolphins 16

Cleveland at Kansas City – This is the worst game of the week, and possibly the worst game of the year. What I want to do is predict a 0-0 tie as neither team deserves to win or to even score in this game. I’m not going to pick a tie, but I do think I’ll predict an epically bad field goal battle. Chiefs 9
Browns 6

Arizona at Detroit – The Cardinals lost a horrible game in San Francisco on Monday night. However, they only lost 24-9 despite turning the ball over 7 times. No team is going to win a game in which they turn over the ball seven times, and only losing by 15 in that scenario is not overly terrible. The Lions are flat out bad, and Arizona is due to get back on track. Cardinals 27 Lions 17

While they once were mighty, pretty much the Raiders now stink.

Oakland at Denver – The Broncos played admirably against the Colts in Indianapolis last week, and they now come home to face a terrible team starting a third string quarterback. Last year the Raiders came into Denver as a huge underdog and thumped the Broncos 31-10, that is not happening again. This Raiders team is not good enough to beat the Broncos on Sunday, I firmly believe the Broncos will win big. In fact, let’s just use that same score from last season in reverse. Broncos 31 Raiders 10

Cincinnati at San Diego – The Bengals offense is just not good enough for me to take them seriously as a major contender in the AFC. It will be interesting to see what the impact of the sudden death of teammate Chris Henry will have on Cincy as these types of things can sometimes energize teams. However, I don’t know if that will be enough to get the Bengals over the hump against a really good San Diego team. The Chargers are good enough to win the whole thing, and they haven’t lost in December in a long time. They’ll take care of business against Cincy and all but wrap up the 2nd seed in the process. Chargers 33 Bengals 19

Green Bay at Pittsburgh – The defending champs are all but finished for the season, they’ve lost five straight games, and I’ll be greatly surprised if it isn’t six in a row by the time Sunday’s game with the Packers is over. Green Bay is surging and look ready to roll into the postseason, a matchup in December in Pittsburgh looked like a heck of a game back in October, but now it looks more like a dud. I’m guessing the Steelers actually make a decent game out of this one, but I think they lose in the end. Packers 24 Steelers 21

Tampa Bay at Seattle – The Seahawks are not a good team at all, but they occasionally explode and destroy really bad teams when they are playing at home. Tampa definitely qualifies as a really bad team, and I think the Hawks get their last win of the season in blowout fashion once again Seahawks 31 Buccaneers 3

Minnesota at Carolina – This feels like the kind of game that the Vikes don’t really need and that Carolina will be playing as if it were their Super Bowl. Brett Favre has played one bad game in December, so why not one more? In a bit of a surprise I’ll take Carolina. Panthers 26 Vikings 23

New York Giants at Washington – The Redskins are bad, but they can be frisky. The Giants have definitely cooled since their fast start, and now desperately need wins to have a shot at the playoffs. I think the G-men win this one out of necessity and the Redskins lose as Jim Zorn plays out the string until his inevitable firing that will occur the day after the season ends. Giants 28 Redskins 24


My Picks Scorecard:

Last Week: 12-4
Season to Date: 134-74


Playoff Preview: Here are my projections for the NFL playoff seedings.
Only one change this week in the playoff projections, I now have the Eagles in the 3 slot in the NFC and the Cardinals in the 4 slot. The AFC remains unchanged.

AFC:

1. Colts
2. Chargers
3. Bengals
4. Patriots
5. Ravens
6. Broncos

NFC:

1. Saints
2. Vikings
3. Eagles
4. Cardinals
5. Packers
6. Giants

Powerlines: Week 14 NFL Power Rankings

If nothing else, I dig this guy's haircut.

Only three regular season weeks left. It's time for your team to make a playoff push, or if your team is eliminated, time to hope that they fall flat on their faces to end the year so that they get a better draft pick. Either way, there is a lot of excitement in the air in the NFL as we head down the stretch. Here is how I see the NFL this week...


1. Colts - How good is Peyton Manning? He threw for 4 touchdowns on Sunday and his team won by 12, and yet the general consensus was that he had a terrible game. If the Colts don't go undefeated, it's only because they don't want to go undefeated.

2. Saints - The Saints endured yet another close call to remain perfect, and even though a three point win against an undermanned Falcons team is far from impressive, it is impressive to find ways to win even when they are not playing a their best. Plus, who doesn't like the Saints??

3. Chargers - San Diego went into Dallas and shut down the Cowboys. Although the score was close, the outcome was never in doubt, and it only looks close thanks to a garbage time touchdown in the closing moments. Phil Rivers and company are rolling.

4. Vikings - Throttling a very solid Bengals team was exceptionally impressive. Favre and Peterson get the most ink, but the Vikings defensive line is scary, and the secondary is much improved with Antoine Winfield back again. The buzz around the NFL is that a Colts vs. Saints Super Bowl seems likely, but don't be surprised if the Chargers and Vikings meet up in Miami.

5. Eagles - The Eagles won the defense optional game in the Meadowlands, and with that victory likely the division. If anyone is going to screw up a Vikings-Saints NFC Championship matchup, it will probably be Philly.

6. Bengals - The Bengals have been solid this season, but Carson Palmer is struggling. The Bengals have only scored over 20 points once in the last six games, and that was against Detroit. Cincy has a fantastic defense, but the offense may be their Achilles heel. After seeing how they were trounced in Minnesota, I'm selling on the Bengals. They need to be able to score to win a championship.

7. Packers - My preseason pick to win the Lombardi trophy has been pretty solid of late. I don't think they can win it all, but they'll go on the road and put a scare into some division winner in the playoffs. Aaron Rodgers is making Green Bay not look completely stupid for ditching Favre with a stellar season of his own this year.

8. Ravens - Is this too high for a team that's only a game over .500 right now? Probably, but I think the Ravens are primed to soar into the playoffs as the #5 seed right now, which if they do, I think they'll beat New England and be tough on the road in either Baltimore or San Diego. They are mired in the playoff morass, but I think they pull through to clinch the first wild card.

9. Patriots - Randy Moss takes plays off and doesn't play hard when the play isn't designed for him? This is SHOCKING news! The Patriots are getting old, their defense is mediocre, and their running game is pathetic. Tom Brady basically has Wes Welker, a pouting Randy Moss, and NOTHING else. Let's just say that I don't think putting a bet down on the Patriots to win it all is a very good idea at this point. If their schedule wasn't so tame, I would think it possible that they cough up the division, but the Dolphins and/or Jets aren't going to be able to make up enough ground when the Pats finish with Buffalo, Jacksonville, and Houston.

10. Cardinals - Just when the Cards suck you in to believing in them, they go and lay an egg in San Francisco. No team in the world is going to win when they turn the ball over seven times in a game. You can possibly chalk that one up to a fluke, but good teams don't give the ball to the other team seven times. They're going to win the West because the NFC West is atrocious, but I'm not anticipating a second run to the Super Bowl.

11. Broncos - I feel better about Denver after losing to the Colts than I did after some of their wins. After spotting the Colts a 21-0 lead with terrible defense to start the game, they buckled down and went toe to toe with Indianapolis, and they could have possibly won the game if they could have stopped Peyton Manning just one more time. I don't think the Broncos have anything approaching a team good enough to make some noise in the playoffs, but I do think they get there and could possibly even win a game if they do everything right.

12. Cowboys - Every year I try to talk myself into the Cowboys not stinking in December, and yet every year they stink in December. Their closing schedule is brutal, and I just don't think that they will make the playoffs this year.

13. Dolphins - They have an excellent shot at qualifying for the playoffs, but they'll need to sweep through the Titans, Texans, and Steelers to do so, and I'm not sure this team can be consistent enough to win those three in a row. Losing to the Bills at the end of November really hurts this team...if they win that game like they should have, I think they're close to a lock to make the postseason.

14. Titans - It would take a small miracle for the Titans to qualify for the playoffs, but they haven't given up yet and I guarantee you that the Dolphins and Chargers are none to happy to have Tennessee on their schedule. So much depends upon the health of Vince Young's hamstring on how competitive the Titans will be to finish the year.

15. Giants - New York can't buy a break, and while they are definitely in the playoff hunt, they're going to need to shore up the defense to have a legit shot. Very rarely do teams give up 45 points and win games.

16. Jets - The final three games are too tough for Matt Sanchez and the Jets. With games against the Falcons, Colts, and Bengals, I'll be shocked if they are in the mix at the end.

17. Texans - It seems unlikely that Gary Kubiak will keep his job without making the playoffs, and it REALLY seems unlikely that the Texans will be able to make the playoffs. Sorry, Gary.

18. Steelers - This team has completely fallen off the map. In their embarrassing 5 game skid, they have lost to the Chiefs, Raiders, and Browns. That is absolutely unconscionable, those teams are beyond dreadful. It's completely conceivable that this team that looked like world beaters on a Monday Night in Denver (oh, and they're the reigning champs, too.) could lose every game in the second half of the season. I'm sure the 6 Lombardi Trophies help lessen the sting, but I am sure glad I'm not a Steeler fan right now.

19. Jaguars - Somehow this team is currently one of the 6 playoff seeds in the AFC if the season ended today. I'm not sure what would confuse me more, though. If they actually ended the season with three games to go or the fact that the Jags would actually be in the playoffs in that scenario. Mark my words, the Jags DO NOT make the playoffs.

20. 49ers - Thumping the Cardinals was a textbook case of too little, too late.

21. Falcons - After a Cinderella season of sorts last year, it's important to remember that the Falcons just aren't all that good. Not having Matt Ryan or Michael Turner doesn't help things, either. Although Chris Redman didn't exactly embarrass himself with 303 passing yards and a touchdown against the Saints.

22. Panthers - What a disappointing season for the team that had the second best record in the NFC last season. Carolina is going to have to find some way to get a legit quarterback, which is going to be tough without a first round draft pick.

23. Bears - Has a town ever fallen in and out of love with a football player faster than Chicago has with Jay Cutler? There is something that is just hard to love about that guy, and tossing 22 picks and going 5-8 certainly doesn't help matters.

24. Bills - Yes, Buffalo is a lousy team, but you need to take them seriously or they'll ruin your playoff chances...just ask the Dolphins, Panthers, or Jets.

25. Seahawks - If the Seahawks were a pet, you'd take them to the Vet and have them put to sleep. There just is no reason for them to be around anymore and it's painful for both us and them that they need to play their final three games.

26. Redskins - Another team that is dreadful, but that get frisky and take down teams that aren't prepared for them...Oh wait, that was just the Broncos that got tripped up by them...no one else has dropped a game to this sad sack bunch of losers. Other than that, their other three wins come against the power troika of the Rams, Bucs, and Raiders.

27. Raiders - Just as Oakland was enjoying their first glimmer of hope in years in the form of Bruce Gradkowski, that hope is crushed with a season ending injury and what's even worse for Raider fans is that the reigns are being given back over to JaMarcus Russell. Talk about soul crushing, it's to the point that I actually almost feel sorry for the Raiders. A dark dark cloud hangs over that franchise.

28. Chiefs - In what is certainly the least anticipated game of the week, the Chiefs host the Browns at Arrowhead. Thank God for fantasy football, or there would be absolutely zero reason to pay attention to this game at all. Actually, even with fantasy football...It's hard to make a case. These teams are putrid.

29. Lions - Not sure there are too many positives that can be gleaned from being trounced 48-3 by the Ravens. Hey, at least you didn't get shutout, Detroit! Way to go!

30. Browns - After losing 12 straight games to Pittsburgh, I guess the Browns were due. Let us in no way pretend that beating a nosediving Steelers team means that the Browns are actually a decent team.

31. Buccaneers - 3 Interceptions and only 93 yards passing...Josh Freeman is who we thought he was...or at least he is if you thought he was terrible. Rough season in Tampa this year.

32. Rams - Could the Rams offensive players have more appropriate names? On Sunday their starting guard was Richie Incognito and they were quarterbacked by someone named Keith Null. The only thing that could be better would be if they had a wide receiver named Jonathan Cantcatch and a running back named LaMarcus Fumble. Yup, the Rams are atrocious.

The Small Child Field Manual: The Bathtub

Hardly anything beats bath time!

Navy Seal, bomb squad member, Oakland Raiders beat reporter…there are some tough jobs out there, but one under-reported difficult job is parent of dirty small children. Yeah, that’s right, sounds easy, but giving a two-year old boy and a four-year old girl a bath requires an iron will and nerves of steel.

An experienced parent knows that you do need to bathe your children…something about avoiding disease, keeping your home dirt and germ free, and just avoiding the overall gross factor. We try to bathe them every two or three days, but that has been known to stretch out to a week or so when I’m not feeling up to the battle. That’s right, I said battle.

My little guy absolutely loves his bath, but he isn’t always good at it. Or, at least he’s good at it in a way that I wish he wasn’t. My girl also usually enjoys taking a bath, but she will fight you every step of the way if you try to give her one. When I announce to them that it’s bath night, all manner of hoo-ha and noise breaks out. Sometimes it’s excitement and two small bouncing heads giddy with excitement at the prospect of getting wet, sometimes it’s loud protests from the girl who feels that she is not dirty or weird excuses as to why she can’t take a bath such as, “My mouth hurts.” or “I’m too tired.” Whatever the reaction to the bath-time announcement it is always loud and it is always immediate. To the untrained eye, bathing a two-year old boy and a four-year old girl seems like an cuddly and cute activity, but I assure you it’s warfare. Cute and cuddly warfare, to be sure, but still warfare.

Whadda ya mean, I gotta take off my clothes?

First of all, you need to calm them down from the excitement induced from merely stating that it is, in fact, time to take a bath. Hopping two year olds have been known to hop into the tub fully clothed in their excitement, so the calm-down is a necessary step. Once the children are moderately calm, the next item in the chain of events is removing clothing. An excitable kid who wants to get into a bubble bath has very little interest in making sure that his jeans and diaper do not become water-logged, so as you are trying to wrangle them, they will certainly be placing their hands and fingers and occasionally feet into the stream of water from the spout of the still-filling bathtub. Plus, removing partially wet jeans from the body of a wiggling tot is tougher than it sounds. Fortunately, my daughter is old enough to take off her own clothes, which can be a blessing. It can also be a bit embarrassing at times, such as when your half-naked daughter walks into a room filled with your friends who are over for dinner.

Once I manage to get both kids disrobed and sitting in the tub, that’s when the danger begins. It is best to engage in this battle armed with the appropriate bath-time battle gear which consists of clothes that you will not want to wear any longer than the session of the bath. There are few immutable laws in the universe. These laws include gravity, entropy, and those laws governing the absolute certainty of both Death and Taxes. The following is one such irrefutable rule: You will desire to immediately change your outfit at the conclusion of a small child’s bath, as you will be wet.

You see, once the kids get wet, they have a strong desire to make certain that anyone in their immediate vicinity is also wet. Much as those who scale Everest must have the appropriate gear, it is important to wear appropriate bath-time clothing. Long-sleeved shirts or sweaters are discouraged, as that’s just more fabric to get soaked, jeans are acceptable so long as you do not plan on wearing them again until after laundry day, and socks are right out. If you’re wearing socks when you bathe two small children than you’re either a fan of wrinkled feet or you’re very inexperienced at this whole bath thing.

If you are appropriately equipped for battle in your bare feet, ratty t-shirt and dirty jeans, you are ready to proceed. It is important to note that one thing that kids universally do not like is getting soap in their eyes. However, they seem to have no compunction with getting soap into the eyes of anyone else. Splash fights must be nipped in the bud immediately, or you will have two kids pointing at each other and decrying the sins of the other without ever considering what their own actions contributed to the situation.

Rub a dub dub, a sweet Ellie in the tub!

Their desire to avoid getting soap in their eyes is also important to remember when trying to wash little ones’ hair. Kids love getting wet, but they hate putting their head under the water to get their hair wet. My method of washing my children’s hair involves dipping them once to get the hair wet, applying the shampoo from a bottle that is adorned with some manner of cartoon fish or animated mermaid, and then dipping the child again into the soapy water to rinse. This step is the crux of the battle, and if you can accomplish this step, you are a true bath warrior.

Your children will scream all manner of child inspired reasons why this dipping step should not be taken, but if you maintain your will, the battle can be won. The most difficult part of the hair washing is fighting your own child’s desire to not maintain calm. The biggest reason that soap gets in their eyes when you dip them to wash their hair is because they wiggle and convulse like a freshly caught trout trying to escape the fishing boat. If you can get them to be calm, they won’t get soap in their eyes. I have convinced my daughter of this, and ever since she realized it, she isn’t too tough to bathe, but my son still subscribes to the school of wiggle and toss. In the end, I prevail and both boy and girl hair has been cleaned.

The next step is totally optional, but will make your children endlessly happy if you allow it…Bath Playtime. Since they are now clean, it is acceptable to take the kids out of the tub at this point. However, they love to get their bath toys and play and splash with them. This is probably the cutest part of the bath-time ritual, and fun to watch, but beware that it is also the point at which your bathroom will take the largest amount of collateral damage. It is advisable at this point to have two or three large absorbent towels at the ready, as kids have remarkable abilities to displace water. It shouldn’t even be physically possible for them to get more water on your bathroom floor than you put into the bathtub, but I swear that my children have accomplished this feat on at least five or six occasions. If you’re going to allow playtime, my only recommendation is that you also be armed with a camera, as you’re going to get some cute shots that you will treasure always and also be able to use in a blackmail-style fashion to ensure proper behavior when your kids become teenagers. As a parent, it’s a win-win situation.

The final step is removal from the tub. This can be easy, but usually involves some manner of negotiation on how much more time they can have in the tub. My kids have become master negotiators to get more time in the bath to the point that I think that hostage negotiators should be trained by having to negotiate my kids out of the tub. Getting them wrapped in their towels and out of the bathroom isn’t too difficult, but getting them dressed can be yet another challenge. My son is little enough and still in diapers so that, once you get a good handle on him, putting him onto the changing table and wrestling him into a diaper and pajamas can be done with nothing more than a little bit of elbow grease. You do need to be careful, because if he gets free and starts running around on his own, he can become wild and unpredictable. Last week, for instance, he wriggled free and before I knew it he had run through the living room, squatted in the kitchen, and peed all over the kitchen floor. He did so with an evil smile on his face that was simultaneously cute and wicked.

When finished with her bath, my daughter prefers to dress herself, and usually we let her do so, although she would rather just walk around the house nude for as long as humanly possible before succumbing to her jammies. Eventually, she does get her clothes on, but there is something about four year olds that greatly enjoys the naked experience.

Once the jammies are on, the bath can be considered a success and all you need to do is drain the tub, clean up the bathroom, change your clothes, put the assorted wet clothing items and bathroom rugs in the wash, and get the kiddos down for bed…which is a whole different cute battle. People without kids probably wonder why it takes parents so long to do anything, but trust me, kids are time consuming. Being a parent is it’s own reward…and that reward is the ability to sleep well due to exhaustion! Man, I love my kids!

Broncos Gameday Recap: Game #13 - at Colts

Citizen Watches have the wrong Manning brother endorsing their Echo Drive watch. Eli is not unstoppable, but brother Peyton pretty much is.

Sometimes, you just have to acknowledge that your team is not the better team. I actually take some comfort in that loss. As despite making oodles and oodles of mistakes, the Broncos had a legit shot to win that game in the 4th quarter. The Colts are amazing. They have won 22 straight regular season NFL games, and they've now clinched the number 1 seed in the AFC even though there are still three more games to play. Their quarterback is one of the best if not THE best of all time, and they appear to be on a collision course with the Saints to play in the Super Bowl. (If Super Bowl XLIV is Colts-Saints and they're both undefeated, the sports media may break all known hyperbole records. We're seriously talking about setting records that may never approached ever again.)

The Colts looked invincible for the first 20 minutes of the game running out to a 21-0 lead and burying the Broncos. Indianapolis then looked very beatable for most of the rest of the game as the Broncos rallied to bring it to 21-16, but then Peyton Manning had a predictable seven-minute game icing drive in the 4th quarter, and it was over. If you just look at the stats, Peyton actually had a bad game. He completed only 20 of 42 passes for 220 yards and he had three interceptions. However, stats lie all the time. Yes, from midway through the second quarter, to that last drive in the 4th quarter, Manning looked extremely mortal. He threw all three interceptions during that stretch, and was pretty inaccurate and frustrated during that time. However, he had earned a little slack because he had built up a 21 point lead, and then when the Colts needed him, Peyton won the game for them.

As long as the Colts have Peyton Manning they have a shot.

Peyton is such a stud, the facts are that despite having a pedestrian 65.6 passer rating he was the man. He threw four touchdown passes, iced the game in the clutch, pooped in the refrigerator, and ate a whole wheel of cheese. I'm not even mad at him, that was amazing.

Positives from the game:

What a game for Brandon Marshall, 21 catches! Holy Geez!

Brandon Marshall: Yeah, if you set a new NFL record for most catches in a game, you get 200 receiving yards, and two touchdowns, I'd say that's a positive day. Unfortunately, the rest of the team was not nearly as on fire as Marshall, or the Broncos would have won by 50. I watched the game at my brother's house, and as I was driving back home I heard some idiot talking about how Marshall still isn't doing enough for this team. What, he needs to start walking on water and healing blind men? How much more can one wide receiver do? Brandon earned his paycheck today, well done, sir!

The Broncos Defense: Yes, they quickly gave up three touchdowns to fall behind by 21 points, which is clearly bad, but from that point on the Broncos D was stout. Peyton Manning was buried by the defense into a pile of 3 and outs and deflections bouncing for interceptions. The offense was unable to get much going, and the defense kept bailing them out, but the fact is that the D held the Colts to a sub-par offensive day. (How good is Manning, when a 4 touchdown pass day and winning by 12 points is considered substantially below expectations?)

Dawkins is an animal!

Brian Dawkins: 10 tackles and 2 interceptions off of crazy deflections. The funniest moment of the day was the second Dawkins interception that came when a Peyton Manning pass bounced off of Champ Bailey's face. It was funny and a good play for the Broncos, so it was a great combo for me! Good day for the man who they call Wolverine.

There is just something likable about Kyle Orton, resplendent in all his mediocrity. I dig him.

Kyle Orton: Kyle had a solid day, he was stepping up in the pocket, not panicking, finding recievers...well, finding Brandon Marshall, and apart from one bad toss that was intercepted, generally did a good job playing the type of ball that the Broncos need from him. He isn't a great quarterback, but he was good today, and when Orton is good, the Broncos have a chance.

Negatives from the Game:

The 1st Quarter: Nothing went well for the Broncos in the first 15 minutes. Manning put on a clinic on how to pick apart a defense. The Broncos were down 14-0 when the Broncos took their fourth snap. It looked like the Colts were on their way to winning by 70 based on the first quarter decimation.

The Colts offense was too much for the Broncos.

The Run Defense: Joe Addai and Mike Hart weren't spectacular, but they kept getting important yards, and the Broncos just couldn't get the run game stopped all game. It became critical later on in the game, as the clock just kept running and the Colts had a good offensive balance which helped Manning.

Not Knowshon's greatest performance today.

Knowshon Moreno: Averaging 2.7 yards per carry is not getting it done, not even close. Knowshon had to carry a bigger load that usual, as Correll Buckhalter sprained his ankle in the first quarter. Knowhon showed that he is not ready to carry the load by himself. He didn't fumble, but he looked over-matched today and not one time did he look special.

Short yardage situations: The Broncos went for it on 4th down on three different occasions, and failed each time. Toss in a handful of failed 3rd and short situations where a first down keeps hope alive, and the fact becomes obvious that the Broncos cannot pick up one yard when they really need to. It didn't help that Josh McDaniels kept hammering Knowshon up the middle even though there was nothing happening on those plays. The Broncos need to figure out a way to convert these plays if they want to 1. Make the playoffs and 2. Do something once they get there.

Even if he's often a bonehead, Brandon Marshall is easily the most exciting player on the Broncos. I can't help but cheer for the guy. He's like Doritos, I like him even though I know he's not good for me.

Final Thought:

The Colts are going to finish undefeated unless they stop themselves by not trying over the final three games. The Broncos are a good team that may play a playoff game, but this game showed that they have a way to go if they want to be elite. I wasn't expecting to get a win in Indy, so the fact that they loss is far from surprising and I'm not overly disappointed. The two games they must get are the final two home games against Kansas City and Oakland. As long as they get those two...they should make the playoffs. The game in Philly would just be icing at this point. Beating the Colts is going to require a perfect game, and the Broncos were far from perfect today, but they can take hope that the Colts are beatable. They say that there is no such thing as a moral victory in the NFL, but they are wrong. This was a moral victory for the Broncos.

Jingle Bells Forever....and ever...and ever...

So this is a cute little decoration/toy from Hallmark that we got a few years ago that is fun to bring out for the holidays...



...or at least that's what I thought until my kids have gotten a hold of it and decided that the best thing to do is play it over and over again. Kids don't get tired of things like adults do; for them it's fun to hear the tinny song four hundred and seventy times in a row. It's making me insane, but what are you going to do when you see this face looking at you and longing to play with the toy???

Vertically Striped Radio - Episode 29: The Ed's Press Conference and the Winter Doldrums.

This episode was dominated by the Ed who has announced that he is quitting the Dameshek.com message board because of people talking bad about him. He also talked about finding the mysterious Ted Willer.

While this was far from the best effort out of Vertically Striped Radio it's maybe worth listening to this one for the Ed, and for the fantastic rap song from sports figures freaking out at various press events. I also played a phone call that I made to the Nestle Crunch hotline, which you can call and enjoy if you like by dialing 1-800-295-0051. Thanks to The Ed, The Whale, and Face Ventura for helping me through this Winter Doldrums edition of Vertically Striped Radio.

The Vertically Striped Music Recommendation was "Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix" by Phoenix.

Let me close by saying, "Don't quit, The Ed."

NFL Weekend Preview: Week 14

The Eagles and Giants will face off in a huge NFC East battle.

Pittsburgh at Cleveland – This is the very definition of a must win game for the Steelers. After dropping four games in a row, two of which were against relative doormats in Oakland and Kansas City, the Steelers are in complete desperation mode. Fortunately for Pittsburgh, they get to play one of the most inept franchises in the league on Thursday night. I expect the Steelers to end their slide, because every team in the league should beat the Browns. The Steelers have a rough finish to the season with the Packers, Ravens and Dolphins, so this is their last gimmie on the schedule, and they MUST win it. I think the Steelers are done for this season, but they still have enough to take care of a steaming pile that is Cleveland. Steelers 27 Browns 10

New Orleans at Atlanta – The Saints say that they are going to keep their foot on the gas and try to pull off 16-0. I applaud that, and think it’s the right move, but I believe they should focus more on 19-0. A perfect regular season has been done, it’s more important to get those last three games. The Saints survived a game last week that by every right they should have lost, so perhaps regular season perfection is within their grasp. The Falcons have fallen off, and I don’t think they’ll be able to get it done regardless if it’s Matt Ryan or Chris Redman playing quarterback on Sunday. The Saints still have a few games I worry about them losing…with the Cowboys and the Panthers…but I think New Orleans has more than enough to take care of the slumping Falcons. Saints 38 Falcons 27

Green Bay at Chicago – The Pack is peaking, and the Bears are more dreadful than most people are ready to acknowledge. However, this is one of those rivalry games where sometimes the lesser team is able to rise up just due to that little extra edge that comes from familiarity and dislike. I don’t see that being an issue in this game, though, because I think the Bears are finished, and the Packers really need to keep winning to secure a postseason bid. I imagine the season can’t finish soon enough for Jay Cutler. Packers 23 Bears 13

New York Jets at Tampa Bay – The Buccaneers had a winning record last season. The house was cleaned during the offseason, or perhaps the more apt analogy is that it was burned to the ground. Hard to believe that this team was competitive one year ago, as the talent level is very low now and new Head Coach Raheem Morris hasn’t had them showing many signs of improvement. The Jets have an outside shot at a playoff spot after winning their past two games to pull even at 6-6. I don’t think they’ll be able to win enough over the final month to make the playoffs, but they should be able to take care of the Bucs. Jets 20 Buccaneers 10

Miami at Jacksonville – This game is pretty close to an elimination game for playoff contention. The Jaguars start their three game losing skid this weekend, as they are not a worthy playoff contender which will be shown over the final month. I don’t think the Dolphins get there either, but they’re better than the Jags. Dolphins 19 Jaguars 16

Detroit at Baltimore – As long as I’m predicting the final month for the Jags, I may as well do it for the Ravens too. Baltimore is about to start a four game win streak by taking care of the Lions. Ravens 33 Lions 24

Seattle at Houston – This game is mostly meaningless unless you’re a diehard Seahawks fan, or you’re a member of the Kubiak family. It sure feels like Gary Kubiak needs a solid finish to avoid losing his head coaching job. Not much of a reason to watch this one, other than if you’ve got fantasy players involved. Texans 28 Seahawks 17

Denver at Indianapolis – For the second straight week the Broncos travel to a town that has not treated them very well over the years. Last week, they were able to overcome the ghosts of Arrowhead and put a hurting on the Chiefs, this week they travel to Indy to play a Colts team that hasn’t lost a regular season game since before the McCain-Obama presidential election. 21 straight regular season games, and after Sunday it’ll be 22. I’d love to see the Broncos make a statement that they are for real and they need to be taken seriously as a contender. They could make that statement with a win, but it’s a very tall task for a team that has generally been road-kill in Indy over the past decade. Colts 34 Broncos 17

Buffalo at Kansas City – Watching the Chiefs get waxed by the Broncos on Sunday made me think that the only team they could maybe lose to this KC squad would be the Browns. The Bills are pretty dreadful, but they are better than the Chiefs, and I expect that to play out of the field in Kansas City on Sunday. Bills 17 Chiefs 10

Rocky singlehandedly ended the cold war, all the Bengals are trying to do is beat the Vikings!

Cincinnati at Minnesota – After seeing Brett Favre finally look mortal for the first time this season on Sunday Night in Arizona, the thing that instantly popped to mind was the scene from Rocky IV when Duke yells of Drago, “You see? You see? He's not a machine, he's a man, he's a man.” The Cardinals cut the Minnesota Dragos, I’m not sure how much “Rocky” the Bengals have in them, but I guess what I'm trying to say, is that if the Bengals can change, and Cincinnati can change, everybody can change! Bengals 24 Vikings 20



Carolina at New England – The Patriots may be vulnerable on the road, but they’ve been dynamite in Foxborough. After absorbing two painful losses in Miami and New Orleans, I feel like the Patriots are out to prove that the rumors of their demise have been slightly exaggerated. I don’t think they score enough to cover a two touchdown spread, but I think they’ll be able to handle the Panthers in this Super Bowl 38 rematch. Patriots 23 Panthers 13

Washington at Oakland – This game is another Super Bowl rematch, this one from Super Bowl 18. The stakes are much lower this time, as both of these clubs are no where near their former glory. Although the Raiders would like to put together two straight wins after their biggest win in years taking down the Super Bowl champs in Pittsburgh last week. The Redskins almost pulled off a doozy of an upset themselves by somehow not defeating the Saints last week despite giving every indication that they could and would. I have absolutely no feel for how either of these two teams are going to perform a week after their most significant games of the season, although for some reason, I feel like it’s going to be a good game. The quarterback matchup of Bruce Gradkowski and Jason Campbell is far from an exciting, but both signalcallers have been playing very well of late. This one feels to me like an overtime game, and I’ll give a slight nod to the home team. Raiders 20 Redskins 17 (in OT)

Saint Louis at Tennessee – Our third straight former Super Bowl matchup is on tap in Tennessee. This was one heck of an exciting Super Bowl back in January of 2000, but Titans vs. Rams doesn’t hold quite the same intrigue in 2009. Although both teams started this year playing dreadfully, Tennessee has pulled out of the tailspin, and the Rams have basically crashed into the ground. The Titans were in too deep a hole to make a playoff run, but they are playing some very good football right now and should handle the Rams easily. Titans 31 Rams 14

San Diego at Dallas – This to me is the most interesting matchup of the weekend. The Cowboys had been playing well up until the point where they fell to the Giants last week. The Chargers have been playing well over the past two months, and are trying to hold off a late charge from the Broncos. The Chargers are one of the best teams in the league, and I feel like the Cowboys are on the verge of yet another late season collapse. Now comes word that Tony Romo is going to be taking over place-holding duties. Is that really a good idea? Putting your starting quarterback back into a position where he had his most public and massive failure at the dawn of a month when traditionally he has struggled mightily seems like bad Karma…you know, if I believed in Karma, that is. Chargers 30 Cowboys 17

Philadelphia at New York Giants – Another big important game, I think the winner of this game will win the NFC East. Philly seems to be raising their game just as the playoffs are coming near. I like them to take care of business and take hold of the NFC East with a win in the Meadowlands. Eagles 27 Giants 24

Arizona at San Francisco – It’s the matchup so boring that the NFL outsourced it to Mexico a few years ago. The Cardinals look to be a legit team, and the 49ers do not. What a dreadful Monday Night game this is. I think Arizona takes this one easily. Cardinals 30 49ers 20


My Picks Scorecard:

Last Week: 8-8
Season to Date: 122-70


Playoff Preview: Here are my projections for the NFL playoff seedings.

AFC:

1. Colts
2. Chargers
3. Bengals
4. Patriots
5. Ravens
6. Broncos

NFC:

1. Saints
2. Vikings
3. Cardinals
4. Eagles
5. Packers
6. Giants

Powerlines: Week 13 NFL Power Rankings

Sometimes life calls for earmuffs.

Another great weekend of NFL football is in the books, between the Raiders shocking the Steelers, the Saints almost tripping up in Washington, the Patriots falling yet again on the road in Miami, and the Giants and Cowboys putting on a great show, it was the kind of weekend that reminds you why you're a football fan. We're entering the point of the season where the rankings are somewhat easy to compile thanks to mountains of evidence from the season. Even ESPN almost gets it right at this point in the year! Here are this weeks rankings...Enjoy!


1. Colts – Indianapolis ascends to the top of the heap with an impressive win over a surging Titans team. They have now won 21 straight regular season games, and number 22 seems likely with the Broncos coming to Indy. Peyton Manning has had himself a full career against Denver alone. I’m hoping my boys can put together their most impressive win of the season this coming Sunday, but the odds are squarely against them. It would be quite a feather in their cap if the Broncos can take down this high flying team, but I’m not expecting it. If there is any hope for Denver, it’s that the Colts may be starting to get complacent as they have pretty much already wrapped up the number 1 seed in the AFC playoffs. In fact, if they do win on Sunday, the Colts have the top seed wrapped up in the AFC officially.

2. Saints – It is impossible to overstate how lucky the Saints were on Sunday. They overcame a late 10 point deficit on the road, they were the beneficiary of a Redskin 23 yard field goal miss which would have iced it for Washington. They made their own luck by calling timeout at an opportune time in order to give the replay booth sufficient time to decide to review and overturn a play on which a fumble occurred but wasn’t caught. Oh, and they scored in the final minutes of the first half on a drive where their two best offensive plays were a punt and an interception. All of those bounces went their way, and they STILL almost lost to a 3-8 Redskins team. They’re an NFL force, to be sure, but I can’t keep them at number one when they struggled so mightily on Sunday against such a mediocre team.

3. Chargers – While their seven game win streak is not as impressive as the Colts and Saints twelve game streaks, the Chargers are soaring at the moment. Their final four games are far from easy, but they seem likely to get the number 2 seed in the AFC barring an unexpected stumble or two. The Chargers finish by going to Dallas, playing the Bengals at home, going to Tennessee, and finishing at home with the Redskins. All four could be tough games, but they should be favored in all of them.

4. Vikings – Minnesota fans experience their first ever moments of trepidation with Brett Favre on Sunday night against the Cardinals as for the first time in purple, he looked more like a 40 year old man, and less like the second coming of Johnny Unitas. Is this the beginning of the late season Favre swoon predicted in prophecy, or was it just a blip on the way to the Lombardi trophy? The final month of the season in Minnesota promises to be interesting either way.


5. Bengals – Forget all you know about teams with tiger stripes on their helmets. This team can play defense. The NFL average points allowed at this point in the season is 258, the Bengals have allowed a league low 187. The offense is a little sketchy in that it’s only scored 24 or more points twice all season, but no one is scoring on this team. At 9-3 they are in position to compete with the Chargers for a bye in the playoffs. I think people would take this team more seriously if we didn’t have so many memories of horrible Bengals teams from the past. These guys are becoming masters of winning low scoring close games, they have a two game lead with tie-break advantages over both the Ravens and Steelers and they could be a force to be reckoned with in the playoffs. It still feels like they’re due to lose in the first round of the playoffs, but that is because it’s just hard to take them seriously as a contender due to their history. However, they are legitimately a contender.

6. Cardinals – With a three game lead over the competition, the Cards have the NFC West pretty much wrapped up. They’ll be hosting a playoff game, most likely in the opening weekend of the playoffs, but we’ve expected that from them. Can they match the crazy run of a year ago that landed them in the Super Bowl? It seems doubtful, but so much depends on the health of Kurt Warner. With Kurt, the Cards ceiling is the Sistine Chapel, with Matt Leinart their ceiling is a popcorn-ceiling at Waffle House. So much depends upon a fragile quarterback without much history of staying healthy.

7. Eagles – Andy Reid is a difficult NFL coach to understand. His teams routinely are devastating one week, and boneheaded the next. Although the Eagles consistently make the playoffs and find success, it’s hard to find a coach standing on a sideline that inspires less confidence. His offenses often seem well thought out and executed, although when he’s looking at the play sheet, he mostly just looks confused. And I’m pretty sure the NFL Coaches association would vote him “Coach most likely to be confused for a walrus” if they voted on such things. His Eagles chances are similarly difficult to figure. At 8-4, I should feel a lot better about the Eagles making the playoffs, but when I look at a schedule that includes At Giants, 49ers, Broncos, and at Cowboys, I can easily see them falling short. We’ll know a lot more about this years version of the Eagles after this coming weekend and their huge clash in New York. Win that, and I think they’re in.

8. Packers – Five weeks ago they looked abysmal in Tampa falling to 4-4 and I was ready to give up on the Pack. Now they have run off four straight victories including impressive wins over the Cowboys and Ravens. Now they look like a solid pick to snag a wild card, and if there is a football god, they will earn a rematch with the Vikings and knock Brett Favre out of the playoffs. Seeing as how I picked them to win it all, I’m definitely rooting for the Packers. I don’t think they have enough to make the Super Bowl, but if they could somehow knock Favre and the Vikes out, that’d be almost as good as a Super Bowl win to many of the Green Bay faithful.

9. Broncos – The good version of the Broncos showed up for the second straight week as Denver rolled to an easy victory over the Chiefs. Now, armed with a reborn sense of confidence that comes from steamrolling two straight opponents, the Broncos have an opportunity to make a gigantic statement to the NFL this weekend against the Colts. I don’t think they’ve got the talent put a halt to the Colts massive regular season streak, but I will be watching this battle of horses and anxiously hoping to be wrong.

10. Giants – Putting the hurt on the Cowboys and potentially starting their annual late season collapse had to feel good to a New York team that had been painfully short on wins over the last month and a half. Now the question remains, can they parlay that momentum into a playoff spot, or possibly even a division title?

11. Cowboys – Their December failure is starting to feel like a sports curse. Much like the Red Sox for years tightened up and fell apart in the playoffs, the Cowboys and their fans are starting to look like they expect things to go wrong in the twelfth month of the year. It’s becoming a self-fulfilling prophesy. The NFL schedule maker did them no favors, either, as they have quite a tough final month with the Chargers, at the Saints, at the Redskins, and home against the Eagles. I foresee yet another December collapse followed by hand wringing in Dallas and Jerry Jones having security escort Wade Phillips from the building at the end of the year. All of these reasons make this weekend’s game with the Chargers hugely important to them, they need to get it. (It wouldn’t hurt my Broncos if they won, either.)

12. Patriots – Thus far the Patriots have only won in places that have England in the name: Six home games in New England and one game in Jolly Old England. Not a good sign for a team that will almost certainly have to travel and win on the road in order to make the Super Bowl, which was what their fans were expecting at the beginning of the season.

13. Dolphins – It’s a tough road, but not impossible for the Dolphins to make the playoffs. Their schedule is full of teams that should be better, but have underachieved, which is completely opposite of the overachieving Dolphins who have no business being at .500 with their talent. The final month sees the Phins playing the Titans, Jaguars, Texans, and Steelers. I could easily see them going 3-1 or even 4-4 in this stretch…or they could get swept. I have no feel for what to expect from the Dolphins game to game.

14. Jaguars – I refuse to believe that this team will qualify for the playoffs…even as they keep winning. I look at their schedule and see a three game losing skid approaching, with games against the Dolphins, Colts, and Patriots. They should win their finale against the Browns, but 8-8 won’t be enough for them to make the playoffs.

15. Ravens – Joe Flacco has regressed from where he was at last year, or even earlier in the season. The defense has been unable to make up for it, and they have had several hard luck losses. At 6-6 things look bleak for Baltimore, but if you’re a Ravens fan, I have hope for you…The remaining schedule: Lions, Bears, at Steelers, at Raiders. Don’t give up Baltimore faithful, everything is not yet lost.

16. Steelers – A show of hands of everyone who figured that with Pittsburgh playing the AFC West that they would lose to the Chiefs and Raider, but thump the Broncos and Chargers…put your hands down, liars. Since trouncing Denver in the Mile High City, this team has completely fallen apart. Losing to the Raiders at Heinz Field either signals the end of the line or the ashes from which the phoenix of their rises. I’m guessing it’s the end of the line for the champs. I’m guessing the Steelers miss the playoffs entirely.

17. Titans – No one wants to play the Titans right now, but trying to climb out of an 0-6 hole may prove to be too much for this plucky group who appear to have righted the ship too late in the season to be able to sail to the playoffs. Still, I’m sure the Chargers and Dolphins are none too excited about the prospect of having to face this team in the critical final month when they have absolutely nothing to lose.

18. Jets – At 6-6 in the AFC, you need to be special to make it all the way. The Jets have not been special this year other than the one time they beat the Patriots. With a rookie quarterback ending the season with the Colts and Bengals, I’m guessing they remain non-special. Looks like all that sliding practice that Mark Sanchez got in with Joe Girardi didn’t do a lick of good as he showed on Thursday night that he still has a desire to dive head first…even if he’s going to get himself killed in the process. FEET FIRST, Mark.

19. Falcons – Who knew Chris Redman was still alive? With Matt Ryan battling turf toe, Redman subbed in for him and threw for only 235 yards and a couple of interceptions. The Falcons need to get Ryan and stud running back Michael Turner back right away to have any postseason shot, but they’re reeling so badly I think they’re done. They were run out of the Georgia Dome to the point that the fans started cheering for Michael Vick, only problem is that Vick was playing for the Eagles. Yikes.

20. Panthers – For those who think that a quarterback doesn’t matter much in the league anymore, I present the Carolina Panthers. Jake Delhomme had been terrible up until the point that he broke his finger, and despite having a solid team around him, the Cats have become irrelevant in the NFL. How lousy was the quarterbacking matchup on Sunday in the Panthers-Buccaneers game? Matt Moore of the Panthers made his first NFL start, threw for 161 yards on 14-20 passing with no touchdowns and an interception and he was far and away the better quarterback in the game. Josh Freeman of the Bucs threw for 321 yards, but also had a dreadful 5 interceptions on the day. File that game under “One I’m glad I didn’t see.”

#8 Was the beloved backup to #7.

21. Texans – As a career backup quarterback to John Elway, on the few chances that Gary Kubiak had to play in games, he won a lot of fans here in Denver. Due to those days of old, I cheer for him to do well as the head coach of the Texans. However, with the talent that team possesses, he’s going to need to start winning games and soon if he wants to remain the head coach. Rumors say that Texans ownership is still happy to have Gary running things, but how much longer can they stick with him if his teams continue to under produce? There is enough talent on that team to make the NFL playoffs, but yet again, they likely will fall short barring a miraculous finish.

22. Redskins – I bumped the Skins up several spots this week despite a loss. Few times in NFL history has a poor team like the Redskins played a juggernaut opponent as well as Washington played the Saints on Sunday. If kicker Shaun Suisham (who has since been cut by Washington) can make a chip shot 23 yarder, Washington becomes the first team this season to defeat New Orleans. Bad teams find a way to lose games they should win, which is just as much what happened as the Saints finding a way to win the game, but even in defeat, the Redskins have nothing to hang their head over regarding their effort. Washington may be a bad team, but they have the ability to take down good teams on the right day.

23. Seahawks – Congrats to Seattle for finally winning an interesting game on Sunday. Fans in the Northwest haven’t seen a lot of tense exciting football, so it must have been nice to have a play come down to the last play and have their team win it. The win was basically meaningless other than ending any shred of hope the Niners had to make the playoffs, but it was a nice step for a team that is in the midst of its second disappointing season in a row.

24. Bears – I’m sure it felt nice for the Bears faithful to finally get a win after losing for a month, but beating the Rams at Soldier Field proves nothing other than that the Rams are a very bad football team.

25. 49ers – A season that started with such promise for Mike Singletary and his 49ers has crashed and burned. Singletary hasn’t even been interesting lately. A very disappointing season by the Bay.

26. Raiders – Huge win for the Raiders, no one was expecting Oakland to put up much of a fight against the desperate Steelers in Pittsburgh, but Bruce Gradkowski wanted to show the town where he grew up a thing or two. The Pittsburgh native led the Raider offense on three fourth quarter touchdown drives to take care of the reeling Steelers. With the leadership he has shown, Gradkowski deserves a shot next year at the starting job in Oakland as he has shown infinitely more poise and drive behind center than JaMarcus Russell. Russell was highly drafted but is now generally regarded by NFL types as a massive bust. (Both literally and figuratively…that dude is huge)

27. Bills – You can take the Bills out of Buffalo, but you can’t take the ineptitude out of the Bills. If the Bills plan on moving to Toronto in the future, they may want to rethink that plan unless they can somehow take their passionate fans with them. To say the Bills don’t move the needle much in Toronto is a massive understatement, it was almost like the people in Canada didn’t understand the rules of football, and they definitely don’t care about the Bills. The Rogers Centre was like a morgue, you could hear a Ryan Fitzpatrick pass drop in that place.

28. Chiefs – Just a hunch, but I don’t think Todd Hailey is going to last very long as the Head Coach of the Chiefs. Both he and his team looked miserable on Sunday against the Chiefs, and that team stinks. If you’re supposed to get better as a season progresses, no one has told Kansas City who looks just as dreadful today as they did to start the season. It’s a testament to how many horrible teams there are that I think there are four teams worse than KC.

29. Lions – Three quarters of the way through the season, the Lions have already made a tremendous 2 win improvement on their previous campaign’s total with a chance to get as many as four more on top of that! See, it’s all in how you look at things! For what it’s worth, I started trying to name NFL head coaches off the top of my head, and I was able to name every single one save for the Head Coach of Detroit. I didn’t have the foggiest clue who he was or what he looked like. As a public service…his name is Jim Schwartz and he looks like this…

He is strong in the Schwartz.

Although a quick Google search shows that Schwartz apparently flaunts NFL convention by hardly ever wearing a ball cap. I could not find a single photo of him wearing a Lions hat. Here I thought that wearing a ball-cap was a league requirement so that they can sell more merchandise, and really, who WOULDN’T want to look like an NFL Head Coach?

30. Rams – My heart bleeds for Steven Jackson, the only real football player in Saint Louis. He is second in the league in rushing yards despite the fact that his team likely won’t win two games all year. Can’t we stage some sort of NFL intervention and get this guy onto a real NFL team? It’s in the best interest of everyone.

Is this not a perfect color for an NFL uniform?

31. Buccaneers – It’s hard to be optimistic if you’re a fan of the Buccaneers when the quarterback they are pinning their hopes for the future upon throws five interceptions in one game against the Panthers. Can the Bucs please go back to the creamsicle jerseys? They are undefeated in those uniforms this year and winless in their regular duds. Seems like a no brainer!

32. Browns – I’m so sorry Cleveland. At least you DEFINITELY have LeBron for the next few months and possibly longer. I’m guessing few in Ohio are referring to their head coach as “The Man Genius.” Even trying to think of something to write about the Browns is depressing, I can’t imagine being one of their fans right now.

Weekend Leftovers: Notes from the Sports Weekend

Brett Favre...asking where the cool restaurants are in St. Paul.

Now THAT’S the Brett Favre I know! I’ve been waiting for the old man turnover machine to make an appearance in a purple uniform, only to see an efficient and deadly quarterback show up week after week for Minnesota, but finally in the Arizona desert, the other Brett Favre made his first Viking appearance. As someone who has gone on record hoping that Minnesota doesn’t win it all so that I don’t have to put up with fawning praise of #4, it was a welcome sight. Hopefully more of the bad Brett Favre lies ahead! It was good to see him struggle in a 30-17 loss to the Cards.

Somehow Drew Brees and the Saints escaped DC with a win.

Weirdest two minute drive in history: The Saints may have wrestled away the title of luckiest team in the league away from their undefeated brethren from Indianapolis on Sunday. New Orleans had the luckiest final two minutes to end a half that I have ever seen. Trailing 17-10 and unable to convert a 3rd and 1 from their own 30, they punted. Saints punter Thomas Morstead shanked the kick, but somehow the shanked punt was a blessing for New Orleans as it hopped perfectly off of Redskins Rookie Kevin Barnes’ back and right to the Saints’ Usama Young for what ended up being a 29 yard gain. Then later on in the drive Drew Brees, falling backwards while trying to convert a 3rd and 26 with a wild heave, tossed a wild interception into the arms of Kareem Moore. Moore returned it 14 yards before losing it himself on a beautiful strip and recovery by Robert Meachem of the Saints who rumbled 44 yards with the pigskin for the tying touchdown in front of the stunned Washington faithful. It was the luckiest drive I can ever remember seeing, and perhaps the only drive in NFL history in which the two best offensive plays were a punt and an interception. Can you say lucky? Then, they avoid a certain loss when the Skins miss a 23 yard field goal late in the 4th...23 Yards? Yup. I told you the Saints were lucky.

Traditionally, December has not been kind to Tony Romo.

Don’t blame this December loss on Tony Romo. The Cowboys quarterback who has battled being called a December jinx for his entire career played an amazing game, throwing 55 passes for nearly 400 yards, 3 touchdowns and no interceptions. The Cowboys lost this one because they were unable to stop the big play. Brandon Jacobs flew for 74 yards off of a short dump pass for a touchdown and Domenik Hixon scampered 78 for a punt return touchdown. If you don’t find a way to tackle opponents who are running towards your goal…that’s a bad sign for your team. Romo was magnificent, but the defense let them down.

What is going on in Pittsburgh? The Steelers continued their embarrassing late season collapse in unbelievable fashion by failing to beat the lowly Raiders despite having the home field advantage and despite generally being considered to be three times the team that the Raiders are. Bruce Gradkowski channeled his inner Joe Montana throwing for 308 yards and three fourth quarter touchdowns to rally the Raiders for the improbable victory. The strangest thing about this game may be the fact that I was boisterously cheering for the Raiders, and this a day after maniacally rooting for Nebraska to upset Texas. What a weird weekend.

Make up your minds, Atlanta! Mike Vick made his return trip to Atlanta to play the Falcons in a role that can best be described as part-time quarterback. Vociferously booed and jeered at the beginning of the game, the Atlanta fans changed their tune and started chanting, “We want Vick!” towards the end of the game when the Eagles victory was well secured. So which is it, Georgia? Do you love your former dog-fighting quarterback or do you despise him? It was hard to tell by watching your reactions to him on Sunday.

The Brett Kern Mojo is officially over. The Titans win streak came to an end at five at the hands of a team riding it’s own 21 game regular season win streak. Brett Kern karma is apparently no match for Colts karma, as Indy breezed to a ten point win. For the Broncos sake, I’m pleased the Kern curse has ended.

Ah Darn, the Pats lost again! Okay, you caught me, I’m not really upset that the Patriots can’t win a game anywhere that doesn’t have “England” somewhere in the name. Their latest road ineptitude? Letting the Dolphins catch them from behind in Miami. Dreamboat Brady suddenly can’t win on the road, perhaps all this travel is interrupting his beauty sleep? Whatever it is, I pray it continues, as the AFC East is up for grabs again.

A big crowd for the Jaguars.

If they held a playoff game in Jacksonville, and nobody watched, would it count in the record books? If you read this blog, you know I think that the Jaguars are a fraud, but if they were somehow able to get a home playoff game, would anyone come? Their latest victory this Sunday against a solid Houston Texans team was played in front of a paltry 42,079. This is a potential playoff team in the NFL, and NO ONE cares. Go ahead and move the Jaguars to Los Angeles, Mr. Goodell, North Florida barely cares if they’re there or not. At least they have their Gators…wait, what? Oh, sorry about that!

Hey Texas, how tough is the course load at the Andy Reid school of time management? Surely you graduated! If Texas is really the second best college football team in the nation, then the nation has a LOT of crappy football teams. The Longhorns only showed up to play on the defensive side of the ball for the majority of the game and Nebraska’s Ndumakong Suh took up residence in the Horns backfield. (A buddy of mine and I decided that Suh needs to be nicknamed Donkey Kong post haste.) After falling behind 12-10 in the final two minutes, Texas was lucky to get a kickoff out of bounds and a horse collar tackle penalty, or they may have run out of time to qualify for the National Championship Game. As it was, they still almost ran out of time as Colt McCoy took his sweet time on the next to the last play of the game; McCoy threw the ball out of bounds nonchalantly and almost ran out the clock which would have ended the game without allowing their kicker to boot the winning field goal. It was a stunning display of clock mismanagement.

Broncos Gameday Recap: Game #12 - at Chiefs

The Broncos pretty much ran away with this game, just like this!

I'd tell you that I totally saw this Broncos domination in Kansas City coming, but I picked the Chiefs to win, so I'd be lying. What I forgot to factor in is just how much the Chiefs suck, I mean they are dreadful. I've seen guys suck before, but that is the suckiest group of sucks that ever sucked!

Matt Cassel has hardly been the franchise savior that he looked like in New England.

I haven't watched the Chiefs much, but from looking at stats week after week, I knew Matt Cassel wasn't having the greatest season. However, until you watch him for a full game, you have no idea just how dreadful the man is. The Chiefs can't be pleased that they are on the hook for a six year 63 million dollar deal to the horrible QB. Granted, contracts in the NFL aren't guaranteed, but 28 million of it is guaranteed. Oops. Cassel was horribly inaccurate, and when he wasn't off, the Chief receivers would drop the ball.

Brian Dawkins don't need no stinkin' helmet!

The final result? A downright boring game, that was only fun to watch if you're a Broncos fan. The Broncos completely outplayed a very untalented football team in a 44-13 romp that wasn't as close as the score indicated. No, seriously. I was worried about this game in the first quarter when the Chiefs went on a 20 play drive that lasted almost eight minutes. However, the Broncos held KC to a figgie, and after that, the rout was on.

Positives from the Game:

The Chiefs just couldn't deal with the Broncos runners.

The running game: Pretty much the entire game the Broncos were running at will. In fact...let's give three guys some individual credit here because they all deserve it.

Buckhalter was easily the player of the game in Kansas City.

Correll Buckhalter: Buck was on fire. He averaged 9.4 yards per carry, and if you're new to football, rest assured that's very good. His slashing style ripped through the Chiefs like a hot knife through soft serve ice cream. It was fun to watch as he continually kept moving the chains. Buckhalter finished with 113 yards on 12 carries, his best day of the year. Did I start him on either of my fantasy football teams, even though I own him on both teams and I'm thin at running back?? Of course not. I'm an idiot.

Knowshon got into the end zone twice against the Chiefs.

Knowshon Moreno: Knowshon ONLY averaged 4.1 yards per carry. What a slacker! Actually, he probably does need to work on his patience a bit, but overall he had a very solid day with 86 yards on 21 carries and a couple of touch-goals. (Very inside joke that maybe two people in the world will get.)

Hillis pounded the final nails in the KC coffin today.

Peyton Hillis: Okay, so he only got mop up duty, but he reminded Broncos fans why we love him so much. He was doing his bulldozer impression and driving defenders for yards and yards while they attempted to tackle him. I love watching him run, because he's a beast. He got 7 carries at the end and rumbled for 47 yards to wipe out the clock. Good stuff.

A large contingent of Broncos fans were on hand to cheer on their defense to a dominating performance.

The Defense: The Broncos defense absolutely stifled the Chiefs. They held them to 222 total yards and only 14 first downs. Granted, when you're playing a quarterback playing as dreadfully as Matt Cassel, it's not overly difficult to stop the opponent, but the Broncos made it happen in KC today.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Elvis was in the building at Arrowhead.

Elvis Dumerville: He got his league leading 15th sack, and is now only one sack shy of Simon Fletcher's Denver Bronco record for sacks in a season.

Brandon Marshall had yet another productive day in Missouri.

Brandon Marshall: The most exciting Denver Bronco had another great day. Seven catches for 94 yards and a touchdown. After starting the season as a non-factor, Brandon has once again become a focal point for the offense.

Andre' Goodman had his finest day as a Bronco in Kansas City.

Andre' Goodman: Dre' had a great game. He picked up a fumble and ran it back for six as well as making a nice interception of Cassel and getting 4 tackles.

Daniel Graham can do more than just block.

Daniel Graham: The big tight end not only helped with some great blocking opening up the extremely effective run game, he also snagged two catches for 20 yards and a touchdown. His score was one of the more remarkable jobs of misdirection I have ever seen as the Broncos sold the fake to the right so well that the tight end screen to the left allowed Dan to jog to the end zone.

Negatives from the Game:

Bobby Wade just missed a huge touchdown on this play.

First quarter defense: Not only did the defense allow the Chiefs to have a 20 yard eight minute drive in the first half, if Bobby Wade hadn't been overthrown slightly by Cassel, he would have had a seventy-six yard touchdown. Champ Bailey made a rare mistake in coverage and allowed Wade to fly down the middle of the field unguarded. Fortunately Wade couldn't reel in the slightly overpowered toss.

Mike Brown picked off Kyle Orton in the end zone on this opening drive play.

Kyle Orton: Kyle actually played a pretty solid game, and he didn't force too much to happen just taking what the defense gave him, but he did have a play early where he tried to force something in the red zone and it turned into an interception in the end zone, and he also was stripped for a lost fumble two times during the game. Despite that, the Broncos won easily and Kyle played okay. However, in a game where the Broncos dominate this heavily, I have to strain pretty hard to find a negative and Kyle gets it for today.

Final Thought:

The Broncos are rolling again after their four game slide in the middle of the season. Thumping the Chiefs amounts to taking care of business. The Chiefs are very bad. There isn't enough talent on that team to win without a lot of help, and the Broncos weren't going to give them nearly enough help today to keep it close.

The Broncos appear to have their grove back. The big test comes next week.

My optimism is rising, but it's still guarded. If the Broncos want to impress me and get me completely excited about their season again, ending the Colts 21 game regular season win streak would be a tremendous place to start. I don't think they get it done next week, and even if they don't the season has still been a lot of fun and holds potential for the playoffs, but a win in Indy would get me nuts about the Broncos chances again like I was after they won in San Diego to go 6-0. As it is, the Broncs are at 8-4, and continue to be a huge surprise in the NFL which is just fine by me. GO BRONCOS!