Broncos Gameday Recap: Game #2 - vs Browns

I'm sorry, but there is just no proper occasion for those pants, ugh! So Ugly! Must avert eyes!!!

I'm trying to figure out which looked worse on Sunday afternoon, the Cleveland Browns football performance or the ugly brown pants they were wearing as they played. It's a difficult decision to make, as both pants and football team looked terrible. (Seriously, Brown pants?? Did someone lose a bet?)

Shannon Sharpe entered the Ring of Fame in Style today!

On the day that the Broncos organization enshrined Shannon Sharpe into the Broncos Ring of Fame, the Broncos actually looked pretty sharp themselves for the occasion. Although, it's difficult to tell whether the Broncos played well, or they were just the benefactor of playing an abysmal Cleveland team that played okay in the first half and then totally fell apart in the second half. I mean honestly, how bad do you have to be to lose by 21 points to the Broncos?

Positives from the game:

1. The Defense was stout today, granted, I don't want to get too excited about it because it was the Cleveland Browns, but you gotta like it when your defense holds any opponent to only 54 yards rushing and only 161 yards passing, that is what they call, "A Good Thing." The Browns could get absolutely nothing going on the ground, and apart from a few decent pass plays, they really didn't do much through the air either. Don't look now, but the Broncos have given up fewer points than anyone else in the NFL except for the Colts, and the Colts have played half as many games! (That is what I call a surprising stat, even if it is only through 2 weeks of the year.) Is it too early to call the Broncos a defensive juggernaut? Yes, Yes it is. However, the early returns are at least promising. If this keeps up, I may have to change my mind about Josh McDaniels. Speaking of which...

Yes, I'm actually saying nice things about Josh.

2. Josh McDaniels had his team prepared. Apart from burning through first half time outs like they were nickels for a slot machine, the Broncos ran like a well oiled machine today. They looked and played well enough to describe them as well coached, which is definitely a plus.

Stop Booing Orton! He doesn't deserve it.

3. Kyle Orton. Yes, I went there. Kyle Orton played a decent game today. He's not going to make anyone forget John Elway, or probably even Jake Plummer, but he plays within himself, he makes pretty solid decisions, and he doesn't lose the game for you. I have one thing to say to the morons who were booing him in the first half after he made a good decision to throw away the ball on a third down in the red zone rather than try to force something and turnover the ball, and that one thing is, "SHUT UP!" Yes, it is rather a bummer that because Jay Cutler was a baby that now we no longer have a rocket armed quarterback who is dynamic and fun to watch, but that is not Kyle Orton's fault. Just because Cutler wasn't thick skinned enough to be able to handle being shopped around a little bit doesn't mean that Kyle Orton needs to be booed when he fails to make a spectacular play. All Orton has done to this point is come into a difficult situation, played the best and smartest he knows how, had a good attitude throughout it all, and oh yeah, won his first two games. Stop booing him for not being an all time talent, that is not his fault, and he is the best player the Broncos can put behind center right now.

Elvis was making a habit of throwing Brady Quinn Medicine Woman to the turf.

4. Elvis Dumerville. Number 92 played like a man possessed today. Four sacks and Seven tackles is a very solid day. I'd say the transition to outside linebacker is proceeding nicely.


Negatives from the game:

1. It was just the Cleveland Browns. If the Broncos are able to lay this kind of a licking on the New York Giants when they come to town on Thanksgiving, we'll have something of which to be proud. Right now, the Broncos are 2-0, but all they've done is beat down the best that Ohio has to offer, which isn't really that great and to get the first one, they required a fluke the likes of which the NFL hasn't seen since Leon Lett stupidly tried to recover a blocked field goal against the Dolphins on Thanksgiving way back when. Actually, that Bengals play was an even bigger fluke, it was a play so fluky I can't think of it's NFL equal. Without that gift from the football gods, the Broncos would only be 1-1, so safe to say it's not time to start printing playoff tickets in Denver just yet.

I understand there was wind, but I need better from my kicker than two misses from less than 40 yards.

2. Matt Prater. Seriously, you are not allowed to miss kicks from inside 40 yards, especially not two of them. Yikes, this guy seems like a good kid, but I have very little confidence in his ability to make the kicks that he should make easily. It's a weird phenomenon, as I have a ton of confidence in him from 56 yards away, and yet he make me nervous when he is kicking a 33 yarder. I've never known a kicker who seems so money on difficult kicks and so mediocre at seemingly easy kicks. I hope he can get more consistent from 25 to 40 yards out, as at some point missing two field goals in one game may actually hurt the Broncos, thankfully it was meaningless today.

3. Um, there isn't a whole lot more that I can complain about with this game. Other than maybe don't fumble the opening kickoff. Seriously, if the Broncos play this way every game, I'll be quite satisfied, I feel like I am picking nits at this point.

While he didn't catch a ridiculously lucky 87 yard strike off of a deflected pass this week, Brandon Stokley did have another solid game.

So, the Broncos are 2-0 and looking ahead to a date in Oakland where they will face a Raiders team that has been looking better than Raider expectations, but still not great. The Broncos have a great shot in Oakland, and then we will see how good they really are as they face a frightening stretch which includes the Cowboys, Patriots, Chargers, Ravens and Steelers. Ask me how good they are after that Monday Nighter in November versus Pittsburgh. Right now, I'd say they look solid, but they've only been tested by poorer teams. Oh well, I'll take 2-0 and being all alone atop the AFC West any way I can get it! Go Broncos!

Vertically Striped Radio - Episode 18: Fantasy Comedy Draft

Today was the monumental Fantasy Comedy Draft on Vertically Striped Radio, that's right, we had 7 guys on the phone all at the same time, and we were drafting funny people to make up fantasy teams of funny people to compete in a contest where votes determine the winner. You say, "What a waste of time." I say, "Visionary new way to select the president of the United States."

Either way, I think the audio was mostly entertaining, it involved the seven of us picking our comedians, the Ed singing songs, MJ drafting himself (Oh yes, he did!), and a bunch of other randomness including the seven of us "autodrafting" for the one guy who signed up to play and then didn't show up.

I don't know if it was a commercial success, but I enjoyed myself greatly, which is really all I was going for with this crazy business. If you're interested, the teams are listed below for your perusal, and then you can vote on which is the strongest team above.

The teams:

Team Name: The Originals
Team Owner: MJ Amory a.k.a. MJA on the message board

Movie Star 1: Adam Sandler
Movie Star 2: George Carlin
TV Star 1: Steve Carell
TV Star 2: Danny McBride as Kenny Powers in Eastbound and Down
Stand-up: Louis Black
Wild Card: Adam Carolla
Message Boarder: MJA


Team Name: The Ed's Super Deluxe Funny Team
Team Owner: The Ed, a.k.a. Pey Pey 23 on the message board

Movie Star 1: Chris Tucker
Movie Star 2: Robin Williams
TV Star 1: Fred Sanford
TV Star 2: Dave Chappelle
Stand-up: Eddie Murphy
Wild Card: The Jerky Boys
Message Boarder: Dick Banks

Team Name: The Auto-Draft All-Stars
Team Owner: Dombag85 a.k.a. The guy who didn't show up

Movie Star 1: Dane Cook
Movie Star 2: Rob Schneider
TV Star 1: Carrot Top
TV Star 2: Bea Arthur
Stand-up: Carlos Mencia
Wild Card: Spanky Brown
Message Boarder: LiJay

Team Name: The Fashionable Males
Team Owner: Aaron from the No Name Show a.k.a. BonaduceSux on the message board.

Movie Star 1: Steve Martin
Movie Star 2: Chris Farley
TV Star 1: Phil Hartman
TV Star 2: Chris Rock
Stand-up: Daniel Tosh
Wild Card: Stephen Colbert
Message Boarder: Security Guy Irv

Team Name: Rant in E-Minor
Team Owner: Face Ventura

Movie Star 1: Christopher Walken
Movie Star 2: Richard Pryor
TV Star 1: Susie Essman (Susie Greene on Curb Your Enthusiasm)
TV Star 2: Jason Alexander
Stand-up: Bill Hicks
Wild Card: The Great Gonzo
Message Boarder: Jerry Fairish

Team Name: The Infamous El Guapos
Team Owner: High Plains Grifter

Movie Star 1: Will Farrell
Movie Star 2: Chevy Chase
TV Star 1: Jerry Seinfeld
TV Star 2: David Feeney
Stand-up: Tom Hanks
Wild Card: Flight of the Conchords
Message Boarder: Cousin Brandon

Team Name: Stand up and Deliver
Team Owner: Craig Dodge a.k.a. Me a.k.a. socnorb777 on the Message Board

Movie Star 1: Woody Allen
Movie Star 2: Gene Wilder
TV Star 1: Bob Newhart
TV Star 2: Conan O'Brien
Stand-up: Mitch Hedberg
Wild Card: Homer Simpson
Message Boarder: The Ed

Team Name: Fusilli Larry
Team Owner: Jerry Fairish a.k.a. Larry a.k.a. PhillyBillyRules

Movie Star 1: Bill Murray
Movie Star 2: Dave Letterman
TV Star 1: David Cross
TV Star 2: Norm McDonald
Stand-up: Gilbert Gottfried
Wild Card: Saturday Night Live
Message Boarder: Dave Dameshek

NFL Weekend Preview: Week 2

The Ravens and Chargers are just one of the banner match-ups the NFL is giving us this weekend, let us give thanks for the bounty we are about to recieve!

After hardly a peep out of me on this blog for almost a week, I'm back and recharged from vacationing in Seattle and ready to roll with another banner week of predictions. Okay, so picking games straight up is easier than versus the spread, obviously, but I'm feeling pretty good about last week. I went 12-4, and only missed the exact score of the Vikings vs. Browns game by a single point. Here are this week's predictions to aid you in your football knowledge. (Or at least so you can be like me and pretend you know what is going on.) Here are my week 2 guesses on what will happen in the National Football League.

Panthers 20 Falcons 19 - Jake Delhomme can't possibly keep turning the ball over this much can he? After a horrific playoff game last year followed by a horrendous opening week game, I'm going to guess he rebounds to be only slightly below mediocre this week, which I'm also going to guess is enough to win this week. Lots of assumptions here, but I don't think the Falcons are as good as people think, and I don't think the Panthers are as bad as they were last week. Oh, and memo to everyone in the world who is talking about the Panthers quarterback. His last name is pronounced "Del Ohm" not "Del Home" the H is silent. Thank you.

Vikings 38 Lions 16 - The much too easy to be true opening schedule rolls on for the Vikings this week as they face off against Detroit in a game where Minnesota should be far too talented to lose. Detroit remains winless since early December 2007. By the way, did you see that crazy run Adrian Peterson broke off against the Browns last week? He looked like a man against boys, he was toying with the Browns D, it was insane. I loved it!

Packers 33 Bengals 13 - You gotta feel a little bit sorry for Bengals fans, what a crushing way to open the season. By all rights, the Bengals should be 1-0, yet the curse of HBO's Hard Knocks struck a mighty blow in the final thirty seconds of that Broncos game. As for the Packers, Aaron Rodgers looks like he may be a fantasy beast this season, and I am not yet ready to move off of my somewhat offbeat prediction that Green Bay wins the whole shebang.

Texans 17 Titans 16 - Is Week 2 too early for a must win game? Both of these teams lost their opener, the Titans looked okay against the Steelers, and the Texans proved that perhaps the weight of sleeper expectations may be too much for them. I like the Texans to show a little bit better than they did against the Jets, I'm not ready to give up on them just yet, although they did look bad by all accounts.

Raiders 22 Chiefs 19 - So the Raiders proved why they are the Raiders by failing to hold the late lead against the Chargers and the Chiefs played better than expected against the Ravens, so which team will make the most of their momentum from a solid looking loss to even their record at 1-1? Does it make me crazy that I actually think the Raiders may be almost respectable this season? I think they win this game on their way to earning a respectable by Raider standards 7-9 season.

Jets 23 Patriots 20 - I am beginning to believe in Mark Sanchez, and conversely, I'm beginning to get hope that the Pats are not as good as advertised. It's too early to make definitive proclamations, but I am prognosticating with my heart a bit with this pick.

Saints 33 Eagles 28 - So much depends upon the health of Donovan McNabb after that atrocious late hit in the end zone by the Panthers. I don't think Kevin Kolb can out duel Drew Brees and from all accounts Kolb will get the start this Sunday. I might still pick the Saints even if McNabb was playing, but with Kolb seemingly on track to get the start, I like the offensive juggernaut from Louisiana.

Redskins 31 Rams 10 - I'm guessing that the Rams actually score some points this week, but not nearly enough to come close to winning. St. Louis is a very bad football team, and while the Redskins aren't great, they should be good enough to take care of business on Sunday. Plus they have the motivation to avoid a repeat of last year's debacle of losing to the Rams.

Cardinals 20 Jaguars 10 - The NFC Champions really need to get back on track after dropping a game to the 49ers last week, and while the Jags played the Colts very closely, I still don't think they are all that good. The Cards are still probably due for a letdown of a season after the Cinderella act they pulled in last year's playoffs, but I think they can handle the Jags this week.

Seahawks 26 49ers 23 - This game suddenly looks mildly interesting, as the battle for the NFC West lead will be staged in San Francisco this weekend. I was in Seattle this past week, and they are very high on their Seahawks right now. Beating down the Rams is hardly a test of fortitude, but winning on the road against a suddenly game 49ers squad will be a much bigger test of their mettle. Perhaps it's just the residue from hanging out at the Pike Place Market too much over the past few days, but I like the Hawks to win this one.

Bills 13 Buccaneers 9 - I am not sure I could be much less interested in this game. I'll say Bills win just because they gave the Patriots a game, but I'm predicting a boring contest here.

Bears 14 Steelers 10 - Jay Cutler looked rather poor against the Packers Sunday night, and I wonder how badly he is missing the stout Denver Broncos offensive line protection he enjoyed last season. The Bears and Steelers both are trying to win games without having good offensive lines, and I'm going to pick the Bears this week if for no other reason than they are playing at home. Should be a low scoring game, as neither offense lit up the scoreboard a ton in week 1. I'm expecting more of the same as these two teams with similar strengths and similar problems match up on Sunday.

Ravens 24 Chargers 21 - This may be the game of the week. It certainly looks to be an exciting match up between two teams with lofty expectations. The Ravens defense will need to tighten things up, as allowing 24 points to the Chiefs is inexcusable, but the offense was able to carry the load and I am predicting that Flacco and company make it 2-0 versus the AFC West.

Broncos 23 Browns 13 - Yes, I am actually predicting a Broncos victory. Enjoy it, fellow Broncos fans, because I'm not expecting to do this very often this season, but I'm hopeful that the Broncs can ride the momentum of the crazy finish against the Bengals into a home opening victory over a subpar Browns squad and go undefeated against Ohio this season.

Giants 20 Cowboys 13 - These games are always entertaining, and I expect no less when the G-men and the Pokes face off this weekend. Tony Romo showed that he should be able to lead the Dallas offense to a solid showing this season, but I just think the Giants have the Cowboys number for this one. I may be too high on New York, but I truly believe they have the stuff to contend this year and I expect them to show it Sunday night under the spotlight (and also under the gigantic punt magnet of a scoreboard) of the first ever regular season game at the new Cowboys Stadium.

Colts 30 Dolphins 10 - If I were a gambling man, this is the game on which I would place my money. The Colts are only three point favorites, but I expect them to win handily on Monday Night.


My Picks Scorecard:
Last week: 12-4
Season to date: 12-4

(Programming note: The NFL Power Rankings were not posted this week due to my being on vacation in Seattle, but they will return to the blog next week!)

Broncos Gameday Recap: Game #1 - at Bengals

I was flying to Seattle as this game was going down, so I only saw about half an hour worth of this game, and it was the end of the first half, so it wasn't THE play. Obviously my breakdown can't be too great, but from what I saw. The Defense looked good, although, to be fair, this was the Bengals. The offense looked as crappy as I feared, and Although the boys are now 1-0, I'm still standing firm on my 4-12 prediction, although I'll enjoy being undefeated for at least a week.



Now, HOLY CRAP! That was one of the coolest plays I have ever seen. An 87 yard game winning touchdown pass that was deflected by a defender to a different receiver it was intended for and then scoring with only 11 seconds left? You have GOT to be kidding me! That doesn't even happen in Friday Night Lights...okay, so it happens in Friday Night Lights every other week, but still... Was it complete luck? Yes. Was there any way the Broncos deserved to win? I'm going to say no. However, the first mark is in the W column and we aren't giving it back. As the ball is in the air, it appears that all hope is lost, but then Brandon Stokely saves the day, and he even tries to run out the clock, which looked like a move from a game of Madden.

The NFL Oregon Trail

Many thanks to Matt (a.k.a. StreetDreamer83 from Dameshek.com)for sharing this goodness. I take no credit for this glorious creation that credit goes to Kotaku.com, but had to share it. Enjoy.

Vertically Striped Radio - Episode 17: Setting the draft order and Electronic Cigarettes

On the day before the NFL season gets going and before Craig flies out to Seattle for a vacation, Vertically Striped Radio was without MJ, as he had a lunch date with his parents. We pressed on with just Craig, and it was at times brutal. Fortunately, The Ed called in as did Face Ventura right as Craig was about to bag it.

The draft order was set for next Saturday's "Fantasy Comedy Draft." Somehow MJ got the first overall pick.

It wasn't always pretty, but somehow we got through. Next week should be much better. Many thanks to Face and Ed for making it bearable.

As always, you can listen below or listen to the podcast at www.blogtalkradio.com/verticallystripedradio

Sing a Song of Bacon, The Meat of Kings!

Bacon Ice Cream, and idea whose time has come.

So apparently a week ago today was International Bacon Day, talk about a holiday I could get behind! Is there anything that bacon can't make better? I got into a conversation about that very topic with my wife, and she does not share my absolute love of bacon. She said that it would not work in desserts, at which time I declared that bacon ice cream is just waiting to explode on the scene. I figured it was my original idea, and that it would take off in the next decade in much the same way that cookie dough did in the late 80's and that I would be hailed as a pioneer.

Then I run into this page, (Candied Bacon Ice Cream) and apparently I am not the visionary that I thought I was, not that it matters, because I just want Bacon Ice Cream to take off even if it's not my idea, it's an idea whose time has come. There is even a recipe to make it, which puts me one step closer to tasting it. Now I just need to buy the ingredients and actually make it.




I also ran into this commercial from New Zealand for Kiwi Bacon, which made me happy, because apparently even vegetarians can't escape the true power of bacon. Plus, the commercial is funny.

So, to summarize this extremely random blog post...I love bacon.

NFL Weekend Preview: Week 1

The Packers and Bears open this season by renewing their blood feud, the longest running rivalry in the NFL.

Fresh off correctly predicting the winner of the Thursday Night Opener, Here are my attempts to successfully predict the exact final scores of this weekend’s action. I’ll be happy if I get it even remotely close.

Colts 31 Jaguars 17 – I’m not expecting the Jags to have a good season, and I have the Colts predicted to represent the AFC in the Super Bowl. Plus the game is in Indianapolis, so I think it’s obvious which way I had to go in this game.

Saints 42 Lions 10 – 96% of everyone in the world who is doing a suicide pool has the Saints this weekend. Count me among their number, and while expect that New Orleans will mop the floor with Detroit; something about this pick makes me slightly nervous. The Lions haven’t won a game since December 2007, so clearly they are due. I truly believe they win a game, I just don’t think it happens this weekend.

Cowboys 20 Buccaneers 10 – Wade Phillips vs. a rookie head coach in Raheem Morris, a proven incompetent versus a guy with about eight minutes of experience. Here’s to guessing this won’t be an amazingly coached game. Cowboys get my nod here because they are just way more talented.

Panthers 26 Eagles 21 – Okay, I’m guessing this is the best game of the weekend, and it’s certainly one of the matchups that I am most interested in. I am curious to see how Jake Delhomme bounces back from the train wreck that was his last start in a meaningful game.

Ravens 26 Chiefs 3 – Here is my pick for the worst game of the weekend. The Ravens should be a very solid team this year, and the Chiefs will probably struggle even when Matt Cassell is completely healthy. The only thing that worries me about taking the Ravens and giving the 13 points is that the Ravens do not have a great history of scoring a lot of points.

Texans 16 Jets 13 – This is an interesting matchup of two teams that many people believe may be AFC sleepers. I believe in Houston more than New York, so I’ll take the Texans in a squeaker.

Falcons 27 Dolphins 14 – Both of these teams overachieved last season. I think Atlanta is much more likely than Miami to do it again. I think Matt Ryan is the real deal, and I’m pretty sure Chad Pennington is not.

Bengals 23 Broncos 9 – I really want to predict great things for my Broncos, the trouble is that I saw they play in the preseason, and I have very little faith. I’ll feel better about this season if they can find a way to win in Cincinnati, but I’m guessing that the ugliness of this year begins in Ohio.

Vikings 33 Browns 20 – The Brett Favre era in Minnesota begins with a deceptive bang. I don’t believe that he is the permanent answer, but the Browns are not a very difficult question, and Favre should hit the ground running with several easy games against the Browns, Lions, and 49ers to begin the year.

Giants 20 Redskins 17 – This game is off the board in my brain. There is no result that would surprise me…well, other than the Redskins winning big. I can see a Giants blowout, a Giants close win, or a Redskins close win. I decided to split the difference and go with a close Giants game, but I have very little conviction in the pick.

Cardinals 30 49ers 20 – Perhaps the Cards fall off the cliff due to the hangover effect of losing a Super Bowl, but even if they do, they should handle the 49ers at home. Hopefully Mike Singletary moons someone to make this game a bit more interesting than I expect it to be.

Seahawks 27 Rams 17 – The Seahawks renaissance begins at home this weekend. Getting to play the Rams Week 1 at a noisy Qwest Field is a great way to get your season off and running. This would be another solid suicide pick, I have a hard time believing the Rams can pull this upset.

Packers 31 Bears 24 – In what is clearly the most interesting matchup of the weekend, I see the Packers getting their Division winning season off to a great start with a win over the Jay Cutler led Bears. This is a pick that is made with my heart almost as much as my head, I dig the Pack, and I’m a little bitter about the way the Cutler era ended in Denver.

Patriots 33 Bills 27 – The Patriots scores this season may resemble scores not seen since before the Arena League went defunct. I’m expecting a bit of a shootout in Foxborough on Monday Night, and I think the Pats will most certainly win, but for some reason, I think the Bills keep it close enough to cover the eleven point spread.

Chargers 41 Raiders 14 – The Raiders opened their season at home against the Broncos on Monday Night last season and got demolished by this same score, so I figured why not predict that it happens again. The Chargers pretty much always thump the Raiders lately, and I see no reason that the trend wouldn’t continue in the boring second half of Monday Night’s doubleheader.