Preseason thoughts from Denver:

Broncos 23 Seahawks 20

So, if I'm going to pay attention to any preseason football, tonight was the night to do it. I was even rewarded with getting to see Tim Tebow bludgeon his way to a game winning drive. It's all meaningless, but if they're going to go to the trouble of pretending to play football, I'll go to the trouble of pretending to root for them. The Broncos performed reasonably well in their dress rehearsal, and we won't see the majority of the starters until the games actually start counting when they kick off against the Raiders on September 12th. Here are a few things I noticed while watching tonight:

Kyle Orton is clearly the best quarterback on the squad right now, but that doesn't mean he isn't still immensely average at best. He had some tremendous throws tonight, yet also managed one of the worst interceptions you'll ever see and reminded me yet again why hope dies for the Broncos offense once the play breaks down. Once Kyle Orton feels the pressure, he becomes hopeless in the backfield. He just runs backwards until someone can corral him for a huge loss. The man is fundamentally incapable of making something out of nothing.

Von Miller is impressive. A 2nd overall pick better be impressive, and Von's speed around the corner is breathtaking. I haven't seen enough of him to know if he'll be consistent and able to make it through a full season of NFL pounding, but I've been impressed in the little I have seen.

Tim Tebow remains raw. I have no idea if he'll ever mature into an effective NFL player, but it's clear he's not there yet. Despite the fact that he is the highest profile player on the Broncos by a mile, fact is, he's probably the third best quarterback on the roster, and may never get good enough to be a starter. I continue to hope for the best, and expect the worst.

Knowshon Moreno shows flashes of brilliance, and then continues to be an average back. If you're a fantasy player picking him up for your team, be wary that it appears there is an excellent chance that Willis McGahee is going to vulture a lot of his touchdowns, as it sure looks like John Fox likes using Willis in goal line situations more than Knowshon.

Tavaris Jackson is still Tavaris Jackson, meaning I'm not expecting much from Seattle this year.

John Fox looks like the kind of guy who yells at kids to get off his lawn. I get a very Parcells-ish vibe from him. I don't necessarily consider that a good thing.

I can't shake the feeling that the Broncos should be improved from last season. Not that they're going to be good, but merely improved. After 4-12 last year, Improvement is all I'm really hoping for. I got into a conversation with my brother about what a pie-in-the-sky best possible season might be, and we both agreed 8-8. Safe to say that it's not the best time to be a Broncos fan, but we remain faithful. Who knows, maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised with a fun season. You gotta be hopeful in August.

Anyway, that's enough about the fake football of August. Wake me up when September comes and the games actually count. Go Broncos!

Vertically Striped Radio - Episode 123 - 08-27-11 - Movin' Right Along

It's impossible to overstate how excited Craig is that a new Muppet movie is on the horizon. To celebrate, he introduced a new feature that will lead up to "The Muppets" coming to theatres in November. The Muppets Then and Now had it's first edition of "Moving Right Along" 


The Magnificent Seven list this week was a countdown of The Whale's and Craig's Top 7 Cheesy Songs that we secretly like. Craig's number 1 led to Fab Morvan getting to share his side of a huge contraversy in the music biz, and then Craig finished things off with a music recommendation of "I Know" by the Barenaked Ladies. 


Thanks to Face for calling in despite the fact that he apparently has never listened to the radio, and thanks to Jerry Fairish for calling in to rip Face for his lack of musical knowledge when it comes to terrible music. Jerry and I also shared our love of So I Married an Axe Murderer. (By the way, the actor we couldn't think of was Charles Grodin).

OK Go and The Muppets

I love OK Go, and I LOVE the Muppets. So often, the world of entertainment seems determined to annoy me, it's so rare that the cosmic forces all align for something this awesome...Every now and then I get lucky:

Vertically Striped Radio - Episode 122 - 08-20-11 - Cinematic Alzheimers

Craig described the movie "Rubber" as a cinematic version of having Alzheimers, you get to the end, and you know things were happening, but you're not sure exactly what. All you know is that you are confused, and it's over. Episode 122 may have been the podcast version of this same style of confusion, but at least it felt fun once it was over.


In 122, VSR strikes back against commercials that were tacked on to the beginning of the show as we played our first anti-commercial.


Face Ventura and Elevation joined Craig to discuss things like Craig's rough emotional week spent sporting a WNBA avatar, the implosion of Miami football, Roger Goodell's omnipotence, stadium naming rights, and Jay Glazer's hatred of clowns.


The He-Man movie watcher's club tried to disect the movie "Rubber" which is hard to do seeing as how it's a non-sensical pretentious movie about a killer tire. After muddling through, Craig wrapped things up with a music recommendation of the song "Orchestrated Love Song" by Burlap to Cashmere.

Vertically Striped Radio - Episode 121 - 08-13-11 - It's a Vanity State of Mind

Craig goes the prerecorded route for Episode 121, and the result is an odd hodgepodge. Special needs telemarketers, chicken sandwiches, Winnie the Pooh, a bed soaked with urine, a man soaking himself with urine and dancing proposing carrots among other assorted nonsense.


The highlight of the show is Craig's interview with Cousin Brandon and his girlfriend Michelle (known in many circles as Yoko) about their vanity licence plate blog Vanity State. The Vertically Striped Music Recommendation for the show was "The Future is Nothing New" by The Alternate Routes.

When Tattoos Go Horribly Wrong:

As much as I love the Denver Broncos and as much as John Elway is my favorite football player of all time, I simply can't condone this...

Vertically Striped Radio - Episode 120 - 08-06-11 - The Longest Segment in VSR History

The plan had been for the show to focus on a movie about a killer tire and ticket inanimate objects for the Week in Wankery. Alas, the best laid plans of mice and men... The show starts out with Craig fearing for the financial shape of the world, and Face confirming our suspicions that he has no idea what Craig is talking about. We have a bit of news, a bit of football chat, and then Elevation and The Ed both call in during the middle of a "Something to Think About" segment which lasts for the rest of the show. 


In addition to being the longest segment in VSR history, that edition of "Something to Think About" sees Ed at his most entertaining. We discuss Ed's new inventions, figure out how many Elephants are in Africa and how many people live in Asia. Ed also is convinced that 5 billion people live in Mexico, which I am pretty sure is a bit high. Despite barely touching on what we intended to discuss, I found this to be a very enjoyable episode. 


I finished off the show with a music recommendation I discovered from friend of the show John Yerrick. It was the song "Action Hero" from the band Fountains of Wayne.

Vertically Striped Radio - Episode 119 - 07-30-11 - Football Overload

Football!!! The lockout is over, and Craig has his mind on the pending pigskin. With a crazy week of NFL free agency just passed, Face and Craig broke down the goings on in the world of the NFL. We also made our picks for the division champs for all 8 divisions, putting our picks up against picks made by rolling dice and the picks of a three year old boy. Hopefully by season's end, Face and I will both be better prognosticators than a preschool lad and random chance, but the odds are probably against us. 


 In addition to talking football, we also inducted two more members into the Vertically Striped Hall of fame...members who have frequently been a subject of debate between Craig and Face in the past. Craig also sprinkled in some music recommendations from the new album "Join Us" from They Might Be Giants.


The big decision for the night was to select the movie "Rubber" for the next He-Man Movie Watcher's Club discussion next Saturday, as when you have an opportunity to talk about a movie about a killer tire, you have to do so.


For the record: Predictions for NFL Division Winners from Face, Craig, Luke, and the Dice.

AFC East – Jets, Dolphins, Patriots, Bills

Craig - Patriots

Face - Patriots

Dice - Jets

Luke - Jets

AFC North – Steelers, Ravens, Browns, Bengals

Craig - Ravens

Face - Ravens

Dice - Bengals

Luke - Bengals

AFC South – Jaguars, Texans, Colts, Titans

Craig - Colts

Face - Colts

Dice - Titans

Luke - Titans

AFC West – Broncos, Chargers, Chiefs, Raiders

Craig - Chargers

Face - Chargers

Dice - Chargers

Luke - Broncos

NFC East – Eagles, Redskins, Giants, Cowboys

Craig - Eagles

Face - Giants

Dice - Cowboys

Luke - Redskins

NFC North – Bears, Packers, Lions, Vikings

Craig - Packers

Face - Packers

Dice - Lions

Luke - Bears

NFC South – Saints, Buccaneers, Falcons, Panthers

Craig - Saints

Face - Falcons

Dice – Buccaneers

Luke - Buccaneers

NFC West – 49ers, Rams, Seahawks, Cardinals

Craig - Rams

Face – Rams

Dice – 49ers

Luke - Cardinals

...And Craig and Face's preseason Super Bowl predictions

Super Bowl:

Falcons vs Ravens - Falcons win Super Bowl

Eagles vs Colts - Colts win Super Bowl

I feel GREAT!! (Also, I need a Nutrigrain bar.)

Why can't there be more commercials like this on TV? I think I'd actually watch them. I feel like going out and buying a Nutrigrain bar right now! (Thanks to my friends Nate, Brandi, and Cameron for introducing me to this gem.)

Vertically Striped Radio - Episode 118 - 07-23-11 - Drunk Demolition Derby Drivers and Fast Food Greatness.

Mired in the depths of one of the worst stretches in sports history, Face and Craig managed to burn through nearly an hour of sports talk. Well, that is if you consider discussing Winnipeg Jets logos and women's soccer talking sports. We did also touch on what we hope to get out of sports coverage of labor negotiotations, basically we both simply want an end to lockouts and then absolutely nothing else in the way of lockout news. 


A whole new edition of "Something to Think About" had Craig discussing a valid reason that Face needed to change his last name, a change in a law that would allow cars to run down pedestrians, and some snow-cone talk...amongst other things. The Magnificent Seven returned with a Top 7 list of Fast Food Items, and the Vertically Striped Music Recommendation was the epically weird song "Start Wearing Purple" by Gogol Bordello.