Powerlines: Week 13 NFL Power Rankings

Sometimes life calls for earmuffs.

Another great weekend of NFL football is in the books, between the Raiders shocking the Steelers, the Saints almost tripping up in Washington, the Patriots falling yet again on the road in Miami, and the Giants and Cowboys putting on a great show, it was the kind of weekend that reminds you why you're a football fan. We're entering the point of the season where the rankings are somewhat easy to compile thanks to mountains of evidence from the season. Even ESPN almost gets it right at this point in the year! Here are this weeks rankings...Enjoy!


1. Colts – Indianapolis ascends to the top of the heap with an impressive win over a surging Titans team. They have now won 21 straight regular season games, and number 22 seems likely with the Broncos coming to Indy. Peyton Manning has had himself a full career against Denver alone. I’m hoping my boys can put together their most impressive win of the season this coming Sunday, but the odds are squarely against them. It would be quite a feather in their cap if the Broncos can take down this high flying team, but I’m not expecting it. If there is any hope for Denver, it’s that the Colts may be starting to get complacent as they have pretty much already wrapped up the number 1 seed in the AFC playoffs. In fact, if they do win on Sunday, the Colts have the top seed wrapped up in the AFC officially.

2. Saints – It is impossible to overstate how lucky the Saints were on Sunday. They overcame a late 10 point deficit on the road, they were the beneficiary of a Redskin 23 yard field goal miss which would have iced it for Washington. They made their own luck by calling timeout at an opportune time in order to give the replay booth sufficient time to decide to review and overturn a play on which a fumble occurred but wasn’t caught. Oh, and they scored in the final minutes of the first half on a drive where their two best offensive plays were a punt and an interception. All of those bounces went their way, and they STILL almost lost to a 3-8 Redskins team. They’re an NFL force, to be sure, but I can’t keep them at number one when they struggled so mightily on Sunday against such a mediocre team.

3. Chargers – While their seven game win streak is not as impressive as the Colts and Saints twelve game streaks, the Chargers are soaring at the moment. Their final four games are far from easy, but they seem likely to get the number 2 seed in the AFC barring an unexpected stumble or two. The Chargers finish by going to Dallas, playing the Bengals at home, going to Tennessee, and finishing at home with the Redskins. All four could be tough games, but they should be favored in all of them.

4. Vikings – Minnesota fans experience their first ever moments of trepidation with Brett Favre on Sunday night against the Cardinals as for the first time in purple, he looked more like a 40 year old man, and less like the second coming of Johnny Unitas. Is this the beginning of the late season Favre swoon predicted in prophecy, or was it just a blip on the way to the Lombardi trophy? The final month of the season in Minnesota promises to be interesting either way.


5. Bengals – Forget all you know about teams with tiger stripes on their helmets. This team can play defense. The NFL average points allowed at this point in the season is 258, the Bengals have allowed a league low 187. The offense is a little sketchy in that it’s only scored 24 or more points twice all season, but no one is scoring on this team. At 9-3 they are in position to compete with the Chargers for a bye in the playoffs. I think people would take this team more seriously if we didn’t have so many memories of horrible Bengals teams from the past. These guys are becoming masters of winning low scoring close games, they have a two game lead with tie-break advantages over both the Ravens and Steelers and they could be a force to be reckoned with in the playoffs. It still feels like they’re due to lose in the first round of the playoffs, but that is because it’s just hard to take them seriously as a contender due to their history. However, they are legitimately a contender.

6. Cardinals – With a three game lead over the competition, the Cards have the NFC West pretty much wrapped up. They’ll be hosting a playoff game, most likely in the opening weekend of the playoffs, but we’ve expected that from them. Can they match the crazy run of a year ago that landed them in the Super Bowl? It seems doubtful, but so much depends on the health of Kurt Warner. With Kurt, the Cards ceiling is the Sistine Chapel, with Matt Leinart their ceiling is a popcorn-ceiling at Waffle House. So much depends upon a fragile quarterback without much history of staying healthy.

7. Eagles – Andy Reid is a difficult NFL coach to understand. His teams routinely are devastating one week, and boneheaded the next. Although the Eagles consistently make the playoffs and find success, it’s hard to find a coach standing on a sideline that inspires less confidence. His offenses often seem well thought out and executed, although when he’s looking at the play sheet, he mostly just looks confused. And I’m pretty sure the NFL Coaches association would vote him “Coach most likely to be confused for a walrus” if they voted on such things. His Eagles chances are similarly difficult to figure. At 8-4, I should feel a lot better about the Eagles making the playoffs, but when I look at a schedule that includes At Giants, 49ers, Broncos, and at Cowboys, I can easily see them falling short. We’ll know a lot more about this years version of the Eagles after this coming weekend and their huge clash in New York. Win that, and I think they’re in.

8. Packers – Five weeks ago they looked abysmal in Tampa falling to 4-4 and I was ready to give up on the Pack. Now they have run off four straight victories including impressive wins over the Cowboys and Ravens. Now they look like a solid pick to snag a wild card, and if there is a football god, they will earn a rematch with the Vikings and knock Brett Favre out of the playoffs. Seeing as how I picked them to win it all, I’m definitely rooting for the Packers. I don’t think they have enough to make the Super Bowl, but if they could somehow knock Favre and the Vikes out, that’d be almost as good as a Super Bowl win to many of the Green Bay faithful.

9. Broncos – The good version of the Broncos showed up for the second straight week as Denver rolled to an easy victory over the Chiefs. Now, armed with a reborn sense of confidence that comes from steamrolling two straight opponents, the Broncos have an opportunity to make a gigantic statement to the NFL this weekend against the Colts. I don’t think they’ve got the talent put a halt to the Colts massive regular season streak, but I will be watching this battle of horses and anxiously hoping to be wrong.

10. Giants – Putting the hurt on the Cowboys and potentially starting their annual late season collapse had to feel good to a New York team that had been painfully short on wins over the last month and a half. Now the question remains, can they parlay that momentum into a playoff spot, or possibly even a division title?

11. Cowboys – Their December failure is starting to feel like a sports curse. Much like the Red Sox for years tightened up and fell apart in the playoffs, the Cowboys and their fans are starting to look like they expect things to go wrong in the twelfth month of the year. It’s becoming a self-fulfilling prophesy. The NFL schedule maker did them no favors, either, as they have quite a tough final month with the Chargers, at the Saints, at the Redskins, and home against the Eagles. I foresee yet another December collapse followed by hand wringing in Dallas and Jerry Jones having security escort Wade Phillips from the building at the end of the year. All of these reasons make this weekend’s game with the Chargers hugely important to them, they need to get it. (It wouldn’t hurt my Broncos if they won, either.)

12. Patriots – Thus far the Patriots have only won in places that have England in the name: Six home games in New England and one game in Jolly Old England. Not a good sign for a team that will almost certainly have to travel and win on the road in order to make the Super Bowl, which was what their fans were expecting at the beginning of the season.

13. Dolphins – It’s a tough road, but not impossible for the Dolphins to make the playoffs. Their schedule is full of teams that should be better, but have underachieved, which is completely opposite of the overachieving Dolphins who have no business being at .500 with their talent. The final month sees the Phins playing the Titans, Jaguars, Texans, and Steelers. I could easily see them going 3-1 or even 4-4 in this stretch…or they could get swept. I have no feel for what to expect from the Dolphins game to game.

14. Jaguars – I refuse to believe that this team will qualify for the playoffs…even as they keep winning. I look at their schedule and see a three game losing skid approaching, with games against the Dolphins, Colts, and Patriots. They should win their finale against the Browns, but 8-8 won’t be enough for them to make the playoffs.

15. Ravens – Joe Flacco has regressed from where he was at last year, or even earlier in the season. The defense has been unable to make up for it, and they have had several hard luck losses. At 6-6 things look bleak for Baltimore, but if you’re a Ravens fan, I have hope for you…The remaining schedule: Lions, Bears, at Steelers, at Raiders. Don’t give up Baltimore faithful, everything is not yet lost.

16. Steelers – A show of hands of everyone who figured that with Pittsburgh playing the AFC West that they would lose to the Chiefs and Raider, but thump the Broncos and Chargers…put your hands down, liars. Since trouncing Denver in the Mile High City, this team has completely fallen apart. Losing to the Raiders at Heinz Field either signals the end of the line or the ashes from which the phoenix of their rises. I’m guessing it’s the end of the line for the champs. I’m guessing the Steelers miss the playoffs entirely.

17. Titans – No one wants to play the Titans right now, but trying to climb out of an 0-6 hole may prove to be too much for this plucky group who appear to have righted the ship too late in the season to be able to sail to the playoffs. Still, I’m sure the Chargers and Dolphins are none too excited about the prospect of having to face this team in the critical final month when they have absolutely nothing to lose.

18. Jets – At 6-6 in the AFC, you need to be special to make it all the way. The Jets have not been special this year other than the one time they beat the Patriots. With a rookie quarterback ending the season with the Colts and Bengals, I’m guessing they remain non-special. Looks like all that sliding practice that Mark Sanchez got in with Joe Girardi didn’t do a lick of good as he showed on Thursday night that he still has a desire to dive head first…even if he’s going to get himself killed in the process. FEET FIRST, Mark.

19. Falcons – Who knew Chris Redman was still alive? With Matt Ryan battling turf toe, Redman subbed in for him and threw for only 235 yards and a couple of interceptions. The Falcons need to get Ryan and stud running back Michael Turner back right away to have any postseason shot, but they’re reeling so badly I think they’re done. They were run out of the Georgia Dome to the point that the fans started cheering for Michael Vick, only problem is that Vick was playing for the Eagles. Yikes.

20. Panthers – For those who think that a quarterback doesn’t matter much in the league anymore, I present the Carolina Panthers. Jake Delhomme had been terrible up until the point that he broke his finger, and despite having a solid team around him, the Cats have become irrelevant in the NFL. How lousy was the quarterbacking matchup on Sunday in the Panthers-Buccaneers game? Matt Moore of the Panthers made his first NFL start, threw for 161 yards on 14-20 passing with no touchdowns and an interception and he was far and away the better quarterback in the game. Josh Freeman of the Bucs threw for 321 yards, but also had a dreadful 5 interceptions on the day. File that game under “One I’m glad I didn’t see.”

#8 Was the beloved backup to #7.

21. Texans – As a career backup quarterback to John Elway, on the few chances that Gary Kubiak had to play in games, he won a lot of fans here in Denver. Due to those days of old, I cheer for him to do well as the head coach of the Texans. However, with the talent that team possesses, he’s going to need to start winning games and soon if he wants to remain the head coach. Rumors say that Texans ownership is still happy to have Gary running things, but how much longer can they stick with him if his teams continue to under produce? There is enough talent on that team to make the NFL playoffs, but yet again, they likely will fall short barring a miraculous finish.

22. Redskins – I bumped the Skins up several spots this week despite a loss. Few times in NFL history has a poor team like the Redskins played a juggernaut opponent as well as Washington played the Saints on Sunday. If kicker Shaun Suisham (who has since been cut by Washington) can make a chip shot 23 yarder, Washington becomes the first team this season to defeat New Orleans. Bad teams find a way to lose games they should win, which is just as much what happened as the Saints finding a way to win the game, but even in defeat, the Redskins have nothing to hang their head over regarding their effort. Washington may be a bad team, but they have the ability to take down good teams on the right day.

23. Seahawks – Congrats to Seattle for finally winning an interesting game on Sunday. Fans in the Northwest haven’t seen a lot of tense exciting football, so it must have been nice to have a play come down to the last play and have their team win it. The win was basically meaningless other than ending any shred of hope the Niners had to make the playoffs, but it was a nice step for a team that is in the midst of its second disappointing season in a row.

24. Bears – I’m sure it felt nice for the Bears faithful to finally get a win after losing for a month, but beating the Rams at Soldier Field proves nothing other than that the Rams are a very bad football team.

25. 49ers – A season that started with such promise for Mike Singletary and his 49ers has crashed and burned. Singletary hasn’t even been interesting lately. A very disappointing season by the Bay.

26. Raiders – Huge win for the Raiders, no one was expecting Oakland to put up much of a fight against the desperate Steelers in Pittsburgh, but Bruce Gradkowski wanted to show the town where he grew up a thing or two. The Pittsburgh native led the Raider offense on three fourth quarter touchdown drives to take care of the reeling Steelers. With the leadership he has shown, Gradkowski deserves a shot next year at the starting job in Oakland as he has shown infinitely more poise and drive behind center than JaMarcus Russell. Russell was highly drafted but is now generally regarded by NFL types as a massive bust. (Both literally and figuratively…that dude is huge)

27. Bills – You can take the Bills out of Buffalo, but you can’t take the ineptitude out of the Bills. If the Bills plan on moving to Toronto in the future, they may want to rethink that plan unless they can somehow take their passionate fans with them. To say the Bills don’t move the needle much in Toronto is a massive understatement, it was almost like the people in Canada didn’t understand the rules of football, and they definitely don’t care about the Bills. The Rogers Centre was like a morgue, you could hear a Ryan Fitzpatrick pass drop in that place.

28. Chiefs – Just a hunch, but I don’t think Todd Hailey is going to last very long as the Head Coach of the Chiefs. Both he and his team looked miserable on Sunday against the Chiefs, and that team stinks. If you’re supposed to get better as a season progresses, no one has told Kansas City who looks just as dreadful today as they did to start the season. It’s a testament to how many horrible teams there are that I think there are four teams worse than KC.

29. Lions – Three quarters of the way through the season, the Lions have already made a tremendous 2 win improvement on their previous campaign’s total with a chance to get as many as four more on top of that! See, it’s all in how you look at things! For what it’s worth, I started trying to name NFL head coaches off the top of my head, and I was able to name every single one save for the Head Coach of Detroit. I didn’t have the foggiest clue who he was or what he looked like. As a public service…his name is Jim Schwartz and he looks like this…

He is strong in the Schwartz.

Although a quick Google search shows that Schwartz apparently flaunts NFL convention by hardly ever wearing a ball cap. I could not find a single photo of him wearing a Lions hat. Here I thought that wearing a ball-cap was a league requirement so that they can sell more merchandise, and really, who WOULDN’T want to look like an NFL Head Coach?

30. Rams – My heart bleeds for Steven Jackson, the only real football player in Saint Louis. He is second in the league in rushing yards despite the fact that his team likely won’t win two games all year. Can’t we stage some sort of NFL intervention and get this guy onto a real NFL team? It’s in the best interest of everyone.

Is this not a perfect color for an NFL uniform?

31. Buccaneers – It’s hard to be optimistic if you’re a fan of the Buccaneers when the quarterback they are pinning their hopes for the future upon throws five interceptions in one game against the Panthers. Can the Bucs please go back to the creamsicle jerseys? They are undefeated in those uniforms this year and winless in their regular duds. Seems like a no brainer!

32. Browns – I’m so sorry Cleveland. At least you DEFINITELY have LeBron for the next few months and possibly longer. I’m guessing few in Ohio are referring to their head coach as “The Man Genius.” Even trying to think of something to write about the Browns is depressing, I can’t imagine being one of their fans right now.

Weekend Leftovers: Notes from the Sports Weekend

Brett Favre...asking where the cool restaurants are in St. Paul.

Now THAT’S the Brett Favre I know! I’ve been waiting for the old man turnover machine to make an appearance in a purple uniform, only to see an efficient and deadly quarterback show up week after week for Minnesota, but finally in the Arizona desert, the other Brett Favre made his first Viking appearance. As someone who has gone on record hoping that Minnesota doesn’t win it all so that I don’t have to put up with fawning praise of #4, it was a welcome sight. Hopefully more of the bad Brett Favre lies ahead! It was good to see him struggle in a 30-17 loss to the Cards.

Somehow Drew Brees and the Saints escaped DC with a win.

Weirdest two minute drive in history: The Saints may have wrestled away the title of luckiest team in the league away from their undefeated brethren from Indianapolis on Sunday. New Orleans had the luckiest final two minutes to end a half that I have ever seen. Trailing 17-10 and unable to convert a 3rd and 1 from their own 30, they punted. Saints punter Thomas Morstead shanked the kick, but somehow the shanked punt was a blessing for New Orleans as it hopped perfectly off of Redskins Rookie Kevin Barnes’ back and right to the Saints’ Usama Young for what ended up being a 29 yard gain. Then later on in the drive Drew Brees, falling backwards while trying to convert a 3rd and 26 with a wild heave, tossed a wild interception into the arms of Kareem Moore. Moore returned it 14 yards before losing it himself on a beautiful strip and recovery by Robert Meachem of the Saints who rumbled 44 yards with the pigskin for the tying touchdown in front of the stunned Washington faithful. It was the luckiest drive I can ever remember seeing, and perhaps the only drive in NFL history in which the two best offensive plays were a punt and an interception. Can you say lucky? Then, they avoid a certain loss when the Skins miss a 23 yard field goal late in the 4th...23 Yards? Yup. I told you the Saints were lucky.

Traditionally, December has not been kind to Tony Romo.

Don’t blame this December loss on Tony Romo. The Cowboys quarterback who has battled being called a December jinx for his entire career played an amazing game, throwing 55 passes for nearly 400 yards, 3 touchdowns and no interceptions. The Cowboys lost this one because they were unable to stop the big play. Brandon Jacobs flew for 74 yards off of a short dump pass for a touchdown and Domenik Hixon scampered 78 for a punt return touchdown. If you don’t find a way to tackle opponents who are running towards your goal…that’s a bad sign for your team. Romo was magnificent, but the defense let them down.

What is going on in Pittsburgh? The Steelers continued their embarrassing late season collapse in unbelievable fashion by failing to beat the lowly Raiders despite having the home field advantage and despite generally being considered to be three times the team that the Raiders are. Bruce Gradkowski channeled his inner Joe Montana throwing for 308 yards and three fourth quarter touchdowns to rally the Raiders for the improbable victory. The strangest thing about this game may be the fact that I was boisterously cheering for the Raiders, and this a day after maniacally rooting for Nebraska to upset Texas. What a weird weekend.

Make up your minds, Atlanta! Mike Vick made his return trip to Atlanta to play the Falcons in a role that can best be described as part-time quarterback. Vociferously booed and jeered at the beginning of the game, the Atlanta fans changed their tune and started chanting, “We want Vick!” towards the end of the game when the Eagles victory was well secured. So which is it, Georgia? Do you love your former dog-fighting quarterback or do you despise him? It was hard to tell by watching your reactions to him on Sunday.

The Brett Kern Mojo is officially over. The Titans win streak came to an end at five at the hands of a team riding it’s own 21 game regular season win streak. Brett Kern karma is apparently no match for Colts karma, as Indy breezed to a ten point win. For the Broncos sake, I’m pleased the Kern curse has ended.

Ah Darn, the Pats lost again! Okay, you caught me, I’m not really upset that the Patriots can’t win a game anywhere that doesn’t have “England” somewhere in the name. Their latest road ineptitude? Letting the Dolphins catch them from behind in Miami. Dreamboat Brady suddenly can’t win on the road, perhaps all this travel is interrupting his beauty sleep? Whatever it is, I pray it continues, as the AFC East is up for grabs again.

A big crowd for the Jaguars.

If they held a playoff game in Jacksonville, and nobody watched, would it count in the record books? If you read this blog, you know I think that the Jaguars are a fraud, but if they were somehow able to get a home playoff game, would anyone come? Their latest victory this Sunday against a solid Houston Texans team was played in front of a paltry 42,079. This is a potential playoff team in the NFL, and NO ONE cares. Go ahead and move the Jaguars to Los Angeles, Mr. Goodell, North Florida barely cares if they’re there or not. At least they have their Gators…wait, what? Oh, sorry about that!

Hey Texas, how tough is the course load at the Andy Reid school of time management? Surely you graduated! If Texas is really the second best college football team in the nation, then the nation has a LOT of crappy football teams. The Longhorns only showed up to play on the defensive side of the ball for the majority of the game and Nebraska’s Ndumakong Suh took up residence in the Horns backfield. (A buddy of mine and I decided that Suh needs to be nicknamed Donkey Kong post haste.) After falling behind 12-10 in the final two minutes, Texas was lucky to get a kickoff out of bounds and a horse collar tackle penalty, or they may have run out of time to qualify for the National Championship Game. As it was, they still almost ran out of time as Colt McCoy took his sweet time on the next to the last play of the game; McCoy threw the ball out of bounds nonchalantly and almost ran out the clock which would have ended the game without allowing their kicker to boot the winning field goal. It was a stunning display of clock mismanagement.

Broncos Gameday Recap: Game #12 - at Chiefs

The Broncos pretty much ran away with this game, just like this!

I'd tell you that I totally saw this Broncos domination in Kansas City coming, but I picked the Chiefs to win, so I'd be lying. What I forgot to factor in is just how much the Chiefs suck, I mean they are dreadful. I've seen guys suck before, but that is the suckiest group of sucks that ever sucked!

Matt Cassel has hardly been the franchise savior that he looked like in New England.

I haven't watched the Chiefs much, but from looking at stats week after week, I knew Matt Cassel wasn't having the greatest season. However, until you watch him for a full game, you have no idea just how dreadful the man is. The Chiefs can't be pleased that they are on the hook for a six year 63 million dollar deal to the horrible QB. Granted, contracts in the NFL aren't guaranteed, but 28 million of it is guaranteed. Oops. Cassel was horribly inaccurate, and when he wasn't off, the Chief receivers would drop the ball.

Brian Dawkins don't need no stinkin' helmet!

The final result? A downright boring game, that was only fun to watch if you're a Broncos fan. The Broncos completely outplayed a very untalented football team in a 44-13 romp that wasn't as close as the score indicated. No, seriously. I was worried about this game in the first quarter when the Chiefs went on a 20 play drive that lasted almost eight minutes. However, the Broncos held KC to a figgie, and after that, the rout was on.

Positives from the Game:

The Chiefs just couldn't deal with the Broncos runners.

The running game: Pretty much the entire game the Broncos were running at will. In fact...let's give three guys some individual credit here because they all deserve it.

Buckhalter was easily the player of the game in Kansas City.

Correll Buckhalter: Buck was on fire. He averaged 9.4 yards per carry, and if you're new to football, rest assured that's very good. His slashing style ripped through the Chiefs like a hot knife through soft serve ice cream. It was fun to watch as he continually kept moving the chains. Buckhalter finished with 113 yards on 12 carries, his best day of the year. Did I start him on either of my fantasy football teams, even though I own him on both teams and I'm thin at running back?? Of course not. I'm an idiot.

Knowshon got into the end zone twice against the Chiefs.

Knowshon Moreno: Knowshon ONLY averaged 4.1 yards per carry. What a slacker! Actually, he probably does need to work on his patience a bit, but overall he had a very solid day with 86 yards on 21 carries and a couple of touch-goals. (Very inside joke that maybe two people in the world will get.)

Hillis pounded the final nails in the KC coffin today.

Peyton Hillis: Okay, so he only got mop up duty, but he reminded Broncos fans why we love him so much. He was doing his bulldozer impression and driving defenders for yards and yards while they attempted to tackle him. I love watching him run, because he's a beast. He got 7 carries at the end and rumbled for 47 yards to wipe out the clock. Good stuff.

A large contingent of Broncos fans were on hand to cheer on their defense to a dominating performance.

The Defense: The Broncos defense absolutely stifled the Chiefs. They held them to 222 total yards and only 14 first downs. Granted, when you're playing a quarterback playing as dreadfully as Matt Cassel, it's not overly difficult to stop the opponent, but the Broncos made it happen in KC today.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Elvis was in the building at Arrowhead.

Elvis Dumerville: He got his league leading 15th sack, and is now only one sack shy of Simon Fletcher's Denver Bronco record for sacks in a season.

Brandon Marshall had yet another productive day in Missouri.

Brandon Marshall: The most exciting Denver Bronco had another great day. Seven catches for 94 yards and a touchdown. After starting the season as a non-factor, Brandon has once again become a focal point for the offense.

Andre' Goodman had his finest day as a Bronco in Kansas City.

Andre' Goodman: Dre' had a great game. He picked up a fumble and ran it back for six as well as making a nice interception of Cassel and getting 4 tackles.

Daniel Graham can do more than just block.

Daniel Graham: The big tight end not only helped with some great blocking opening up the extremely effective run game, he also snagged two catches for 20 yards and a touchdown. His score was one of the more remarkable jobs of misdirection I have ever seen as the Broncos sold the fake to the right so well that the tight end screen to the left allowed Dan to jog to the end zone.

Negatives from the Game:

Bobby Wade just missed a huge touchdown on this play.

First quarter defense: Not only did the defense allow the Chiefs to have a 20 yard eight minute drive in the first half, if Bobby Wade hadn't been overthrown slightly by Cassel, he would have had a seventy-six yard touchdown. Champ Bailey made a rare mistake in coverage and allowed Wade to fly down the middle of the field unguarded. Fortunately Wade couldn't reel in the slightly overpowered toss.

Mike Brown picked off Kyle Orton in the end zone on this opening drive play.

Kyle Orton: Kyle actually played a pretty solid game, and he didn't force too much to happen just taking what the defense gave him, but he did have a play early where he tried to force something in the red zone and it turned into an interception in the end zone, and he also was stripped for a lost fumble two times during the game. Despite that, the Broncos won easily and Kyle played okay. However, in a game where the Broncos dominate this heavily, I have to strain pretty hard to find a negative and Kyle gets it for today.

Final Thought:

The Broncos are rolling again after their four game slide in the middle of the season. Thumping the Chiefs amounts to taking care of business. The Chiefs are very bad. There isn't enough talent on that team to win without a lot of help, and the Broncos weren't going to give them nearly enough help today to keep it close.

The Broncos appear to have their grove back. The big test comes next week.

My optimism is rising, but it's still guarded. If the Broncos want to impress me and get me completely excited about their season again, ending the Colts 21 game regular season win streak would be a tremendous place to start. I don't think they get it done next week, and even if they don't the season has still been a lot of fun and holds potential for the playoffs, but a win in Indy would get me nuts about the Broncos chances again like I was after they won in San Diego to go 6-0. As it is, the Broncs are at 8-4, and continue to be a huge surprise in the NFL which is just fine by me. GO BRONCOS!

Vertically Striped Radio - Episode 28: I Apologize for Everything!

The show started oddly, as my kids were dropped off at my house by the grandparents two minutes before the show started...so I broke out a segment from the NPR show "Wait, Wait...Don't Tell Me." My mom thought my show was over, and she graciously took my kids to Disney on Ice, so she gets a pass.

Once the show got back underway, we had a solid effort. We had a news story about a orangutan who likes to take photos and we had an update on the Peru "fat-people" killers. I had several guests from the Dameshek.com message board, including Major Minority, Face Ventura, and The Whale. We discussed apologizing as an epidemic which naturally led to a good conversation about Tiger Woods.

After discussing how we needed to "Leave Tiger Woods alone" complete with my wonderful singing pipes being broadcast for all to hear, we did a Contender-Pretender segment on NFL teams.

We finished off by taking a page from the LCS Hockey Show and talking a little bit of hockey. Actually, it was almost exclusively Florida Panthers hockey, which is not exactly a scintillating topic, but it was a fun conversation and it allowed me to plug the Dan Lebotard show.

The BlogTalk switchboard gave out on me and didn't allow me to play any more clips, so the Vertically Striped Music recommendation will have to wait until next week.

NFL Weekend Preview: Week 13

If my prediction for the Hawks-Niners comes true, we will see a scene like this at the end of an exciting game.

I feel like I shouldn’t be surprised by results very often at this point of the season, yet the resurgence of the Titans, the collapse of the Giants, the fact that the Steelers lost in Kansas City, and the fact that the Buffalo Bills do things like beating Miami and Carolina just go to prove that despite the fact that I think I have my finger on the pulse, I really am not nearly as smart as I think I am. Which is sad, because I don’t think I’m very smart at all. My crystal ball is in the shop this week, so all my picks come from knowledge gained from a Zoltar machine. Rather than wishing to be big…and honestly, I’m big enough, I wished to go 16-0 in Week 13. Sure, some might wish for Peace on Earth, Goodwill to men, but I thought I’d start small.

If only Zoltar had told Tom Hanks to avoid Dan Brown movies. Oh well.

Philadelphia at Atlanta – This is a pretty important game in the NFC Playoff race, yet what do you bet the large majority of the hype will surround a quarterback who has thrown 9 passes and rushed 15 times all season. Yup, Mike Vick returns to Atlanta to mostly watch a game. I still can’t figure out why the Eagles signed him, took the flack from the PETA types for it, and yet refuse to really do anything with him. My best guess…he has nothing left, and they wish they could go back in time and NOT make that move. As to the game…I think the Eagles are much better than the Falcons. Eagles 27 Falcons 16

Saint Louis at Chicago – If ever a team needed the Rams to come in so that they could start rebuilding their confidence, it’s the Bears. I’m guessing that the Sacrificial Rams will do their duty and get thumped as is their custom, but how pathetic is the situation in Chicago if they can’t even beat Saint Louis at Soldier Field? Although I’ll be rooting for a Rams win and the accompanying Bear (Specifically Cutler) strife, I don’t think it happens, although I’m guessing Jay Cutler throws an interception in the Red Zone. It wouldn’t be a Bears game without that! Bears 23 Rams 6

Detroit at Cincinnati – The Lions just don’t have the firepower in this game against the Bengals. Cincinnati wins the battle of the big cats easily. Bengals 39 Lions 17

Oakland at Pittsburgh – Since trouncing the Broncos in Denver on a Monday night, the Steelers have looked helpless and hopeless as they have dropped three in a row. Dennis Dixon looked credible against the Ravens as the starting quarterback, but the champs need to get Ben Roethlisberger back ASAP if they want to stay in contention. They might even be in trouble this weekend if they had a real team coming into town. Bruce Gradkowski is a subpar quarterback, and yet he is a massive upgrade to what the Raiders had been putting behind center with Jamarcus Russell. I’ll guess the Raiders are able to keep it moderately close, but the Steelers can’t lose this game, they just can’t. Steelers 28 Raiders 20

Tennessee at Indianapolis – This is perhaps the most interesting game of the weekend. Since opening the season by dropping their first six, they have started to look like a bonifide contender winning the next five in a row with Vince Young taking over for Kerry Collins. The Colts are on a pretty solid run of their own, having won their last 20 regular season games in a row. That’s a pretty good streak. All good streaks have to come to an end, and why not…for the second straight week, I’m going to predict a Colt letdown. It’s bound to happen eventually, and with the white hot Titans in town, now is as logical a time as any. (Although I’d prefer the Broncos be the ones to snap that streak next weekend.) Titans 27 Colts 24

Denver at Kansas City – On paper, this looks like an easy win for my Broncos. However, they don’t play these games on paper…they play them inside TV sets, and on TV, anything can happen. I am terrified of the Chiefs this weekend. The Broncos are 1-17 all time against the Chiefs in Arrowhead in December, so please forgive me if I don’t automatically chalk this one up as a win. The Broncos desperately need it, and the Chiefs are truly a sad sack group of players, but I have a terrible feeling about it. In fact, I’m just flat out going to call it a KC win. If you think I’m trying to jinx Kansas City, you’re right, but I’m also legitimately afraid that I’ll be right. Chiefs 31 Broncos 28

New England at Miami –The Dolphins have to be reeling after dropping a must win game to the Bills last week. At 5-6 it’s not impossible that they could make a playoff run, but it’s certainly not likely. I think the Pats need to get back on track after getting pistol whipped by the Saints. Belichick’s boys get a little of their groove back in South Florida…hopefully it’s their only trip there this football season, as I really don’t want XLIV’s party to be crashed by New England. Patriots 31 Dolphins 21

New Orleans at Washington – The Saints are actually afforded motivation that most teams flirting with perfection do not have. They want to make sure that if they play in the NFC Championship game that it will be held in Louisiana, and the only way they can guarantee that is by continuing to win. The Vikings are actually hot on their heels. Whether or not that is a positive for the team is in the eye of the beholder, but one thing is certain: The Saints have a reason to be motivated to win. The Skins have only won one of their past seven (Against the Broncos, of course), but they have not looked completely inept. They just keep managing to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory week after week. I don’t think they need to worry about losing close this week. Saints 37 Redskins 9

Tampa Bay at Carolina – The Bucs cupboard is pretty bare, but the Panthers quarterback situation is even more dire. How bad is it? It’s so bad that not having Jake Delhomme this weekend (due to a broken finger) can actually be categorized as a BAD thing. That’s pretty sorry. Apparently someone named Matt Moore is going to be behind center for the Cats. Yeah, I’ve never heard of him either. Actually, I shouldn’t just automatically assume that because some scrub whom no one has ever heard of before is going to be taking the snaps for Carolina that it’s worse for the Panthers than if Jake was back there. There is a 50-50 chance that the Geico Gecko would be an improvement over the way Jake has played this season…plus Carolina could save up to 15% on car insurance, which is nice. No matter how you look at this game, you probably won’t want to look at it for very long. I’ll go with my heart on this pick, since my brain has very little interest in the contest. Since Josh Johnson matriculated at Kansas State, a school I attended and of which I have fond memories, I’ll take the Buccos in a bit of an upset. Buccaneers 20 Panthers 13

Houston at Jacksonville – Despite the fact that the Jags have a better record, the Texans have lost three in a row, and the game is in Florida, I’m going to run like mad away from the Jaguars. I continue to maintain and shout from the mountaintops to whoever will listen that the Jags are just not very good. I refuse to believe in them, even if they have six wins. They are not very good. To be fair, I’m not sure the Texans are any good either at this point, but I’m going to put my pick where my faith lies…which is NOT in the Jags. Texans 27 Jaguars 17

San Diego at Cleveland – Quietly, the Chargers are completely stomping teams and looking like world beaters. The Browns are a monumentally crappy team, and their home crowds look depressed rather than excited to be there. If I were cheering for the Browns, I might be down as well. In what I predict to be the biggest thumping of the weekend, Chargers roll. Chargers 42 Browns 3

Dallas at New York Giants – The Cowboy way in recent years is to fall apart at the end of the season. I feel like they had their swoon a little earlier this year, but were able to get through it with some wins thanks to a creampuff schedule. I’m looking for them to reverse the late season collapse starting in the Meadowlands on Sunday. I watched the Giants last game on Thanksgiving, and that was a team that looked disinterested in being physical as the Broncos pushed them all over the place. Perhaps that was an isolated incident, but I’ve lost faith in the G-men. Even with history and home field advantage working against this pick, I’ll take the team that has won 6 of their last 7 over the team that has lost 5 of their last 6. Cowboys 23 Giants 16

San Francisco at Seattle – Seahawks games haven’t been close very much all season, but they’re due for a nail-biter. I’ll take the Hawks at home in a game where I’m going to get super specific and predict overtime will occur. Seahawks 23 49ers 20 (OT)

Minnesota at Arizona – The Vikings have looked awesome, but they have not faced too many teams that have the potential firepower of the Cardinals. I say potential, because I don’t know for certain whom will play quarterback for Arizona. If Kurt Warner is able to come back from his concussion issues and play at his best, I think this is a close game…a score that is within a touchdown seems likely. (I’ll take the Vikings to win either way.) However, if it’s Matt Leinart, I’m less enthused about the Cards chances. I’m guessing Leinart gets the start, although Arizona Head Coach Ken Whisenhunt isn’t saying. With that massive bit of conjecture, I’ll pick Minny to stay on their hot run. Oh, and for the love of God, Adrian Peterson, please stop fumbling the ball. I need Brad Childress to keep his faith in you so that you can put up your usual massive numbers for my fantasy team, without AP, my team is hopeless. I’ll channel my inner Princess Leia here, “Help me Adrian Peterson, you’re my only hope!” Vikings 33 Cardinals 22

Baltimore at Green Bay (Over 44.5) – Ray Lewis can still shake his groove thing in pre-game introductions, but the defense he’s leading is a shell of it’s former self. That, more than anything else, is to me why the Ravens have fallen from one of the best teams in the league to fighting for one of the last wild card positions. Both of these teams are tough to figure out, because the Packers are playing better than I expect and the Ravens have been playing worse than I expect. Either way, what I do expect out of the Monday Night game is an interesting contest between two teams that are desperately hunting for a wild-card spot. Here’s hoping the game is as good as I expect. Packers 31 Ravens 28


My Picks Scorecard:

Thursday Night: 1-0
Season to Date: 115-62

NFL Weekend Preview: Week 13 - Thursday Night Quickie

Jets and Bills...The NFL Network continues to fail to impress with their Thursday Night lineups.

I don't have time to write up the whole weekend, but I didn't want to miss Thursday night's game in Toronto. You can look for the rest of the weekend preview to be posted tomorrow.

New York Jets at Buffalo – Thursday night games have traditionally been marred by sloppy play and poor tackling due to a short week. It might be hard to tell if this game’s sloppy play is due to the fact that it’s being played on Thursday, or just because it’s the Jets and Bills. If the NFL Network wants people to clamor to get their network for the Thursday night games…they should put better games on Thursday. This is a woofer of a matchup, it’s so bad we’ve outsourced it to a foreign nation. Okay, Canadian only feels half foreign, but still…If this game were in front of the rabid Bills fans, I think I’d take Buffalo, but it’s going to be played in front of a tepid Toronto crowd. Jets 16 Toronto Bills 13


My Picks Scorecard:

Last Week: 11-5
Season to Date: 114-62

The World Cup Draw for Dummies

Don't be this guy, you want to see when something big is flying at your head... Here is a brief World Cup Draw primer so you have some idea what the world's sporting fans are getting all excited about.


World Cup is coming! How big is soccer on the world stage? It is so big that this Friday the FIFA World Cup Draw, an event where not a single minute of sport is contested will draw television ratings to rival the Super Bowl and the “Who Shot JR” episode of Dallas. By the way, in case you’re wondering FIFA stands for Fédération Internationale de Football Association, it’s the international governing body of soccer. (Technically, they consider it the international governing body of football, but I’m too much of an American to call the game football, it’ll always be soccer to me.)

The World Cup Draw show is like the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament selection show on steroids. It is wildly popular even though it lacks the “Who is the last team into the tournament” drama of the NCAA Selection show…as we already know all 32 nations that will be represented.

Millions and millions around the world will tune in this Friday, not to watch a game, but to watch the selection of eight groups and to find out which nations their team will be competing with in group play.

Is there a weirder pairing than Charlize Theron and Archbishop Desmond Tutu?

Interestingly, the World Cup Draw television show will broadcast live from Cape Town and will feature a cast of characters that includes Archbishop Desmond Tutu, Haile Gebreselassie (an Ethiopian long distance runner), David Beckham, Makhaya Ntini (A South African cricket player and the first black man to play for the South African cricket team), FIFA secretary general Jérôme Valcke, and oddly, Charlize Theron (Invited to participate because not only is she a native South African, she’s also easy on the eyes.) Nelson Mandela will also address the audience via video message. Yup, It’s a pretty big event! For those unaware of how the world’s biggest sporting event works…here is a brief synopsis:

Thirty-two teams have qualified to play in the 2010 World Cup. These teams will be broken down into eight groups of four. The first round of the World Cup consists of each nation’s team playing the other three teams in their group. A team is awarded three points for a win, one point for a tie, and no points for a loss. If there is a tie, tiebreakers work with goal-differential the first tiebreaker, total goals the second, and finally to the head-to-head result. If those tiebreakers are all even, then it goes to a drawing of lots…which would be about the single most important and exciting game of Paper, Rock, Scissors in the history of time.

At the end of the round-robin stage, the top two teams from each group advance to a sixteen team single-elimination tournament until only one team remains standing as the World Cup Champion. Even if you’re not a big soccer fan, you should give the World Cup a shot when it rolls around next June. The excitement that surrounds the event and the passion of the crowds and intensity of the competition is electric. Even for those who actively avoid the beautiful game, if you’re a sports fan it’s hard to not get sucked into it.

World Cup action is truly spectacular.

As for this Friday’s draw: here’s how it works. The eight groups will be created by taking one team from4 regionally oriented groups. The four groups are called pots, and the first group is created based on rankings and the other three are created based on region of the world. The pots are created by a complicated statistical formula that takes into consideration each nation’s FIFA rankings along with historical performances in past World Cups to determine which teams get the preferential treatment.

The top seven teams are placed into Pot 1 along with the host nation. Then the remaining teams are placed into pots based on their region so that teams from the same area do not play each other. Pot 1 is comprised of the best teams and they are often referred to as the seeded teams. The teams which have received seeds this year are: Germany, Brazil, Italy, Spain, England, Holland, and Argentina. Pot A is rounded out in 2010 by the dance partner that everyone in Pots 2, 3, and 4 are hoping to get grouped with…The host nation South Africa.

South Africa is only in the World Cup because they are hosting it; the host nation gets an automatic bid. South Africa is ranked number 86 in the world in the FIFA rankings, and had they been forced to attempt to qualify, they wouldn’t have made it; South Africa just isn’t very good. Being matched up with the hosts in a group is a double blessing as it means that not only do you get a relative cupcake for the Round Robin portion of the World Cup, you also avoid having to qualify for the elimination round against the seven best teams in the tourney. Getting grouped with South Africa is like being kissed by the World Cup fairy, The United States has a 1 in 8 chance of getting that lucky. However, the USA has a history of being unlucky when it comes to draws…I’ll be shocked if we get lucky enough to be in the South African group, although that is what I’m hoping for.

The rest of the pots are broken down like this:

Pot 2 (Asia, Oceania, North America, and Central America) - Japan, South Korea, Australia, North Korea, New Zealand, the United States, Mexico, and Honduras

Pot 3 (Africa and South America) - Cote D’Ivoire (a.k.a. the Ivory Coast), Ghana, Cameroon, Nigeria, Algeria, Paraguay, Chile, and Uruguay

Pot 4 (Europe) - France, Portugal, Slovenia, Switzerland, Greece, Serbia, Denmark, and Slovakia

So, this Friday at noon Eastern time, when that weird soccer-fan guy in your office is acting all ecstatic or dismayed because of “the draw.” You’ll have a slight idea what he’s talking about, and you can laugh because he is getting all emotionally riled up over games being announced that won’t be played for seven months. Man, I love the World Cup!

Chinese news and the Tiger Woods situation...a match made in comedy heaven.

So this has been circling the internets like mad for the past several days, so you very likely have already seen this, but if you haven't...you need to.

Powerlines: Week 12 NFL Power Rankings

In the spirit of taking pictures of total strangers, my buddy Face Ventura from the Dameshek.com message boards took this photo of this retro Broncos fan. Face even tells me he plugged my blog to this guy, so bonus points to our friend down in New Mexico for not only plugging VerticallyStripedSocks.com, but also taking pictures of a stranger on a bus. Well done, sir. These rankings are dedicated to you, Face!

We are entering the time of the year where the talking heads begin to proclaim, “If the season ended today…” I am going to do my best to avoid that expression, because I don’t think the NFL has any plans to end the season any earlier than it’s scheduled finish, however it is exciting that the playoffs are drawing near. That also means that the end of the fantasy season is near as well. The playoffs are bittersweet, as on the good side it means that the best and most important football of the year is drawing near, but it also means that the offseason is getting close. Football offseason is the longest and hardest part of the year, so I guess what I mean to say is…Relish this December football, it will soon be over and we’ll have nothing but hockey and basketball to sustain us. Sigh. Anyway, Here is how I see the power distribution of the league this week…

1. Saints – What an impressive win on Monday Night! It’s a good win to beat the Patriots, but to obliterate them is something that is very rarely accomplished. The Saints have all the right ingredients to achieve the second ever 16-0 season. Their remaining schedule is decent, but not overly difficult (at Redskins, at Falcons, Cowboys, Buccaneers, and at Panthers) and they need to keep winning to guarantee the top seed as the Vikings also appeared poised to win out, and their loss is to an AFC team, so if the Vikes win out and the Saints drop 1 contest, the Vikings would get the top seed based on better conference record. So they have both the schedule and the motivation to keep winning. Odds of an undefeated regular season for New Orleans – 3 to 2

2. Colts – If the Colts can get through their next two games…moderately difficult home games with the surging Titans and the at times tough Broncos, they should also be able to wrap up an undefeated season. (After those two home games, their season ends gently with the trio of Jets, Jaguars, and Bills) The Colts are slightly less likely to run the table than the Saints, as they lack the proper motivation to give their all to keep on winning. They currently have a three game lead over the Bengals and at least a four game lead over the rest of the AFC. They could have the #1 overall seed in the AFC clinched in a week or two at which point Jim Caldwell will need to decide how hard he wants to press his team over the final month leading up to the playoffs. Although their path isn’t overly difficult, the likelihood of the Colts letting up a bit to rest means that their odds to go undefeated are not QUITE as good as the Saints odds. (By the way, if both the Saints and the Colts go to the Super Bowl at 18-0 then I might start believing that the world is going to end in 2012. I mean, how could the NFL possibly top that?) We’ll put the odds for the Colts to end the regular season undefeated at 4-1.

3. Vikings – The Vikes are easily playing in the same stratosphere as the Colts and Saints right now. Their defense is stifling, their running back is a specimen (although he needs to stop fumbling so much), their offensive line gives Favre all the time he needs, their Receiver corps is top notch right now with Percy Harvin, Sidney Rice, Bernard Berrian, and Visanthe Shiancoe all on fire, and of course Brett Favre is playing at a higher level than any 40 year old has ever played in the history of the game. I have the Vikings at three in the power rankings right now due to their loss to the Steelers, but if I had to wager my life on a team I think will win it all…I’d be wagering on the Vikings. Now that I’ve said all this gushingly nice things about the Vikes…would it be alright if Brett Favre turned into an old broken down man again? I’m not sure that I want to live in a world where Brett Favre the Viking is the Super Bowl Champ.

4. Chargers – San Diego is quietly tearing through the league. The fact that the man in charge of this whole show is Norv Turner is legitimate reason to give pause, but there is no denying the way they are ripping through the league with six straight wins is impressive. The second seed in the playoffs and the very important bye week that comes with it may well be determined by the Bengals-Chargers game in San Diego in a few weeks. (Which is more likely, by the way? That Brett Favre does his late season collapse as has become his late fall custom, or that Norv Turner starts being Norv Turner again and starts coaching his team to it’s doom? I keep hoping for both, but it’s looking like neither will happen.)

5. Bengals – The AFC West appears to be kryptonite to Cincinnati, as apart from being swept thus far by that division, they have only lost one other game. The bad news for the Who Deys is that they have two more games against the AFC West. I think the Bengals nail down the AFC North division, but their path to a bye is much tougher than the Chargers, and I don’t think they’ll be able to get it done. I see a 4 seed in their future, as the Patriots have a baby soft schedule down the stretch, and the Bengals still have to go on the road to Minnesota and San Diego. Doesn’t the NFL have to secretly be hoping that the Bengals fall apart? I mean, could there be a worse scenario for the NFL than the Bengals making the Super Bowl? Well, I guess they could go up against the Cardinals. With the prospect dangling of a Colts-Saints Super Bowl, the NFL offices would probably contemplate mass ritual suicide if XLIV turned into Bengals-Cardinals

6. Cowboys – Am I comfortable putting Dallas this high in the rankings? No, not even a little bit. Their offense has struggled against mediocre competition, and at times they look remarkably beatable. However, they are tied with the Bengals and Chargers for the fourth best record in the league and at some point you have to rely on the Parcells axiom, “You are what your record says you are.” The Cowboys record says that they are in the top six of the league. I’m not betting on them in the playoffs as they appear to be a bit of a paper tiger, but they are certainly winning games and that is what it’s all about. By the way, Tony Romo haters, the calendar just turned to December so you can begin using your Voodoo dolls.

7. Patriots – If you just look at the final five games for New England, it seems pretty likely that they will be able to win out and grab at least the 3 seed in the AFC. Their remaining schedule breaks down like so…at Dolphins, Panthers, at Bills, Jaguars, at Texans. On paper, that looks like five wins, until you remember that three of those games are road games, where the Pats have looked very human this season. They are 1-4 on the road thus far with their only road win against the hapless Buccaneers. Granted, none of their remaining road games are in places as difficult as Denver, New Orleans or Indianapolis, but still…it’s reason to worry if you’re a Pats fan. I think they still find a way to run the table. However, they’re going to need to win on the road in the postseason if they want to meet their preseason expectations of a championship, and they haven’t been very good at doing that.

8. Eagles – Philly has a tough stretch run which will make it hard for them to catch Dallas. They have to go to Atlanta, to the Giants, then the 49ers and Broncos will come calling, and they finish at Jerry Jones’ luxury palace in Dallas. The Eagles struggle to put away mediocre teams like the Bears and Redskins, and have been failing lately against the good teams. They may still make the playoffs, but only because apart from the two super deluxe monkey teams in the conference (Minnesota and New Orleans), the rest of the NFC is somewhat weak. I guess that news is somewhat exciting, as it means we’ll be able to watch Andy Reid bumble a clock management situation in the postseason!

9. Ravens – The Ravens are only one game over .500, but I think they have a team that can hang with just about anyone in the league. The defense is not what it once was, but when they are playing at their best they are dangerous. They keep hanging around, no one blows them out, and but for two bad plays (a bad Flacco interception late against the Colts, and a missed Figgie by the now banished Steve Hauschka in Minnesota) they would be 8-3. They didn’t make those plays, however, and they are dangling on the verge of the playoffs, but this to me is easily the best 6-5 team in the league. I’m not sure what the Ravens have to do for me to stop believing in them…at this point they could probably lose by thirty to the Browns, and I’d be making excuses for them.

10. Cardinals – The playoffs are all but assured for Arizona as they play in the very weak NFC West, but to earn a return trip to the Super Bowl, they cannot allow 99 yard drives in the final three minutes when they are leading. Granted, the Titans have Brett Kern mojo powering their resurgence along with a rejuvenated Vince Young who now looks to be not a bust but an up and coming confident quarterback, but still. That loss to Tennessee hurt the Cards chances to be taken seriously as a true NFL power broker team this year.

11. Steelers – Without their two best players, the men of Steel are a shadow of their former selves. Dennis Dixon did an admirable job filling in for a concussed Roethlisberger against the Ravens, but the Steelers offense needs Big Ben almost as much as the Steelers defense needs Troy Polamalu. Without those two in the lineup, the champs are in real danger of dropping out of the playoffs altogether. In fact, as it stands right now they would be out of the playoffs in favor of the squishy soft Jacksonville Jaguars team. If they get healthy, they will definitely put in a solid challenge to make a playoff run, but that is a big “If” at the moment.

12. Broncos – Will the real Denver Broncos please stand up? There are clearly two versions of this team, the one that opened up the season like an unstoppable force and reappeared on Thanksgiving to trounce the Giants, and the version that played like they were unfamiliar with the basic tenets of football for the majority of the month of November. For the record, I like the unstoppable force team much better than the pile of dough team; I have zero idea which one we’re going to see for the remainder of the NFL season, but the trip this weekend to the Broncos house of horrors also known as Arrowhead frightens me despite the pathetic level of the modern day Chiefs.

13. Packers – After the embarrassing loss to the Creamcicle Buccaneers in Tampa, I had written this team off. However, they have strung together an impressive three game streak to climb back into contention. They can make the playoffs, but if they do so, they’ll have earned it, as they have games remaining with the Ravens, Steelers, and Cardinals. I’m guessing they finish at 9-7, which may or may not be enough to get them into the dance. Either way, they have rebounded nicely from where they were at three weeks ago.

14. Titans – The house of fire that is the Tennessee Titans won the most exciting contest of the year. If Matthew Stafford had his moment of emergence a week ago in leading the Lions to an improbable win over the Browns, then Vince Young had his re-emergence moment against the Cardinals this past Sunday. Winning a game on the final play of the game with an amazing 99 yard drive is the kind of things that legends are built upon. This team, once 0-6 and coming off of a 59 point beat down has now strung together five straight victories, and is improbably on the outskirts of playoff positioning. In order to make it all the way back, they’ll probably need to run the table, which will be tough with both the Colts and Chargers remaining, but they’ve already redeemed a season which looked lost six games in.

15. Falcons – They almost lost to the Buccaneers in their own building. I refuse to take seriously as a contender a team that almost loses a home game to the Bucs this year. Technically, this team is still in the hunt; but with their next couple games being against the Eagles and Saints, I expect that balloon will be popped in short order.
16. Giants – I know that the Giants were none to pleased to leave New York after three days rest to play a game at Mile High, but seeing as how they need every win they can get to make the postseason, you’d think they’d have at least showed up for the game. It was good to get the Broncos off of their losing skid, but Lady Gaga puts up more resistance to a weird outfit than the Giants put up against Denver on Thanksgiving. To the people advertising for the Citizen Echo-Drive watch…if you want to associate your product with a quarterback who is unstoppable…perhaps Eli Manning is not the best choice. The Broncos proved that he is very stoppable.

17. Texans – Since reaching the dizzying height of being a franchise record two games over .500 at 5-3, the Texans have dropped three straight games. Yet another season of promise appears to be circling the bowl and about to be flushed by Gary Kubiak and company. I like Gary, but I’m beginning to wonder how many more chances he’s going to get. This is a team with a decent amount of talent that needs to start winning.

18. Dolphins – The loss at Buffalo is spirit crushing for this team. This plucky group of overachievers won’t be able to scheme their way into the playoffs at this point, but a word of warning to the contenders remaining on their schedule. They are perfectly capable of playing the spoiler role and taking you down with them. If you’re the Jaguars, Patriots, or Steelers…all teams remaining on Miami’s schedule…Beware of the swimming mammals.

19. Jaguars – With current playoff positioning, the Jags are in right now. This is insane to me, as the Jags barely beat the Jets, Chiefs, Bills, and Rams this season. Plus, have been pounded into submission by the Titans, 49ers and Seahawks this season. They have not beaten a single team that currently has a winning record this season. I cannot allow this team to make the playoffs. I am making it my personal mission to keep them out. I don’t know how I can stop them, but hopefully their remaining schedule will do the job for me. This team is a fraud with a capital David Garrard. Fortunately for my sanity they have games remaining with the Texans, Dolphins, Colts, and Patriots. Heed my words: The Jaguars will NOT make the playoffs. Guaranteed.

20. 49ers – Although they are in a tenuous position right now at 5-6, I’m not ready to count out the Niners just yet. Not when they have been kissed by the Easy-Schedule Fairy for the final two weeks of the season with games against the Lions and Rams. If San Francisco can get hot over the next three weeks, they’ll be in the hunt.

21. Jets – Rookie years have a way of humbling quarterbacks. Mark Sanchez has gone from cocksure young gun with a 3-0 record, to a guy with faltering confidence and a color coded wrist band to help him remember how aggressively to handle each play. I still think he has a good chance to become a solid quarterback, but clearly he isn’t one yet, and he has a LOT to learn. How confident can you feel about anyone doing any job where a color-coded wristband is deemed to be necessary for them to do the job correctly?

22. Panthers – Ouch, Carolina will not be able to play out the string easily. After a breather with the Bucs this weekend, they finish out the schedule with the Patriots, Vikings, Giants, and Saints. It appears that a 6-10 finish would be an accomplishment at this point for the team that was the number 2 seed in the NFC last year. Especially that Jake Delhomme has now been diagnosed with a broker finger, although actually sending Jake to the bench might not hurt the Cats THAT much as he’s been atrocious this year. Priority number 1 for the offseason for this team needs to be obtaining a capable quarterback; Jake Delhomme cannot enter the season next year as your number one guy behind center. That would be the worst decision since Hollywood green-lit a sequel to the live-action Chipmunks movie and called it a “Squeakquel.”

23. Bears – This season couldn’t be going any worse for Jay Cutler and his Bears. After a 3-1 start, they have now dropped six of their last seven games and Cutler is on pace for 247 interceptions on the season. Okay, that is slight hyperbole, but the truth isn’t much better…if he keeps tossing picks at his current pace he will finish the season with 29. Yes, 29 Interceptions in one season!! I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t just a little bit happy about how things are playing out for Jay.

24. Seahawks – The people of Seattle feel like the Seahawks don’t get the national attention they deserve since they are isolated all the way up there in the Pacific Northwest. I hope they aren’t chirping too much this season, as apart from wearing the worst uniforms of the season, they haven’t done a noteworthy or interesting thing all year. How is this for a solid boring team statistic, they have played exactly ONE game this year that was decided by less than ten points. ONE! If you’re going to be bad, the least you can do for your fans is make your games exciting.

25. Bills – If your team is regularly playing home games in a different country because they can’t afford to play all of their games in your town…that’s a bad sign, right? This is the football franchise equivalent of renting not buying. The Bills play their second ever home game in Toronto on Sunday against the Jets, and I have a feeling that there will be many more to come in the future.

26. Redskins – The Skins are a very bad team, but if you’re not careful as the favored team, they can bite you. Am I right, fellow Bronco fans? They were almost able to pull another upset against the Eagles on Sunday. If I’m a fan of a no hope team, this is the kind of no hope team I want…one that will at least make it interesting for me every now and then.

27. Chiefs – I’m not going to say ANYTHING mean about the Chiefs right now, because I’m terrified of the Broncos going in to Arrowhead this Sunday. TERRIFIED, I say. Just contemplating this game gives me the shakes. Clearly, I need help.

28. Raiders – I think I’d be more thankful if the NFL hadn’t decided to put Oakland in a Thanksgiving game this year. Look, NFL, the Lions are a perennially dreadful team. If you want to put a crap team like the Raiders on Thanksgiving, put them up against the Lions who are also a crap team. How much better would Thanksgiving football have been if we just swapped the Raiders and Packers in the games? Raiders-Lions would have possibly been a competitive game, as both teams stink on ice and Packers-Cowboys is a matchup of traditional powers who are both battling for a playoff spot. BAM! Instantly both games are better. Someone should pay me to help make these decisions; the sports world would be a better place.

29. Lions – If you’re the NFL, do you want to keep up the Detroit tradition on Thanksgiving, or would you rotate in more competitive clubs and make the games better at the expense of tradition? I think, personally, that they should leave the games with Dallas and Detroit, but I would also understand if they decided to shake it up a bit since the Lions tend to underperform as they did this Thanksgiving when they basically laid down and died against the Packers.

30. Buccaneers – This team has only won once in eleven tries, but at least they occasionally make it sorta kinda interesting, so they get the nod over the two other one-win teams.

31. Rams – There isn’t much interesting to say about this dreadful team, so let’s go with this: Open letter to the people in charge of the Saint Louis franchise: Dear Sirs, Will you PLEASE go back to the royal blue and yellow uniforms that you wore when you won the Super Bowl with the horns on the shoulder? This dark blue and gold stuff looks dreadful. If you’re not going to come close to winning games, at least you could look good losing. Thanks!

32. Browns – How desperate was I as a fantasy football owner when I learned on Friday that Ben Roethlisberger would be sitting out with a concussion and my backup quarterback had already played on Thursday? I was so desperate that I picked up and started Brady Quinn. Do I even need to tell you that I lost?